Thoughts on pledging girls with children

[U Go Glen Coco!]

Originally Posted by ggforever

A woman with a child that is in college full time will not (or at least should not) have time for sorority activities. When she is not in class or studying, she needs to be a MOTHER!!! Life is full of important choices and she made a life altering one when she decided to become pregnant. If I were an adviser to a chapter considering pledging a young mother I would strongly advise against it.

Whether or not you feel this way, one shouldn't let your own personal moral values in the way when considering this PNM.

It's like the pregnant mother walking into the bar for a drink. You can take the "we reserve the right to refuse service" stance and deny this woman a drink but to do so because you feel that it's just not right is another story.

I know for a fact that my organization does not have any specific rules prohibiting mothers from joining. If a chapter wants to take a chance on a mother who really wants to join our sisterhood, I trust that they will do what's best. I know that I could not "strongly advise" against bidding someone who wants to join our sisterhood despite the time and financial commitments.

Like Alumiyum said, how she and her family handle their situation isn't really any of our business.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ggforever

A woman with a child that is in college full time will not (or at least should not) have time for sorority activities. When she is not in class or studying, she needs to be a MOTHER!!! Life is full of important choices and she made a life altering one when she decided to become pregnant. If I were an adviser to a chapter considering pledging a young mother I would strongly advise against it.

So if she would have had an abortion instead, you'd hand her a bid with a big bow on it?

Originally Posted by Regina.George

We're just going to have to agree to disagree on this. I (and many other people) believe abandoning a child for several critical years in its development is neglect at best.

Grandparents raising a child does not = abandonment. If we're going to use that word, there are a LOT of very well-off people who have "abandoned" their children by putting them in the practically full-time care of nannies.

I think it's great that they're encouraging their daughter to complete her college education and have a good college experience. If all she has in her life is studying and baby care, she's not going to be a very happy person and she'll probably end up dropping out and going into a dead end job.

[turqwind]

Almost twenty years ago, I went to celebrate bid night with the chapter I had previously been general advisor for. One of the new members had a six-monthish little boy with her which I assumed was little brother/nephew (?). After the celebration, there was a meeting and half of the chapter members were up in arms about this girl with a baby. I was not the advisor any longer, but the new advisor didn't know what to do. I told them they had pledged this girl and to get over it. Whatever personal convictions you have, it was not fair to punish/kick her out for something they should have resolved before offering her a bid. At the time, my group did not have any rules on babies. Another chapter on this campus had pledged a girl with a baby the year before, but we didn't know this until our teen mom pledged. A close friend of mine advised another NPC group and she had a couple of girls who married and stayed active in college. This was 15 or 20 years ago, so the issue is at least that old.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by turqwind

Almost twenty years ago, I went to celebrate bid night with the chapter I had previously been general advisor for. One of the new members had a six-monthish little boy with her which I assumed was little brother/nephew (?). After the celebration, there was a meeting and half of the chapter members were up in arms about this girl with a baby. I was not the advisor any longer, but the new advisor didn't know what to do. I told them they had pledged this girl and to get over it. Whatever personal convictions you have, it was not fair to punish/kick her out for something they should have resolved before offering her a bid.

But I'm surmising from your story that the chapter members had no clue that the baby existed before they gave her a bid. I don't blame them for being p.o.'ed in that case.

I know that we often say to people "you don't need to mention x, y or z" at rush, as it might lessen their chances of getting a bid, but honestly if you're married or have a baby, those are BIG things and better to be straight about it. If the chapter has a problem with it, they can cut you. Better for that to happen than for people to be upset, like in the above story - and I'm betting they were just as if not more upset about being deceived (by omission, true, but the end result is the same) than about the baby itself.

[ASTalumna06]

My chapter, during the year after I had graduated, right before I became an advisor, bid a woman who was both a wife and mother. She was 24. She did more for the chapter than a lot of other girls even dreamed of doing. She held an Exec Board position, received excellent grades, and attended all of our events.

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

One thing I've learned from following GC and recruitment is there are a LOT of different chapter styles out there, including what my chapter would have considered freakishly old members in the collegiate chapter. Is a traditional SEC or Big 10 chapter going to accept a member with a child? Probably not, but there are some that would have no problems with it at all.

Exactly. Even I know that for many schools/chapters around the country, if this woman had walked into recruitment, she probably would have come close to being laughed back out. Keep in mind, however, that my chapter was smaller, we didn't have a house, and we weren't overwhelmed with programming (e.g. Homecoming wasn't a big to-do, we didn't have an "Initiation week" extravaganza, etc.).

Originally Posted by ggforever

A woman with a child that is in college full time will not (or at least should not) have time for sorority activities. When she is not in class or studying, she needs to be a MOTHER!!! Life is full of important choices and she made a life altering one when she decided to become pregnant. If I were an adviser to a chapter considering pledging a young mother I would strongly advise against it.

To say that once someone is a mother, they shouldn't have time for anything else is crazy. Not that it was any of our business, but this sister had a wonderful husband who supported her involvement in the sorority, and would watch the kids on a Sunday night when she had a meeting... or on a Wednesday night during a recruitment event... or on a Saturday afternoon when we were volunteering for our philanthropy.

Hell, when I was younger, my mom, on top of being a divorced parent, was the President of the Board of Education. She very frequently had other things to take care of, or meetings to attend.. I would never think that she had "abandoned" me and my brother, or that she wasn't taking motherhood seriously. She needed something to get away... we all do. And as long as someone is capable of balancing everything, I say go for it.

Originally Posted by U Go Glen Coco!

Like Alumiyum said, how she and her family handle their situation isn't really any of our business.

Exactly.


And the situation presented by the OP isn't even remotely the same as the one that I just described. But every situation is different. Again, something working against her could be the campus culture, and just the knowledge of knowing she has a child could cause her to become an outsider. But as long as the sorority is willing to bid her, and she understands all of the responsibility and time that is needed to go into being a member, I don't really see the problem with it.