Could I Fit In ..?

[TexasPNM13]

Wow, I honestly hadn't expected so many responses so soon.

Regarding the mutual selection process:
Learning more about recruitment at my school was definitely one of the first things I did, and I am acutely aware that the other sorority must choose me, too! I know that every chapter is different, but my thought process was that there must be a reason that a sorority girl can run into another sister she's never met and get along so well, yes? From my experience so far, it never hurts to do your research and aim just a little for what you want ... Being a Kappa is my dream right now, but if I end up finding a home somewhere else, I am completely fine with that. Though I do have my heart set on this sorority, I have definitely planned to go through recruitment with an open mind. If I've learned anything by coming out, it is to take stereotypes and opinions with a grain of salt!

Also, I knew that I wouldn't be able to get a definite yes/no answer to my question, but I hoped to gain a broader perspective about the idea of me joining a sorority ... and I definitely received some valuable insight. Thanks to all who replied!

@knight_shadow: I guess I have a thing or two to learn about protocol concerning colors. Thank you for letting me know, and I apologize if my poor attempt at a respectful gesture came off to you as presumptuous. Thank you for letting me know that HQ does not have jurisdiction over my membership. It was something I had wondered.

@violetpretty: Thank you for the heads up about sophomore standing. Yes, I am already preparing myself with the possibility of rejection. I've lost my share of relationships to coming out, so I am sure I could handle this if I had to. And come to think of it, yes I would still want to be Greek. Thank you for helping me realize that.

@AXOrushadvisor: Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement! By 'make it' I meant both be able make it as a member and then continue to be an involved member while also staying true to myself.

@Drolefille: Thank you for your explanation of queer. What exactly should I be reading more about?

@LucyKKG: Yes, I wondered about how much personal information to disclose. I decided I didn't care, but maybe I should delete this thread in a couple of days (can I do that?).

@thetygerlily: Thank you for your practical advice and objectivity. I truly appreciate it. I hadn't thought about how I would look if I ended up feeling more comfortable at a different house. I guess I was being too ballsy ...

@xibair: I do have a Legalize Gay shirt and an HRC shirt, but I'd like to think I would have a litte more tact than to wear them to recruitment ha.

@LadyLonghorn: As I have said to knight_shadow, I honestly was trying to be extra-respectful and by no means intended to offend. Apologies.

Overall, thanks to most for your responses and your civility. I know that not everyone agrees with who I'm dating.

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by TexasPNM13

Wow, I honestly hadn't expected so many responses so soon.

Regarding the mutual selection process:
Learning more about recruitment at my school was definitely one of the first things I did, and I am acutely aware that the other sorority must choose me, too! I know that every chapter is different, but my thought process was that there must be a reason that a sorority girl can run into another sister she's never met and get along so well, yes? From my experience so far, it never hurts to do your research and aim just a little for what you want ... Being a Kappa is my dream right now, but if I end up finding a home somewhere else, I am completely fine with that. Though I do have my heart set on this sorority, I have definitely planned to go through recruitment with an open mind. If I've learned anything by coming out, it is to take stereotypes and opinions with a grain of salt!

Also, I knew that I wouldn't be able to get a definite yes/no answer to my question, but I hoped to gain a broader perspective about the idea of me joining a sorority ... and I definitely received some valuable insight. Thanks to all who replied!

@knight_shadow: I guess I have a thing or two to learn about protocol concerning colors. Thank you for letting me know, and I apologize if my poor attempt at a respectful gesture came off to you as presumptuous. Thank you for letting me know that HQ does not have jurisdiction over my membership. It was something I had wondered.

@violetpretty: Thank you for the heads up about sophomore standing. Yes, I am already preparing myself with the possibility of rejection. I've lost my share of relationships to coming out, so I am sure I could handle this if I had to. And come to think of it, yes I would still want to be Greek. Thank you for helping me realize that.

@AXOrushadvisor: Thank you so much for the advice and encouragement! By 'make it' I meant both be able make it as a member and then continue to be an involved member while also staying true to myself.

@Drolefille: Thank you for your explanation of queer. What exactly should I be reading more about?

@LucyKKG: Yes, I wondered about how much personal information to disclose. I decided I didn't care, but maybe I should delete this thread in a couple of days (can I do that?).

@thetygerlily: Thank you for your practical advice and objectivity. I truly appreciate it. I hadn't thought about how I would look if I ended up feeling more comfortable at a different house. I guess I was being too ballsy ...

@xibair: I do have a Legalize Gay shirt and an HRC shirt, but I'd like to think I would have a litte more tact than to wear them to recruitment ha.

@LadyLonghorn: As I have said to knight_shadow, I honestly was trying to be extra-respectful and by no means intended to offend. Apologies.

Overall, thanks to most for your responses and your civility. I know that not everyone agrees with who I'm dating.

QFP

Here are just a few more words of advice. If you are going to be attending UT or any of the other major Greek schools in Texas, your chances of receiving a bid to a Kappa chapter are very very slim. That has nothing to do with your being a lesbian. These are extremely old and selective chapters with deep legacy traditions where the vast majority of new members are freshmen who are already well known by the women in the chapter. You seriously need to adjust your mindset before recruitment. I can't state this strongly enough.

Secondly, you need to think long and hard about how active sorority membership will affect your relationship. Sorority membership takes a very large amount of time, particularly in your first year. Aside from mandatory meetings, retreats, activities etc., there are also many mandatory social events. How is your GF going to feel being left out of these, particularly when you're off partying with a fraternity or you can't bring her to your formal? Or you're going away for the weekend with your sisters and a bunch of fraternity guys? Since she's already graduated, these things could be particularly vexing and seem very immature to her. These are the kinds of things that affect relationships between sorority members and their prior-to-joining GDI boyfriends. There are also live-in requirements for most houses. How will she feel about you living in a sorority house for a year or two?

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

How is your GF going to feel being left out of these, particularly when you're off partying with a fraternity or you can't bring her to your formal?

Why would she not be able to bring her girlfriend to formal (assuming she gets a bid)?

Secondly, no one has brought this up yet, but as a transfer upperclassman, you'll need recs from alumnae. Recs are vital for freshmen and even more important for non-freshmen. If the deadlines have not already passed, register with the Alumnae Panhellenic closest to your home or find sorority women through your own network.

[33girl]

She has lots of other things (like the over-focus on Kappa and the upperclassman thing) that have kept people from getting a bid before we even touch on the queer issue. And yes, that word is in "take it back" mode.

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

Why would she not be able to bring her girlfriend to formal (assuming she gets a bid)?

Secondly, no one has brought this up yet, but as a transfer upperclassman, you'll need recs from alumnae. Recs are vital for freshmen and even more important for non-freshmen. If the deadlines have not already passed, register with the Alumnae Panhellenic closest to your home or find sorority women through your own network.

You really don't know how things work down here. Just leave it at that.

At least with the big Texas schools where recommendations are required NO MATTER WHAT A PNM'S CLASS STANDING she is already way behind if she hasn't made arrangements for them already.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

You really don't know how things work down here. Just leave it at that.

If a chapter is so homophobic as to not allow a member to bring her girlfriend, they wouldn't offer her a bid in the first place.

Not like this is relevant in this specific situation, because if UT is indeed the school in question, she's not likely to get a bid because of her age and lack of recs, regardless of her sexual orientation.

[LadyLonghorn]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

If a chapter is so homophobic as to not allow a member to bring her girlfriend, they wouldn't offer her a bid in the first place.

Not like this is relevant in this specific situation, because if UT is indeed the school in question, she's not likely to get a bid because of her age and lack of recs, regardless of her sexual orientation.

Which is exactly what I said in the first place. Her being a lesbian is much further down the list of her recruitment "liabilities."

Not everyone is open to having gay couples at their formals. I would think that would be something an out lesbian would want to find out during recruitment because I hardly think she'd want a bid from a chapter that were less than welcoming to that.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by TexasPNM13

Though I do have my heart set on this sorority, I have definitely planned to go through recruitment with an open mind.

Kind of hard to be open minded when your heart is set, isn't it?

As for deleting the thread, you can't. You can ask a moderator to do it, but it'll be up to them whether to do it or not.

Good luck.