Hyphenated last names

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Explains A LOT! She needs to sit down NOW and have that discussion about expectations.

If you met her, you would be able to tell she won't. She'll still marry him. She's not very strong willed.

[AZ-AlphaXi]

Kept my maiden name when I married (25 years ago). Husband thinks its great. Son has his last name.

Husband thinks it funny when he gets called Mr. My-maiden-name and I often (espcially by son's friends) get called Mrs. His-name - although I still look for my MIL when it happens.

with so many blended families now, its not unusual for kids to not have the name of one or both parents.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn

I took Andy's last name, but was surprised when I started being referred to as First Name, Maiden Name, Last Name when volunteering with my alma mater and the sorority. It caught me off guard at first, because I was married for 3+ years and hadn't used my maiden name for anything. I now use my maiden name with my Last Name regularly in communications, but it's not my legal name anymore.

That's pretty common with colleges and sororities - so that people who knew you then can figure out who you are, and for their records (so that they can tie you in with all the rest of your transcripts, etc.). You signed all your paperwork with your maiden name - I think this is just their way of keeping it all straight.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by agzg

That's pretty common with colleges and sororities - so that people who knew you then can figure out who you are, and for their records (so that they can tie you in with all the rest of your transcripts, etc.). You signed all your paperwork with your maiden name - I think this is just their way of keeping it all straight.

I use my hyphenated name with AOII for this reason. My chapter sisters wouldn't recognize me if it just said my married name.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn

I took Andy's last name, but was surprised when I started being referred to as First Name, Maiden Name, Last Name when volunteering with my alma mater and the sorority. It caught me off guard at first, because I was married for 3+ years and hadn't used my maiden name for anything. I now use my maiden name with my Last Name regularly in communications, but it's not my legal name anymore.

Like Calva Watson Wootton!! We learned the founders by their maiden and married names, and like agzg said, people are always referred to in sorority circles by their maiden and married names.

As someone who gets her maiden (only) last name mispronounced all the time, I AM militant about it, especially when I correct someone once and they persist in mispronouncing it. I completely sympathize with hyphenates being ticked off, because I'm sure they get the same thing AND some thinly veiled tones of voice about what they think of hyphenation.

[SydneyK]

When hubby and I were planning our wedding, he actually asked me if I thought we should both hyphenate our names. My maiden name has Welsh roots and is difficult to pronounce; his has Native American roots and is never mispronounced (think: ClearWater; Stands with Fist (ha)). We figured any combination of our names would sound odd and would most likely be mispronounced, so I decided just to take his name. My maiden name is now my middle name.

And I echo the others who have said the OP's friend needs to step back and really look at what's going on.

[violetpretty]

I can say for sure I will not be hyphenating my name. Logistically, it's a pain, and my last name does not sound good as the first of two hyphenated names. What happens when two hyphenated named kids get married? Do their kids have 4 last names?

Hyphenations are one of my naming pet peeves along with people whose kids go by their middle names. Schools don't know what they go by, so the first day of school, the teacher calls out Roland and everyone laughs at poor Joey. Honor your beloved relative with the embarassing name in your child's MIDDLE name.

I like my last name and I will probably keep it. However, my kids will go by my husband's last name, and I am okay with that. I have thought about changing my middle name to my mother's maiden name, since my middle name is Marie (GENERIC---like everyone else!), and I would like both sides of my heritage to be reflected in my name.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I can say for sure I will not be hyphenating my name. Logistically, it's a pain, and my last name does not sound good as the first of two hyphenated names. What happens when two hyphenated named kids get married? Do their kids have 4 last names?

Hyphenations are one of my naming pet peeves along with people whose kids go by their middle names. Schools don't know what they go by, so the first day of school, the teacher calls out Roland and everyone laughs at poor Joey. Honor your beloved relative with the embarassing name in your child's MIDDLE name.

I like my last name and I will probably keep it. However, my kids will go by my husband's last name, and I am okay with that. I have thought about changing my middle name to my mother's maiden name, since my middle name is Marie (GENERIC---like everyone else!), and I would like both sides of my heritage to be reflected in my name.

That's a nice thought. I actually considered changing my last name to my mother's maiden name when i was a senior med student. My last name is frequently mispronounced in an embarrassing way (I don't really care anymore.) My mom's name was Dumas. I really thought about it but decided that I really didn't want to be Dr. Dumba$$ for the rest of my life since that's what kids called her growing up!

BTW, if you do it like the Spanish, you would drop your mother's name when you marry and add your husband's. Your children would have your father's name added to the end of your husband's name.

Ex. Maria Gonzalez-Prieto marries Eduardo Acosta-Rodriguez. Maria becomes Maria Gonzalez-Acosta.
Her children are Acosta-Gonzalez. I am 100% sure about the children as I have a friend who hyphenates. I am not 100% about the order that his mother's name is written. It may be Acosta-Gonzalez as well, but I think it is the way previously written. Maybe one of our latino GC-ers can help me!

[thetygerlily]

First- it's sad that this is a dealbreaker for him but she likely won't call it off. Unfortunately I think those types of relationships are fairly common, or at least more common than I'd like to see. My husband and I are both very strong-willed and neither will go down without a (verbal) fight

Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn

I took Andy's last name, but was surprised when I started being referred to as First Name, Maiden Name, Last Name when volunteering with my alma mater and the sorority.

I definitely get the rationale behind including it, but I feel like when they send me a letter or something, I don't need to see my maiden name. For official records, name tags, whatever- fine. But don't blast me with it. I dropped it for a reason! My biggest pet peeve, though? Being called Mr. and Mrs. Husband'sFirst LastName. By my college. Where both my husband and I attended and received degrees. If I didn't go there, okay, maybe I understand that it's HISTORICALLY acceptable (I'd get annoyed but not throw a fit). But- I did graduate from there, so I complained... Address us as Husband and Lily LastName. Two people, same last name. Genious! I started a mini revolution, several others complained after me thanks to the glories of Facebook.

I didn't feel much tie to my maiden name's family (only met the extended family once or twice), hated being at the end of the alphabet, and rebelled against having a masculine last name (male name + s... like Stevens, but not). I had no hesitation in dropping that altogether and adopting my husband's name... but because it is a Portuguese name, it is often misspelled (although it's a very common word in Spanish, the name equivalent uses a different spelling- so people always use the Spanish version). Eh, it's misspelled less than my maiden (people often dropped or changed letters at will).

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

BTW, if you do it like the Spanish, you would drop your mother's name when you marry and add your husband's. Your children would have your father's name added to the end of your husband's name.

My husband is Brazilian and that is kind of like how his family does it- but without the hyphens. So he has four names: First Mother'sMaiden Father'sMother'sMaiden Father'sFather'sLast. Although the FMM is actually two words (de + name) so he has five words in his name. So F MM de FMM FFL. No middle name- so when he came to the US and they suddenly started using Mother'sMaiden as his midden name & middle initial he was incredibly confused. Now he just goes with it... but begrudgingly

I had a lot to think about in choosing what names I would take. In Brazil I would take most of those names- but since we're in the US and to simplify things, I just took the last one (FFL). I'm not sure what we'll do with kids... probably just keep them to match mine, or maybe play with family names as middle names. But we aren't there yet so we'll figure it out when we get there!

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by thetygerlily

My biggest pet peeve, though? Being called Mr. and Mrs. Husband'sFirst LastName. By my college. Where both my husband and I attended and received degrees. If I didn't go there, okay, maybe I understand that it's HISTORICALLY acceptable (I'd get annoyed but not throw a fit).

You know it's funny, and a generational thing I know, but my mother hated being addressed as Mrs. HerFirstName Surname. Completely incorrect, she always said. She would say should either be Mrs. Husband'sFirstName Surname or simply HerFirstName Surname. In other words, she maintained taht if you use a first name with "Mrs.", it should be the husband's first name.

She finally got used to having people use Mrs. and her first name, but I don't think she ever got to where she liked it or thought it was proper.

[thetygerlily]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

You know it's funny, and a generational thing I know, but my mother hated being addressed as Mrs. HerFirstName Surname. Completely incorrect, she always said. She would say should either be Mrs. Husband'sFirstName Surname or simply HerFirstName Surname. In other words, she maintained taht if you use a first name with "Mrs.", it should be the husband's first name.

She finally got used to having people use Mrs. and her first name, but I don't think she ever got to where she liked it or thought it was proper.

Oh that is funny! I think that comes from a time where marriage was almost part of a status symbol- you take on part of that family's identity, and prove that you are good enough to get married. Well that's kind of the cynical boiled down version anyway. That's why it wouldn't have bothered me (as much) if it were from somewhere else... I know in the past that was just how it was, and what was expected. But we're not of those times anymore, and my school in particular sees a lot of marriages between graduates- so they're going to have to get with the times. I don't mind being a rabble-rouser if it brings us up to date.

I still pause a little when I hear "Mrs. MarriedName"... the Mrs. just seems weird. I mean, I know I'm married, I know that comes with the territory- but it seems so formal. I much prefer Ms. MarriedName or hey, we're in the 21st century, just call me Lily. No prefix required.

[agzg]

I made a joke but then realized that I was thinking of Leif Garret.

How embarassing.