How Moms Should Treat Their Legacy Daughters

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Barbie's_Rush

Well, I think it is a little different once your daughter makes it to pref. By that point, it's obvious that she and the chapter have a mutual connection. I don't even know how an involved alumna mom can even manage to breathe under those circumstances.

I think once a legacy comes to Pref, a mom's biggest concern is not so much if the chapter wants her (because she wouldn't be at Pref if that weren't the case), but whether SHE WANTS XYZ as much as mom wants it FOR her.

You've raised her around XYZ, she has been to more XYZ family events than she can remember, you've discussed what type of badge or whatever that you would get for her if she went XYZ, all that jazz.

You know that she has had a great recruitment and has felt a great connection to XYZ, but that she has also had a great time at her OTHER 2 houses at Pref. You talk to her or text her and all she says is "I had a great time. This is SO hard. Gotta go." You don't want to pressure her or ask her about it, but all you really want to do is ask "on a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you think you want to be an XYZ?" lol.

And just as I've heard of moms being livid about their daughter being cut, I've heard of even more situations where mom is furious because Daughter preffed XYZ, but didn't make it her first choice, and got a bid elsewhere.

Often, I don't think parents realize that the choice to rank another group over mom's beloved XYZ is not an easy one, nor does it mean that she flat out "hated" them or anything. She just felt more at home somewhere else.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I think once a legacy comes to Pref, a mom's biggest concern is not so much if the chapter wants her (because she wouldn't be at Pref if that weren't the case), but whether SHE WANTS XYZ as much as mom wants it FOR her.

AEPhi's legacy policy states that if a legacy is invited to pref, she must appear on the chapter's first bid list. So if my hypothetical daughter preffed AEPhi and matched somewhere else, it's because she ranked "somewhere else" higher than AEPhi on her pref card. And I would deal with it.

It's very hard for a parent to let go of his/her adult child and recognize that the child is now an adult and will make his/her own decisions. Hell, my mother-in-law is still trying to control my husband's life, and he's 35. A daughter is not a carbon copy of her mother, and just because XYZ was right for Mom twenty or thirty years ago doesn't mean XYZ will be right for her daughter today.

[dgdramadawg]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Often, I don't think parents realize that the choice to rank another group over mom's beloved XYZ is not an easy one, nor does it mean that she flat out "hated" them or anything. She just felt more at home somewhere else.

This is so true. I remember that my sister was very worried going into prefs that she might have to rank her first choice over our mom's house. She had wanted to be a Kappa since day one of recruitment, but she didn't want Mom to think she was choosing Kappa over her own mother (even though Mom would have been okay about it). I think she was probably a little relieved to be cut by mom's house before prefs so that she didn't have to make that tough choice as a daughter. I can imagine it would be a much tougher situation for a PNM if her mom was insane/trying to push her chapter on her.

Update on the PNM from the OP: Did not see her or her mom today; perhaps they are on vacation? Anyway, whenever I get the chance to talk to her mom I will be sure to let y'all know how that goes.