First signs of a bad first date

[Prettyface08]

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

Both of these happened to me on a first date.

1. Not only talking about your ex, but saying that your ex 1. cheated on you and 2. was a druggie. And then you go on to tell me that you don't like wearing condoms and that you had unprotected sex quite often with above mentioned girlfriend.

Yeah, don't think so!

2. Not talking. I had a guy who couldn't carry on a simple conversation. It was like pulling teeth to get him to answer a simple question. It was the most uncomfortable dinner date in my life. I was nice and gave him a second date (thought maybe he would losen up). That didn't happen. I had to make a dash to the bathroom and convince my friend to call me back with an emergency so I could bow out early. (yeah, I know I'm mean, but I didn't want to tell this guy in a public place, "I'm going home, this date sucks".

LOL!! I've never been one to have someone call with an "emergency." That takes too much work. If it isn't working, it just isn't and I'll tell them so. It's not working so I think we should end this date. I don't need to waste my good free night time minutes having someone call to pretend to need me. I'm too grown for that.

[Little32]

If he stays/gets on the phone or checks text messages all night.

I had this one guy who was on the phone when I came into the restaurant and he stayed on the phone for about five minutes after I sat down at the table. The rest of the date was okay, but after that it was over before it started.

If he can't pull his own weight in terms of conversation. I have met guys who have practically had me falling asleep at the table.

I am not a fan of cursing either, certainly not when we are first getting to know each other, and not really at all. I haven't run into too many guys that will curse on the first date, but that would be a deal breaker.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Prettyface08

LOL!! I've never been one to have someone call with an "emergency." That takes too much work. If it isn't working, it just isn't and I'll tell them so. It's not working so I think we should end this date. I don't need to waste my good free night time minutes having someone call to pretend to need me. I'm too grown for that.

One time, when I shared that it wasn't working, he stormed out of the restaurant and was going to leave me there. I now have a FakeCall app on my Droid that I can pre-set to "call" me, making it look like it's one of my kids. I do use it..lol.

I got a real phone call from my daughter on my first date with HD. He told me later he thought it was "the call" and was surprised that I dealt with her issue and didn't leave. The phone things all change once you have kids. You can't ignore calls from your kids, especially when they are home alone.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AGDee

One time, when I shared that it wasn't working, he stormed out of the restaurant and was going to leave me there. I now have a FakeCall app on my Droid that I can pre-set to "call" me, making it look like it's one of my kids. I do use it..lol.

Do you really need a fake call to excuse yourself from a date? LOL.

Originally Posted by AGDee

You can't ignore calls from your kids, especially when they are home alone.

True.

I think the first date breaker is in how people handle such calls.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

Do you really need a fake call to excuse yourself from a date? LOL.

I do it now because being honest about "I'm not feeling the chemistry that you seem to be feeling" resulted in a pretty violent reaction. When I say "stormed" out, I mean, slammed down his silverware on the table, got up and started to walk out. I threw money on the table for the waitress and ran to follow him. I got into his car to have him drive me back to my car (about a mile away). He drove like a total maniac and shoved me out of the car as soon as I opened the car door to get out. That one date made me never say that during the date and NEVER go anywhere in his car on the first date either. We live and learn

[knight_shadow]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I do it now because being honest about "I'm not feeling the chemistry that you seem to be feeling" resulted in a pretty violent reaction. When I say "stormed" out, I mean, slammed down his silverware on the table, got up and started to walk out. I threw money on the table for the waitress and ran to follow him. I got into his car to have him drive me back to my car (about a mile away). He drove like a total maniac and shoved me out of the car as soon as I opened the car door to get out. That one date made me never say that during the date and NEVER go anywhere in his car on the first date either. We live and learn

Wow.

I don't understand mess like that. If a date isn't working out, so be it. I'm not gonna get all butthurt because there's no chemistry. I hate when my friends come back with stories about "Man, that bitch was this-and-that! She was boring and made the date suck and said nothing would come of this!"

I'm like "Why are y'all so damn mad? Was she the last single woman in the city? Get over it."

[BluPhire]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

Wow.

I don't understand mess like that. If a date isn't working out, so be it. I'm not gonna get all butthurt because there's no chemistry. I hate when my friends come back with stories about "Man, that bitch was this-and-that! She was boring and made the date suck and said nothing would come of this!"

I'm like "Why are y'all so damn mad? Was she the last single woman in the city? Get over it."

I know personally if the date looks like it is going to be bad, I make it a great date regardless.

I had a date with a chick with no conversation and I said to myself I would never have an awkward moment like that again...so if I know it is going to be bad...I can at least have some fun. Not gonna see the person again.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I do it now because being honest about "I'm not feeling the chemistry that you seem to be feeling" resulted in a pretty violent reaction. When I say "stormed" out, I mean, slammed down his silverware on the table, got up and started to walk out. I threw money on the table for the waitress and ran to follow him. I got into his car to have him drive me back to my car (about a mile away). He drove like a total maniac and shoved me out of the car as soon as I opened the car door to get out. That one date made me never say that during the date and NEVER go anywhere in his car on the first date either. We live and learn

We definitely live and learn. In hindsight, it's easy to say that you shouldn't have gotten in the car with him. I'd rather walk to my car a mile away than get in the car after telling a man that I'm not feeling the chemistry and he slammed down his silverware.

[Fleur de Lis]

- Negativity (talks about how much he hates his job, etc.)
- Is rude to the host/server
- Doesn't tip enough (you can't always see the check, but a man who is stingy with tips is stingy with love)
- Doesn't look you in the eye when he's talking
- Expects you to carry the conversation

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

We definitely live and learn. In hindsight, it's easy to say that you shouldn't have gotten in the car with him. I'd rather walk to my car a mile away than get in the car after telling a man that I'm not feeling the chemistry and he slammed down his silverware.

Oh yeah, it was January and about 6 degrees out too. If it was summer, I'd have probably walked it.

[KSUViolet06]

Catching someone in little lies.

Example: When we first spoke on the phone to arrange Date #1 (a week after meeting) you said you were an architect.

While talking on Date #1, you now work in seasonal contruction.

If you lie about what you do for a living, there's really no telling what else you will lie about.

[KΣGuy316]

I'm surprised none of the women on here haven't mentioned:

If he picks me up in a minivan. (An especially crappy one to say the least)

or

If, when in conversation, he says "my wife" at any point.

[BAckbOwlsgIrl]

* REALLY believes in aliens and their colonies on Earth
* Has Social Anxiety disorder and does not like large groups of people
* Puts the menu 2 inches from nose only to let you know he is visually impaired which was not previously disclosed.
* Multiple workers compensations claims and no job.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

LOL. Leave cheerfulgreek alone. This thread is all about the subjective "signs of a bad date." I could critique what a lot of people typed if I felt like it.

Plus, we already know how she feels about certain things. LOL.

Sidebar/
I had a convo with a friend about the usefulness of an actual philosophy major/degree the other day. I said that philosophy is a component of many schools of thoughts/majors/degrees/fields/careers and I feel like philosophy should be the beginning of a discussion and not the end [philosophy---->philosophy]. I have philosophical discussions all the time but I did not know whether literally being a philosopher had great utility. That was my simplistic way of thinking (I was tie-red) and what I said can be and has been said for a number of fields, though. I would never be disrespectful toward someone with a bachelor's or graduate degree in philosophy. It is awesome in its own right and has utility. Like I said, philosophy's a component of many schools of thought and fields of expertise---even *gasp* some of the things that cheerfulgreek chooses to be interested in.
/Sidebar

Well, this is true, DrPhil, it's just that in a partner, all I want is to feel financially secure. I mean, it's just that fast food places don't pay enough to even live off of, and I'm not saying that someone with a philosophy degree is a bad person, or anything, it's just that I've never met anyone with that kind of degree that has a decent, well paying career. I mean, I know there are some out there, I just haven't met any. All I'm saying is that I've always wanted a guy who I can build a future with, someone I can depend on. It's just that I can't see how a guy working a fast food job can give me that sense of security. That's all I'm saying.

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

But it's not about her hobbies, for me, it's about seeing if she is a person that I would like spending time with if there were no romance at all. To me, that is the one true measure of a friend, a person with whom I like to spend time, having no regard to how we are spending it,--her hobbies or mine. Doesn't matter. The way I see it, I would want my best friends to be honest, faithful, spiritual, responsible, connecting, loving etc. So, those qualities also need to be present in her, too.

Originally Posted by Prettyface08

LOL!! umm, how do I explain it, Hmmm. Have you ever known anyone whose mouth always seemed to have a little puddle around the bottom lip? It's kind of like drool but doesn't dribble down the chin just stays around the lip. Example: Diddy looks like he has a wet mouth. OR if the corners of their mouth is always wet, I can't do it. I can't kiss someone with all that excess saliva. Swallow sometimes! UGH lol

lol
Ewwwww! That is SO gross. I've never seen that before. However, I've seen guys with that white stuff in the corners of their mouth. Like, when they talk, it moves up and down, but never breaks apart. Ya know what I mean? I looks like mayonnaise. It's SO disgusting and it makes me gag. Yuck! Have you ever seen that, before?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

...it's just that I've never met anyone with that kind of degree that has a decent, well paying career. I mean, I know there are some out there, I just haven't met any.

Then instead of being judgmental and slamming the degree, open your mind and see what he's doing with his degree. The same as you would expect from a man who thinks your degree and line of work (and overall interests) sound like a ridiculous waste of time. As you probably know, there are people with philosophy degrees who make more than you may ever earn and that's because most majors and degree fields include a range of careers and jobs.

Plus, you're most likely thinking of a B.A in philosophy--which isn't a total waste, either. But, I don't think in terms of college majors. I think in terms of masters, doctorates, juris doctorates, and so forth. People don't pursue those with the expectation to pontificate as to whether the customer wants their chicken fried or grilled.

All in all, when it comes to dating and sustaining relationships, don't be that which you despise and give what you expect to get.