More Men are Marrying Wealthier Women

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

For everyone bashing restaurant workers...face it, in today's economy, they probably have way more secure jobs than some white collar workers. People in advertising agencies are losing jobs because companies are cutting it. However, people are STILL eating at McDonald's, not to mention far more expensive restaurants.

As far as "you'd have to be a complete intellectual lump to stay in that job" - what about all the guys who worked on the assembly lines for umpteen years? They didn't just do the same job, they did the SAME SET OF MOTIONS for 8+ hours a day. I sincerely doubt that every man in that position needed multiple hints to spell "cat" or the like. The job was secure, the benefits rocked - they didn't quit because they weren't being intellectually stimulated.

Re AOIIAngel's hubby, a true homemaker as opposed to housewife/husband IS a full time job. You're maintaining the home, raising the children, doing things that normally the family might have to hire someone to do. That being said, when AOIIAngel gets home, the laundry should be done, dinner should be on the table, and the house should be clean.

Having been in an office job that became incredibly mentally and emotionally deadening, I want no part of the corporate world right now, because the people above me (the "successes") didn't seem much happier. I want to do my job, come home, and forget about it. If someone wants to think I'm stupid or lazy for that reason, I really don't give a shit.

Exactly, and that is not what I'd get. Truthfully, a lot of housewives don't do this either. Yes, being a stay at home wife and mother is a full time job, but not everyone who is a stay at home wife (or husband) takes that job seriously. My husband knows full well that he'd sit around all day (like he does on the weekends when I'm on call), and I'd come home to a dirty house and no dinner. I don't ask that he makes as much as me, but dammit...he's gonna work. It keeps him occupied (like daycare for my husband) and he makes enough to cover his own educational loans. That's not too much to ask.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Schmidtty

This and your other comments on this topic are pretty arrogant and snobbish. Don't you think? .

<snip>
Nope

[DaemonSeid]

I think also what we all really need to define here is at what limit will people (women more specifically since that is the focus of the article) put on marry someone who is not on the same income level as they are?

I mean are we talking about the woman as CEO dating the janitor or the owner of the janitorial company.


The doctor marrying the fry guy or the owner of a chain of fast food joints (interesting conflict of interest here also....LOL)

Or...are we talking about the CEO marrying the Executive Office Manager, the neurosurgeon marrying the Physician Assitant?

What kind of income (and career) gap are we talking about when we look at this article?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

I think also what we all really need to define here...

LOL

I hope "here" means to define it in your life outside of GC.

[DaemonSeid]

That as well as in the context of this discussion.

I bring it up because regardless of where this conversation is held what some people 'say' and what they actually do are sometimes 2 different things altogether.

[DrPhil]

Of course it's different. LOL. People can say whatever they want during a discussion but they know that what they do depends upon what the other person will tolerate, etc.

[DaemonSeid]

Puuuhhhlllllease say that again!

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

Puuuhhhlllllease say that again!

LOL--it has a (theoretical, if you will) background that a lot of people don't capture before they delve into the whole education, income, who works negotiations with their significant others.

On Divorce Court this controlling husband said "God created women to keep men from being lonely...blah blah blah...women can't be in charge...blah blah blah...." Then he went into the whole man being the unchallenged head of household and women are to submit thing.

Well, this man is TALKING but he has yet to find a woman with whom he can come to a consensus on that. He may find a woman who agrees. His soon-to-be ex-wife doesn't agree. Neither do I and that's why God sent me a man who generally doesn't believe in that. LOL.

[DaemonSeid]

Did he also blurt out the whole "be fruitful and multiply" thing too?

[DrPhil]

He didn't go there on the show. LOL. It seems he was more interested in what a woman can do directly for HIM.

He said something that researchers and theorists have found for a while, men who feel powerless at work come home and try to be powerful at home. If they have a boss who controls them at work, they want to be the boss who controls everyone at home. They have to get their "masculinity" from somewhere. There are other places they can get it but home is more immediate and consistent gratification.

[DaemonSeid]

@ AOII Angel Hmmm...what about child care?

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DaemonSeid

@ AOII Angel Hmmm...what about child care?

There are no and will be no children!

No sourgrapes here...I just don't see why I should support my husband to sit around at home just because he doesn't want to work.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

That just sounds like sour grapes, the I-have-to-do-it-so-you-do-too mindset.

Regardless, my comment about the benefit of hws and hhs was more of a general point. It goes without saying that not every husband or wife is cut out to be a hh or hw (and that not every husband or wife is cut out to have a hh or hw).

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

There are no and will be no children!

No sourgrapes here...I just don't see why I should support my husband to sit around at home just because he doesn't want to work.

Well, I think that depends on the personality/habits of staying at home, and why they're staying at home. For example - technical "housewives" or "househusbands" actually do work outside the home, for free. OR, they're writing a book while staying at home, OR, they have this, that, and the other going on at home. Maybe you have a huge house, but no staff, and you need someone to be constantly cleaning/doing laundry/maintaining the yard, etc.

Your husband may sit around on his butt all the time, but I as a housewife may clean, learn to be a gourmet chef (I'm thinking of Julia Childs here), intern somewhere, volunteer somewhere, take care of children, etc..

Just depends on the people (DrPhil's point, I guess).

[tld221]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

lol
Nope--or the guy at Scrubway or Taco Hell. (I'm kidding)

you're not kidding. but folks have already busted your chops enough.

Originally Posted by 33girl

I could care less what a guy does for a living. If he's the fry guy at McDonald's but treats me well, does electrical/mechanical/carpentry things around the house I don't have a CLUE how to do, and is a good and involved father, well yes I do want fries with that. I'd rather have that than the guy who works 80 hours a week.

Working in what some would call a "dead end job" is not an indicator of lack of ambition or responsibility, if they show responsibility in other areas.

hahaha @ "i do want fries with that." its funny how much we let what we do for a living define other parts of our lives. Ambition and responsibility can show through hobbies, how they treat those around them, goals they have outside of work... (in other words, what she said)

Originally Posted by epchick

A lot of people work better jobs than fast food places and still live paycheck to paycheck. A "good" job and ambition don't mean anything when you can't even live w/i your means and are up to your eyeballs in debt.


ETA: A manager at Starbucks makes more money than a teacher (at least here they do). I wouldn't necessarily knock "fast-food" jobs.

Shoot, my sister and I are having trouble seeing eye-to-eye. She thought I looked down on her for working at Ikea (she works cashier in the cafe) and I think she looks down on me because I have a "comfy" job (ie i sit at a desk, in an office).

Both of our jobs are demanding and equally important. I may sit at a desk, but im also up and out doing field work and managing relationships. She works on her feet all day but is punching buttons, occasionally refilling containers of condiments and dealing with crappy customer attitudes. Both of our jobs are career-related: i want to work in education/nonprofit, she wants to go into food service and interns at a hotel

she makes more than me and i have a degree. So who's the more dateable one?

Originally Posted by AGDee

My problem is, I need someone who is intellectually stimulating to me. Most people who are intellectually stimulating would be bored to tears in those types of jobs. It's not about their actual job, but more about needing someone who has the same intellectual needs that I do and that includes a need to be challenged intellectually on a daily basis.

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I disagree.

If one spouse makes enough money for the family to live comfortably, then there's no reason why the other spouse needs to be bringing in a steady income, if any income at all.

Having a housewife or househusband allows the couple to have the day to day stuff taken care of without intruding on the family's time together. Said housewives and househusbands (hws and hhs) aren't necessarily unambitious, either. For instance, I've seen hws and hhs who are huge assets to their communities because of the volunteer work they do.

For this to work, a lot of serious, honest conversations would have to be had. I would love for my future "for richer or poorer" to be 100% OK with begin the sole breadwinner. I already work for pennies a day but to be able to afford to that is a different story.

A friend of mine (older friend) and her husband keep finances seperate. He makes decent money working for Verizon (the hands-on stuff, not corporate). They own a Brooklyn brownstone, he pays the bills, car note, etc. She is a paralegal and while i have no idea what she makes, she seems to keep herself and her daughter well-kept. She says her husband says its his job to take care of the needs of the home, and for her to take care of the extras--manicures, salon visits, ballet lessons for the children, etc. When she wanted a dog, it came out of her pocket.

The arrangement works for both of them. She doesnt have to work but she like shiny things, so... she works for it.

[DrPhil]

This may've been said already but I feel like typing:

There are also people who have to take low-end jobs to put themselves though school. There are doctoral students who can't get job opportunities in their field, but they can become a bartender to put themselves through school until something else comes up.

There are also PhDs, JDs, and people who used to earn 140K a year (some with a wealth of finances and investments that they can't access) standing in unemployment lines.

I say all of that to say, or to repeat what has been said over and over in this thread: know what does and does not work for you. But, that doesn't require being completely dismissive of people.