Would you get married quickly if you had no doubts?

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by psusue

My mom always says 'even if you were to run screaming back down the aisle, it would ultimately still be cheaper, less embarrassing, and less painful than a divorce'. FWIW.

lol
Your mom is so right. To me, based on what I see happening today, prospective husbands no longer have to court women, or behave like gentleman. The reason why is because too many women are willing to fill in the blanks in the relationship themselves in order to have a man. It's pathetic. And yet, many of these women still end up unfulfilled or repeatedly alone. It's just that because of our longing for a relationship with a man, we often accept less than what a great guy is or should be. It's just that knowing the behavioral patterns of true love helps us to be more discerning. I just think that what it boils down to is choosing to be honest with ourselves, even when it hurts, because it's the only safeguard against repeatedly being a victim in romantic relationships.

[preciousjeni]

I got married about seven months after getting engaged. We had known each other for just under two years and had been together for one year when we got married. Actually, maybe we don't qualify as getting married fast.

I knew I was going to marry him about a month after I met him, but I didn't mention anything until we got more serious.

ETA: Our five year anniversary is a couple months away.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Your mom is so right. To me, based on what I see happening today, prospective husbands no longer have to court women, or behave like gentleman.

I was courted.

[Kevin]

Old thread, but my folks dated about 3 weeks before getting married. They've been married 36 years at this point...

[Alumiyum]

No. I would not, end of story. I'm not impulsive (except when shopping ) and I'm in no hurry to get married. Likely I'll meet someone eventually...but I honestly cannot at this point in my life conceive of a person that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I guess I like commitment...until it's permanent. That doesn't appeal to me.

When I was younger I talked engagement with two boyfriends. One was a trainwreck, and I knew even when we were discussing it I would never actually say yes. As for the other, I said I was just too young to be worrying about that and we could talk about it after I got my degree...and I'm glad I went that route because it saved a lot of mess when he cheated and got dumped. Every "real" relationship I've been in has either exploded, imploded, or just fizzled and got boring around a year and a half...so for me I won't even bother to consider it until I've reached that point with a guy and am still reasonably happy.

Of course, it seems even less appealing to me right now because I'm enjoying being totally dating/talking/boyfriend/anything free for the first time in 8 years. I'm fickle. But no matter what I would never, ever rush into it. I've not picked good guys for the most part, but even the good ones hid deal-breaker issues until around the time we broke up. So one thing I've learned from my dating record is that you really don't know a person until you've been together with them long enough to see patterns as CG put it...and I'm not a trusting or particularly forgiving person, so I'd rather wait it out and see those patterns before I lock myself in and have to choose between leaving or overlooking things I really am not ok with. (Because I'll choose leaving).

[angels&angles]

I met my BF in kindergarten (actually probably earlier, as his older bro and my older sis are the same age), and became friends in high school. We started seeing each other casually after I graduate college (actually a bit earlier, but since we weren't in the same state any encounters were months apart so I don't count it), and it took over two years for us to become "official" (i.e. even though we were exclusive, if someone asked if he were my BF I would say no). So in other words... not the rushing in type.

His parents saw each other a total of 10 times over 6 months before they got married. Mine got married after 1 year (3 months of which my dad spent no-contact in Antarctica). Both marriages are still very strong.

I sit and watch my friends get married and think "HOW can they be comfortable with this?" Although I'm obsessed with weddings I feel no desire whatsoever to be married... it's weird. Our friends are constantly befuddled by our relationship, but we're comfortable with it and it works for us. Which is my answer, I guess. If it works for you.

[KillarneyRose]

In August, my husband and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage. If I recall, the timeline of our courtship went like this:

April 29 - Met
May 4 - First Date
May 18 - We decided we wanted to get married
June 31 - I gave up really. awesome. public relations job and my cute little New York apartment (it was the third story of a brownstone; so cute! I was like a 1990's version of Carrie Bradshaw except I wasn't a slut)
August 22 - Stood in front of God and a Navy Chaplain and got hitched

So yeah, been there, done that, got the t shirt (um, got the wedding ring?)

[thetaj]

No. Sure wouldn't. My longest & most serious relationship was full of good intentions and still ended disasterously so I'm all like I WILL NEVER TRUST AGAIN!!1!11 and whatnot.

Though, current BF is doing great considering we haven't been together for too long. He was with me when I found out my grandmother was terminally ill and when she passed away long before the doctors expected. He was also with me the day I backed into a car in a parking lot, payed the lady $50 for $15 of damage, and was rear-ended in a hit-and-run while we were out of town for the weekend. ALL THAT SAME DAY. So HE can check off seeing me angry (read: reduced to a shivering pile of tears, snot and curse words), but I haven't seen him angry yet. Of course, he's nowhere near getting me a ring, either.

[honeychile]

EEK! Nothing more to say other than

WELCOME OUT OF LURKDOM,
KillarneryRose

[IrishLake]

(I haven't read this whole thread, I dont have the energy after reading the "move in with BF thread")...

With that said, my opinion. If it's right, it's right and you know it. I knew the day after I met my husband that we would get married, that he was the proverbial "one," and he was supposed to be a one night stand. Now, that doesn't mean I was ready to jump into marriage at the age of 20. It also doesn't mean that we haven't gone to hell and back during our 10 years together. But, "together" is still the key word.

So for other people, I think it depends on the age and/or maturity level of the people involved. I know some people who got married too soon, and they split up in less than a year. I know others who knew their SO for only 4 or so months before getting hitched and have been together for 10 years.

I also think that if there are existing children from a previous relationship involved, then getting married "too soon" is a big no-no.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by IrishLake

With that said, my opinion. If it's right, it's right and you know it. .

I totally agree. What starts off right, in most cases finishes right. What starts off wrong, usually never gets right. It just gets worse.