Older Perp

[amIblue?]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Except even a perp could get away with this. She just says "sure, send me your stuff." The PNM would then never know that she didn't actually write/send in the rec. Hopefully she hasn't already done that to unsuspecting PNMs.

Except didn't carnation say that her daughter didn't need this rec? So no harm to the daughter, and if the perp has an ounce of shame, she should be embarrassed as all get out. She knows carnation knows that she isn't DEF.

[19pretty08]

So, what happened??? The suspense is killing me!

[AnchorAlumna]

This makes me think of the girl from my high school class who was trying to tell everybody she was 3 or 4 years younger than she is. Now, this woman was born here, grew up here, and has never lived anywhere else. People here have literally known her all her life.
Who did she think she was fooling??

This is the same woman who, a few years later, claimed she "didn't remember" being homecoming queen. I may forget my name one day, or even forget to eat, but I doubt that I'd forget I had been homecoming queen!

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

This makes me think of the girl from my high school class who was trying to tell everybody she was 3 or 4 years younger than she is. Now, this woman was born here, grew up her, and has never lived anywhere else. People here have literally know her all her life.
Who did she think she was fooling??

This is the same woman who, a few years later, claimed she "didn't remember" being homecoming queen. I may forget my name one day, or even forget to eat, but I doubt that I'd forget I had been homecoming queen!

There's a woman I used to do alumni volunteer work--who does not want to admit the year she graduated from college. While we all wear nametags and are listed in programs with Munchkin03, Class of 2003, she makes it clear that her "Class of" should never be listed.

...and then she wonders why she's not tapped for Big Roles in our alumni association, especially the women's leadership roles.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

This makes me think of the girl from my high school class who was trying to tell everybody she was 3 or 4 years younger than she is. Now, this woman was born here, grew up her, and has never lived anywhere else. People here have literally know her all her life.
Who did she think she was fooling??

We have one like that here. This is a successful woman but here she is in the town she was born and raised in, telling people that she was a Rockette and other major but similar lies. She was, come to think of it, one of the Perp's best high school friends, so my husband knows this woman well and he throws up when he hears her spout another whopper.

I'm not having any luck getting my daughters to out the Perp. They don't want to hurt her feelings because she's "nice"; she's throwing a shower for one of my girls today. Sigghhh.....

[SWTXBelle]

I wish I could link to AGD Jeannie Robertson's "Grandma Freddie's Trip to the Holy Land" - it is very topical .

[carnation]

So, a family bridal shower today, full of Greeks. The only non-Greeks were my mother-in-law and D. D was sitting next to a family member who's actually a DEF. I kept thinking, "I ought to say something and clear this up! Or ask something!" and the best I could come up with (because I was trying not to start a rumble) was to say to the real DEF, "Remember your first shower? It was so gorgeous, you wore your pearled DEF pin with that ivory dress!" while pointedly looking at D.

She only stared straight ahead.

At this point, I would have liked to go for the jugular and ask D where *her* pin was but my mother-in-law never would have recovered.

Sighhh....

[IndianaSigKap]

Carnation, you have much more self restraint than me. I have called someone out in a similar situation. This perp turned in her pin and terminated her membership in her chapter. At a social gathering, this perp was bragging about being an XY in front of soon to be graduates who I knew were going to ask for recs since they had already asked me for them. I casually made an off-hand remark to her about not knowing XY allowed those who terminated themselves still claim membership since Sigma Kappa does not. She has stopped mentioning her affiliation with XY.

[carnation]

Actually, I don't always have self-restraint! If this were not a close family situation, I'd jump right in. There are a few people who would think I was terrible if I hurt her feelings. They're not Greek so they don't get it. (Although my husband isn't Greek and he does get it.)

I was hoping that some of the people who first came up and commented on her DEF membership a couple of years ago would have said something to her by now. I mean, one is a DEF!

Those of you who know me IRL are probably surprised that I haven't fried her. I am too. And if I do, I'll never hear the end of, "Why couldn't you just play along? Why did you feel you had to expose her?"

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by carnation

Actually, I don't always have self-restraint! If this were not a close family situation, I'd jump right in. There are a few people who would think I was terrible if I hurt her feelings. They're not Greek so they don't get it. (Although my husband isn't Greek and he does get it.)

I was hoping that some of the people who first came up and commented on her DEF membership a couple of years ago would have said something to her by now. I mean, one is a DEF!

Those of you who know me IRL are probably surprised that I haven't fried her. I am too. And if I do, I'll never hear the end of, "Why couldn't you just play along? Why did you feel you had to expose her?"

Anyone who has ever been a member of just about anything should understand. I mean saying you are a member of athletic team would cause people to call you out. Isn't that often a theme in tv shows/movies? "Oh I'm a member of blah blah/on the team blah blah/work for blah blah." "Really wow that's interesting." Rest of the movie is person A trying to make lie work until person B figures it out and the relationship is ruined.

[AGDLynn]

This thread was started in 2009 but 3 years later, DEF members haven't called this person out?

If not, why not? Especially the one you had check the DEF database.

[carnation]

The DEF member in our family is wary of starting a huge family explosion--"why did you have to hurt D? Why couldn't you just play along?"

The DEF member who checked her out is a GCer who doesn't know her.

I wish I knew why some of the DEFs in town haven't said, "Look, ho..." (Probably because she's so @#! nice except for this.)

[33girl]

Originally Posted by carnation

And if I do, I'll never hear the end of, "Why couldn't you just play along? Why did you feel you had to expose her?"

That answer is super easy.

"Because I didn't want prospective rushees (possibly your daughters or their friends) to ask her for recommendations that she is not allowed to provide and hurt their chances at rush in the process."

[melindawarren]

Just read through this thread. Wow. Makes me wonder if I know any perps.

Carnation, she may be a very lovely person, but I know I would be hurt if I'd worked hard to secure a recommendation--only to find out months later that the person lied about her affiliation and I didn't have a rec at all. Truth be told, there's someone who may never have sent my rec (she's definitely a member of the organization, and I can confirm that), and I haven't quite forgiven her for leaving me hanging like that.

I just feel like you have to pull her aside and say, "hey, D, I really feel that it's important that you clarify your involvement with DEF." It definitely doesn't need to be a public event, and maybe she doesn't realize the potential danger in her lie? Maybe she needs someone knowledgable like you to help her realize that this is not really worth lying about.

I just think that it's a potentially bad situation, evidenced by the fact that your daughter bought into it.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Maybe she's sorry she ever said it, is embarrassed and doesn't know how to get out of the situation. If she isn't actively perping or offering her rec writing services to unsuspecting PNMs, just let it go. Family and relationships are far more important than Greek life and forgiving the less than stellar behavior of our loved ones is kind.