I HAVE A QUESTION!!

I am interested in a NPHC sorority, whose name I shall keep to myself. The members of the sorority know me and know that I am interested. About a week ago I attended one of their functions which was a party. While at the party I was dancing by myself like a lot of other females were. Two members of the sorority approached me and told me to dance with a guy. Now this question is directed to females in NPHC sororities. Why do you think I was told to dance with a guy when I was having a good time dancing by myself like a lot of other people were. I was wondering has anyone else heard of situations like this? Is it looked down upon if you are not dancing with a guy at a party? I would like to hear any comments or opinions that people have.

[12dn94dst]

Hi,

I understand you want other opinions on this, but I suggest you direct your question to the two women who asked you to dance with a guy when you were having fun with your friends. Only they can accurately say what their reasons were. We can only speculate.

But to answer you other two questions, no, I've never heard of anything like this. I could care less who you dance with at a party.

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Kelli
12-DN-94
SSU c/o 1997

12-DN-94dst, I was not asking for anyone to care who I danced with. The two members of your organization approached me and requested for me to dance with a guy. I do plan on asking the two females why I was asked to dance with a guy at the party.

[icytre]

Curious1,
I've heard of similar situations. The ones that I know of were simple tests of the aspirant. Many times if they know that you want to be apart of their organizations, they will do discrete mind games to see where your head is. I'm not saying that is true for this scenario, but it's always a possibility.

Maybe they are testing your boundaries and whether you can say "no" when asked to do things that you are not comfortable doing?

After all, if you thought you might have enjoyed dancing with him after the 2 ladies' request, that might have been fine in your own heart to agree to their request. But would you say "yes" if (hypothetically) he was seen groping and grabbing every girl who danced with him? As I said, maybe it was a test of your boundaries and your ability to say "no".

But if it was a case of "Dance with him or you're out", I would say that is manipulation and hazing, because you are being forced to do something that you have no choice in and your potential membership is being dangled in front of you like a carrot.

Originally posted by CURIOUS1:
Two members of the sorority approached me and told me to dance with a guy.

CURIOUS1, I just re-read your post...as your quote above reads, it says that they "told" you to dance with a guy. Can you clarify this a bit? If they "told" you to dance with a guy, did you feel like you had a choice in the matter? This would probably help us in gauging how to best assess your situation and respond to your question.

[12dn94dst]

Curious1,

You asked "Is it looked down upon if you are not dancing with a guy at a party?"

Let me clear up my comment, since you didn't seem to understand the first time. No, I don't look down on females for not dancing with guys at parties. I could care less who they dance with.

Further, you welcomed ANY comments/opinions we had. That was mine.

I also find it interesting that before I responded, you were unwilling to disclose the organization, but once you heard something you didn't like from one of the members, you put the organization on blast. I hope you don't carry this attitude with you if you're extended an invitation to membership.

Remember, discretion is NECESSARY.

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Kelli
12-DN-94
SSU c/o 1997


[This message has been edited by 12dn94dst (edited June 16, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by 12dn94dst (edited June 16, 2000).]

Thank you for your input 12-DN-94dst.

[dc1]

icytre, you mentioned current members playing "mind games" with their pledges...
how often would you say this happens?
I was just scanning this post and that stuck in my head...

A question for all:
What would Sorority/Fraternity members gain by playing mind games with their pledges? Would the outcome of such trickery truelly define the "person" or simply expose the pledge's wit?

Has anyone else run across this (or been apart of this)? I understand that certain measures of privacy must be maintained, but this is the first mention of this I have run across.. any information you can provide is, as always, greatly appreciated.

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Faced with the Divine, I was asked; "What one gift do you seek?"
I answered ever so meekly; "I seek Honor, Truth, Integrity, and Wisdom, yet those are four. How am I to choose?"
The answer came as a pounding whisper; "The four you seek are but one. I grant thee Compassion; for without it the four make none."
Author - me

[SapphireSensation]

Curious,
it has always been my belief and my stance that you should NEVER compromise your self-respect for anyone or anything. I realize that you want to be a part of this sisterhood but never compromise those things/principles/values that you cannot get back. I have heard of similiar situations and worse and it's truly unfortunate. I was always treated and respected as a woman first and a pledgee second when I was pledging. Just keep in mind, that when you have a question or something really doesn't seem right..just ask. Afterall, we are in our respective sisterhoods FOR LIFE!!!!! You need to be sure because there's no turning back.

[dstbrat]

it truly depends on how the suggestion was made. it could be a simple as they wanted to get the party started and wanted more guys to dance. they could have been trying to see how you would respond. personally, when i was intending to be a Delta, i would dance voluntarily. it was the safest place to be, so as not to get cornered by anyone. i wouldn't have danced by myself because i would not have wanted to stick out. sometimes no attention is the best attention in these situations. not that i thought that i was in danger, but no one wnats to get sweated at a party. i hope that you haven't been tramatized by this episode. if so, you might want to question whether or not you can persevere through a process.

[icytre]

dc1,
I know of things like this happening all the time.

I don't know why they told you to dance with a guy. I will offer this. At college parties where many prospects are,my sisters and I have never told anyone to do anything, but we carefully observe how people carry on at affairs. Why? For instance, one girl who had expressed interest was seen dancing on top of a guy laying on the floor. Every one was agast and the guys called her some not so nice names. After we saw how she carried on for the rest of the night with every guy that approached her for a "dirty dance" we knew she would not be representative of the ideals of our sorority. They may have wanted to see how you carried yourself, who knows.

[Salience]

Yes, that situation happens, but for us, we used the dance floor to avoid sticky situations.

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@~~^~~~~
Subtlety is the key ;o)

[AlphaChiGirl]

<<At college parties where many prospects are,my sisters and I have never told anyone to do anything, but we carefully observe how people carry on at affairs. Why? For instance, one girl who had expressed interest was seen dancing on top of a guy laying on the floor. Every one was agast and the guys called her some not so nice names. After we saw how she carried on for the rest of the night with every guy that approached her for a "dirty dance" we knew she would not be representative of the ideals of our sorority.>>

I think this is something all sororities and fraternities should exercise. The prospective members' social activities should be monitored, because the moment the general population learns that a girl who would disrespect herself on the dance floor with a man has become a member of XYZ Sorority, the sorority's reputation is somewhat trashed. This happened, to some extent, with a girl in my pledge class...not only was she late to pledge activities, she abandoned us during a pledge activity to hang out with wrestlers, and she told a lot of people how "corny" some of our traditions were. Well, before she could be kicked out, she depledged...much to our happiness. Now, if the older sisters had monitored her behavior (I knew of her party and study habits) before they accepted her, none of this would have happened.