OMG BFF!!

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Before you try to keep best friends apart, parents, you should probably peep this movie and think twice.

I also hate the term "playdate" - um, I called my friend on the phone or just went down over the hill to her house. Like 10 minutes after I thought of it. Then again, I didn't have multiple dance/gym lessons and sports to think of. I wouldn't have minded having a little bit of that stuff, but kids nowadays are so scheduled it's ridiculous.

My biggest peeve about "playdates" is that 9 out of 10 times, it is the parent that calls to arrange it. Usually a day or two in advance.

I refuse to call my son's friends- he is almost 8, he can read, he can dial a phone. If he wants to play with his friends, then he can figure it out himself.

I also refuse to play the "status playdate" game- I am not arranging playdates with people just because they are at the top of the mommy clique at school. If my kids are friends with their kids, then great, if not, it's not a big loss and I'm not going to jockey my kid into a friendship so it makes me feel better about myself.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

My biggest peeve about "playdates" is that 9 out of 10 times, it is the parent that calls to arrange it. Usually a day or two in advance.

I refuse to call my son's friends- he is almost 8, he can read, he can dial a phone. If he wants to play with his friends, then he can figure it out himself.

I also refuse to play the "status playdate" game- I am not arranging playdates with people just because they are at the top of the mommy clique at school. If my kids are friends with their kids, then great, if not, it's not a big loss and I'm not going to jockey my kid into a friendship so it makes me feel better about myself.

This is funny because I was JUST talking to my friend about playdates and she was discussing how annoying they are.

Her husband actually told me that the whole "playdate" culture is very much based on who the PARENTS want to hang out with (moreso than the kids, who are not in the age range to be able to choose anyway).

Example: Friend became friends with another mom via planning an event for the preschool class. Since they were friends, she asked if maybe they could set up a playdate. Mom said they were busy. Two weeks later, Friend finds out that Mom had a playdate that same weekend with another couple (who happens to have a home movie theatre in their basement and two tennis courts). So often, parents plan playdates with the parents who THEY are more interested in hanging out with.

She also discussed how kids birthday party invites are the same way. Certain moms only invite certain kids to their kid's parties based on the ADULTS they want to be there. Example: Dad will invite Suzie to Katie's 1st birthday party because Suzie's Dad has that awesome timeshare in Martha's Vineyard and they want to be invited to their annual excursion this summer.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

I also refuse to play the "status playdate" game- I am not arranging playdates with people just because they are at the top of the mommy clique at school. If my kids are friends with their kids, then great, if not, it's not a big loss and I'm not going to jockey my kid into a friendship so it makes me feel better about myself.

This seriously happens??? I mean, I kind of thought maybe it might, but I was hoping I was wrong. Jeez, I'm getting happier and happier that I didn't procreate.

I've been in situations where my mom or dad was friends with a kid who I wasn't friends with's parents and the other kid and I, if we were forced to be in the same place, pretty much just sat and ignored each other the whole time. If anything, it made us MORE antagonistic toward each other.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This seriously happens??? I mean, I kind of thought maybe it might, but I was hoping I was wrong. Jeez, I'm getting happier and happier that I didn't procreate.

Yepper. I am friends with some mom's of preschool aged kids (like 2 and 3 year olds) and they say it is totally ridiculous.

Example: Suzie's mom dresses fabulously, has a Saks private shopper, and a cool condo in Hilton Head that they visit for summer. Her older son Bobby also goes to the best private school in the area (where Hubby is a big deal donor). She is always first to volunteer for everything at Suzie's preschool and the teachers really like her. She also has a gathering over summer at said condo for all her BFF mom's and their kids.

Becky's mom is your average stay-at-home mom. Not alot of new clothes, dresses ok. She notices how all the other mom's ask Suzie's mom for parentng advice and think she's perfect. She also notices that she hosts these fab shopping trips and trips to the condo. She wants to be more like them. Oh, and her son goes to the same school that she would like her older son Timmy to go to--perhaps they could put in a good word with admissions next year.

So, Becky's mom might sign up to volunteer at a school event where Suzie's mom will be working. She's strategically place Becky near where little Suzie is playing, in an attempt to strike up a convo, hoping that it will eventally lead to "hey we have a playdate on this date with a few other girls, wanna come?"

Yes, it's very similar to sitting behind Regina George in HS in hopes that she will talk to you.

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This seriously happens??? I mean, I kind of thought maybe it might, but I was hoping I was wrong. Jeez, I'm getting happier and happier that I didn't procreate.

I've been in situations where my mom or dad was friends with a kid who I wasn't friends with's parents and the other kid and I, if we were forced to be in the same place, pretty much just sat and ignored each other the whole time. If anything, it made us MORE antagonistic toward each other.

Happens all the time- sometimes for things like KSUViolet said, and sometimes it just so moms have a "group" to sit with at school plays. I think it is worse for the girls- the girls see the moms in their cliques, and the little girls copy their moms and will exclude other girls. With the boys, it tends to be more about sports or physical activities, if you are a good athlete, the other boys will want you on their team no matter who your parents are friends with. Luckily, I have three boys!

[tld221]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Yes, it's very similar to sitting behind Regina George in HS in hopes that she will talk to you.

This is what life boils down to - at school, at work, greek life, etc.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This seriously happens??? I mean, I kind of thought maybe it might, but I was hoping I was wrong. Jeez, I'm getting happier and happier that I didn't procreate.

I think the same people get sucked into that who got sucked into it in high school. I didn't have that experience. I have become good friends with some of the parents of my kids' friends. It makes sense to me that children that get along with my kids have parents that get along with me. We've pretty much raised them with the same values. My kids are friends with kids like them. I enjoy their friends and I enjoy their friends' parents. That seems natural to me. Maybe I was just too busy with work and my sickly mom to bother with it all. It seems like the real mommy cliques were with the SAHMs. That is not a slam on SAHMs either.. some of them were not into that at all, but I just think the SAHMs had more time to volunteer at the school, go for coffee after dropping kids off at school, go walking together while kids were in school, etc. When I did take a day off work to go on a field trip or something, I didn't know most of the moms. That was ok with me. I was doing to hang out with my son or daughter, not to hang out with other parents.

The parents I've become closest to are: 1) my Cub Scout co-leader (I was also her son's soccer coach and our boys are still in Boy Scouts together.. she'll be a band parent too next year.. yay!) 2) The parents of twin girls who are in my daughter's Girl Scout troop and who are also in band and 3) One other set of band parents whose daughter is a total sweetie and who are just really nice, fun people .. it's easy to be drawn to them.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by tld221

This is what life boils down to - at school, at work, greek life, etc.

The people concur.

There is a big difference between relying on one source of support and detaching from all supports but one. One is fine, even necessary at times and one is usually bad. They are certainly not the same and that goes for all avenues of life.