Thoughts on pledging girls with children

[arkansasgreek13]

I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers, but I was recently asked what I thought my chapter would do if a girl with a baby wanted to rush. I am a member of a NPC sorority. I'm not active this semester and can't seem to find anything in my sorority's bylaws but wondered if there may be any NPC rule. I also just wondered everyone elses' thoughts? The situation: the girl has a baby but does not take care of her, apparently the grandmother keeps the little girl back home.

Like I said, not trying to initiate a dilemma, just wanting some opinions and if anyone had any knowledge of rules stating how to deal with the situation? Thanks!

[knight_shadow]

Wouldn't the rule be specific to your sorority? Why not ask an exec board member or an advisor?

Also, if the woman doesn't have custody of the child or doesn't take care of it, how would that affect her recruitment?

[GeorgiaGreek]

Wow, I've never thought about this situation before. While I don't know the rules of every sorority, from what I understand, it is acceptable for a woman to be married and in a sorority, and I would assume that if no rules are made against this, then the organization must understand that it is possible that a married woman might get pregnant during their time in college. So I suppose if married women are allowed, they wouldn't make a rule against something that...well, often happens to married women?

In terms of the chapter's decision, I don't think that it should be a problem. If the girl is 100% sure that she is not going to either drop out of college at some point to take care of the child herself, or transfer to be closer to the child or the child's father, etc. then I think the fact that she is a mother shouldn't reflect badly against her. It could be a positive in that it would bring some diversity to the chapter (not saying the chapter is lacking; I have no idea. Just saying that it's a different viewpoint on things).

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by arkansasgreek13

I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers, but I was recently asked what I thought my chapter would do if a girl with a baby wanted to rush. I am a member of a NPC sorority. I'm not active this semester and can't seem to find anything in my sorority's bylaws but wondered if there may be any NPC rule. I also just wondered everyone elses' thoughts? The situation: the girl has a baby but does not take care of her, apparently the grandmother keeps the little girl back home.

Like I said, not trying to initiate a dilemma, just wanting some opinions and if anyone had any knowledge of rules stating how to deal with the situation? Thanks!

Go to your chapter's website, review the Constitution and ByLaws, and consult with your Advisory Board, HQ, etc. There's where you'll find the answer(s) that apply(ies) to your particular chapter. NPC does not regulate chapter membership selection in that manner.

knight_shadow, no sideeyes on this one - you got it right!

[DubaiSis]

One thing I've learned from following GC and recruitment is there are a LOT of different chapter styles out there, including what my chapter would have considered freakishly old members in the collegiate chapter. Is a traditional SEC or Big 10 chapter going to accept a member with a child? Probably not, but there are some that would have no problems with it at all.

And if she's a non-custodial parent, I really don't see the issue in any case. As long as she can attend the events, keep her grades, live in the house (if required), etc., then it shouldn't matter.

[ggforever]

A woman with a child that is in college full time will not (or at least should not) have time for sorority activities. When she is not in class or studying, she needs to be a MOTHER!!! Life is full of important choices and she made a life altering one when she decided to become pregnant. If I were an adviser to a chapter considering pledging a young mother I would strongly advise against it.

[Regina.George]

Mom has time for fraternity mixers but no time to take care of her baby. It's a great world we live in.

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by ggforever

A woman with a child that is in college full time will not (or at least should not) have time for sorority activities. When she is not in class or studying, she needs to be a MOTHER!!! Life is full of important choices and she made a life altering one when she decided to become pregnant. If I were an adviser to a chapter considering pledging a young mother I would strongly advise against it.

It sounds like it's basically an open adoption situation with the child's grandmother.

[Titchou]

We have had married women, married women with children (one had 2 kids) and single women with children come thru recruitment where I advise. The main issue is the time factor. Can she attend the events she needs to attend? Can she devote enough time to her studies? In other words, can she fulfill the obligations of membership? In all cases, none were pledged to any of our groups.

[AGDee]

I have known families where the daughter became pregnant in high school or college and the family decided that the grandparents would raise the child while the daughter went away to college, got her degree and got herself into a position where she was able to raise the child herself. While that daughter was away at school, she had no parenting responsibilities. Essentially, her parents were "giving" her the opportunity to live the life they had all wanted for her in spite of her mistake, recognizing that she didn't have the resources (financially or personally) to take care of the baby anyway. I also know situations where the parents took on the child as their own and raised it as a sibling of the real mother. In that type of situation, the girl had no parenting responsibilities while in college and most who met her, unless she told them, wouldn't even know she was a parent. It is, as DSTRen13 said, like an open adoption (although I think of it more like foster care) within the family.

ETA: I've also worked with a chapter who had single mothers in their chapter but it was a commuter campus and the young woman lived at home with her parents and they shared parenting duties. As for comments like "she has time to attend a fraternity mixer but not to parent"... that is just ridiculous. Do you think, as a parent, you will never go out on a friday night? You and your husband could join a bowling league and get a babysitter every Saturday night.. how is that any different? As a parent, I stayed involved as a volunteer for many organizations. Heck, right now, I'm a volunteer in a leadership position for three organizations, a single mom, working full time, AND going to grad school and my kids are fantastic kids. Parents get to have lives too.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I have known families where the daughter became pregnant in high school or college and the family decided that the grandparents would raise the child while the daughter went away to college, got her degree and got herself into a position where she was able to raise the child herself. While that daughter was away at school, she had no parenting responsibilities. Essentially, her parents were "giving" her the opportunity to live the life they had all wanted for her in spite of her mistake, recognizing that she didn't have the resources (financially or personally) to take care of the baby anyway. I also know situations where the parents took on the child as their own and raised it as a sibling of the real mother. In that type of situation, the girl had no parenting responsibilities while in college and most who met her, unless she told them, wouldn't even know she was a parent. It is, as DSTRen13 said, like an open adoption (although I think of it more like foster care) within the family.

If the grandparents are willing to do that, I see no problem with the girl pledging a sorority.

I'd much rather the child be raised by willing grandparents then a resentful, immature girl. (I'm not saying this particular girl would be resentful and immature, but it's often the case)

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

If the grandparents are willing to do that, I see no problem with the girl pledging a sorority.

I'd much rather the child be raised by willing grandparents then a resentful, immature girl. (I'm not saying this particular girl would be resentful and immature, but it's often the case)

Exactly. Not just immature and resentful, but not financially capable of really providing anyway.

[Drolefille]

It's not something I (were I in charge) would make a hard and fast rule about. If she seemed both capable and interested in participating actively in the chapter while still doing well in school I'd probably vote for her bid. I wouldn't not want to bid someone just because they have a child, but I wouldn't want any member who came off as irresponsible or careless in the first place.

[PhoenixAzul]

^ I'm with Drolefille.

I think it really comes down to the campus, the sorority, and most critically, the PNM.

In my case, we were an all local sorority system, all local but one fraternity system, plus NPHC chapters. A mixed commuter/residential school.

Otterbein had a number of post-military students who tend to be older (late 20's to early 30's), and some of these students have made fantastic brothers and sisters, despite pledging later in life. These older students are also likely to be married/divorced or have a child...and if they're taking care of their responsibilities and are able to support the missions of the brother/sisterhood, then why are they not worthy of membership?

Again, a kid isn't going to push me into the "no, absolutely not!" category any more than a job or an internship or a pending study abroad stint. A terrible personality, inability to manage time, lack of empathy etc, will. Life and sorority are not exclusive, they're meant to compliment each other.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by arkansasgreek13

I'm not trying to ruffle any feathers, but I was recently asked what I thought my chapter would do if a girl with a baby wanted to rush. I am a member of a NPC sorority. I'm not active this semester and can't seem to find anything in my sorority's bylaws but wondered if there may be any NPC rule. I also just wondered everyone elses' thoughts? The situation: the girl has a baby but does not take care of her, apparently the grandmother keeps the little girl back home.

Like I said, not trying to initiate a dilemma, just wanting some opinions and if anyone had any knowledge of rules stating how to deal with the situation? Thanks!

It would just depend on the girl. If it is explained to her exactly how time consuming a sorority can be and what will be expected of her as far as academics/finances/commitment and still thinks she can do it, why not?