Dear PNM's and their moms

[aephi alum]

I have to agree that young people these days have very little experience with rejection or failure. It used to be that kids would get their first taste of rejection, say, when they were 7 years old and weren't picked for their local Little League team, or when they were 12 years old and weren't picked for the school choir. Now "everyone's a winner" and the first time these young people run into rejection is when they go through NPC recruitment and a chapter cuts them, or when they go through NIC recruitment and don't get a bid from their favorite fraternity, or when they go through NPHC rush and don't get selected. And they say "ZOMG, how could DEF not want ME?!" - even if DEF wasn't their favorite.

I'm glad your daughter is a happy ABC and didn't drop out because DEF cut her.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

I have to agree that young people these days have very little experience with rejection or failure. It used to be that kids would get their first taste of rejection, say, when they were 7 years old and weren't picked for their local Little League team, or when they were 12 years old and weren't picked for the school choir. Now "everyone's a winner" and the first time these young people run into rejection is when they go through NPC recruitment and a chapter cuts them.

This post made me try to think of my first rejection moment. Pretty sure it was 2nd grade Christmas play. I didn't get to be the North Star in the sky who guided the Wisemen. I was crushed for about 5 minutes. lol. But yeah, it was early.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This post made me try to think of my first rejection moment. Pretty sure it was 2nd grade Christmas play. I didn't get to be the North Star in the sky who guided the Wisemen. I was crushed for about 5 minutes. lol. But yeah, it was early.

Recruitment was ironically one of the first times in my life I didn't face rejection. Though had I been at a competitive school I'm sure it would've been a very, very different story I'm sure.

This thread definitely needs to be required reading...to the OP, well said, all of it!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

Recruitment was ironically one of the first times in my life I didn't face rejection. Though had I been at a competitive school I'm sure it would've been a very, very different story I'm sure.

You took the words right out of my mouth. Although I'm sure if I'd rushed my first semester at college, competitive or noncompetitive school, I wouldn't have had the amount of confidence I did when I did rush. I had to shake off the hometown dust a little bit before I could get anywhere. That's why I have such a hard time understanding these chapters that take all the people from the same hometown, and the people who join them.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by 33girl

You took the words right out of my mouth. Although I'm sure if I'd rushed my first semester at college, competitive or noncompetitive school, I wouldn't have had the amount of confidence I did when I did rush. I had to shake off the hometown dust a little bit before I could get anywhere. That's why I have such a hard time understanding these chapters that take all the people from the same hometown, and the people who join them.

I did it right out of the gate, which in my case was a good thing...no time to do anything spectacularly stupid that would've gotten me cut later. I had my mom picking out my outfits, finding recs all summer, and reminding me over and over not to take anything personally, so though I wasn't confident I was prepared. But my fairly mediocre GPA and list of activities probably wouldn't have gotten me nearly so far at a school like UA for instance. I'm glad I had the experience I did because it was a huge confidence boost and after my high school experience I needed it. I was pretty used to rejection, and it was nice to not get it.

But I can understand how a PNM who has been president of clubs, in SGA, Homecoming Queen, etc. has a hard time understanding when she gets massive cuts during recruitment. It's hard at any age to not take rejection personally, but at least for me it was much harder at that age than it is now.

PS-I purposefully went to a school with few kids from my high school attending and even fewer in the Greek system...sometimes it's nice to start over. But I'm not one of those people that will be returning to my hometown and needs the connections. I get why some people don't break out of their shell, at least from my community.

[ASUADPi]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

I have to agree that young people these days have very little experience with rejection or failure. It used to be that kids would get their first taste of rejection, say, when they were 7 years old and weren't picked for their local Little League team, or when they were 12 years old and weren't picked for the school choir. Now "everyone's a winner" and the first time these young people run into rejection is when they go through NPC recruitment and a chapter cuts them, or when they go through NIC recruitment and don't get a bid from their favorite fraternity, or when they go through NPHC rush and don't get selected. And they say "ZOMG, how could DEF not want ME?!" - even if DEF wasn't their favorite.

I'm glad your daughter is a happy ABC and didn't drop out because DEF cut her.

OMG so true. My first rejection, that I remember, was in 5th grade when I didn't make choir. It got worse in high school. I didn't make the top choir, I didn't make cheer one year. It was a part of life. Yeah it hurt, but isn't the saying something like "whatever hurts you makes you stronger" (something like that).

Now everything is about placating them. When I coached freshmen cheer in 08. I could take 12-15 girls (I say that number because it was "up in the air" of whether I would get a new uniform or not, if not only 12 girls, if so 15). Well I was essentially "forced" by the head coach to take 12 girls and 2 alternates and 1 manager. Only like 2 girls were cut. I was like really this is stupid. I only had like 17 girls trying out in the first place.

I just don't see the point why everyone has to "make the team" or "make the play" etc...because it is not going to prepare them for the future, as evidenced on this boards via our recruitment threads and the PNM's who "I'm so pretty, and smart and have tons of extra curriculars and OMG they dropped me".

I wanna say to them, you are now a little fish in a huge pond.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

OMG so true. My first rejection, that I remember, was in 5th grade when I didn't make choir. It got worse in high school. I didn't make the top choir, I didn't make cheer one year. It was a part of life. Yeah it hurt, but isn't the saying something like "whatever hurts you makes you stronger" (something like that).

Now everything is about placating them. When I coached freshmen cheer in 08. I could take 12-15 girls (I say that number because it was "up in the air" of whether I would get a new uniform or not, if not only 12 girls, if so 15). Well I was essentially "forced" by the head coach to take 12 girls and 2 alternates and 1 manager. Only like 2 girls were cut. I was like really this is stupid. I only had like 17 girls trying out in the first place.

I just don't see the point why everyone has to "make the team" or "make the play" etc...because it is not going to prepare them for the future, as evidenced on this boards via our recruitment threads and the PNM's who "I'm so pretty, and smart and have tons of extra curriculars and OMG they dropped me".

I wanna say to them, you are now a little fish in a huge pond.

There's a balance. As one of the kids that tried her hardest (at least when I was a little kid and hadn't given up yet) and almost never got picked for anything or won anything, it would've been good for me to on occasion feel included. I'm not talking about school sports teams or other teams/clubs that are and should be genuinely competitive. But in Little-League type organizations I think the practice of giving them all a little trophy is a good thing. Kids should learn early on that you can't always win, and it's not the end of the world when you don't, but a little ego boost on occasion is a good thing.

[BAMA2]

The problem with letting everyone make everything is that kids never have the experience of saying to themselves "well I didn't make this, maybe I should go try something different that I may be good at and that I might like even better". And because they don't have that experience in trying something different and enjoying it and/or succeeding at it, they don't have the ability to see how there are other potentially great possiblities out there when they get cut from the sorority they thought they were destined for.

[Alumiyum]

Originally Posted by BAMA2

The problem with letting everyone make everything is that kids never have the experience of saying to themselves "well I didn't make this, maybe I should go try something different that I may be good at and that I might like even better". And because they don't have that experience in trying something different and enjoying it and/or succeeding at it, they don't have the ability to see how there are other potentially great possiblities out there when they get cut from the sorority they thought they were destined for.

That's where the balance comes in.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Alumiyum

That's where the balance comes in.

Co-sign. The idea that it has to be all one (complete inclusion with no losers) or all the other (total competition) is short-sighted.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by BAMA2

The problem with letting everyone make everything is that kids never have the experience of saying to themselves "well I didn't make this, maybe I should go try something different that I may be good at and that I might like even better".

We touched on this in another thread, but the thing is there's hierarchies and "tiers" even in kids' activities, among the moms.

Say a kid loves baseball and HATES soccer...but soccer is the "in" thing run by all the "in" parents and the Little League isn't. Some parents in that case won't even let their kids try out for LL.

I have nothing against SAHMs but there are ones who perpetuate this kind of crap who really need to go GET A FREAKIN JOB.

Disclaimer: I do not have children or run in these circles. I absorb enough of it through my friends and Facebook.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally Posted by 33girl

We touched on this in another thread, but the thing is there's hierarchies and "tiers" even in kids' activities, among the moms.

Hmm...I thought you didn't believe in tiers.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

Hmm...I thought you didn't believe in tiers.

Hmm...for a second I thought this wasn't passive aggressive at all.

Oh yeah, no I didn't - just kidding.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

Hmm...I thought you didn't believe in tiers.

Hmmmm when someone starts their sentence with "Hmmm" is it ever anything but someone trying to be bitchy while pretending to be nice?


Hmmmm.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by NutBrnHair

Hmm...I thought you didn't believe in tiers.

You act like the tiers are fairies. If she doesn't believe in them, does that mean they don't really exist?!