How do I not make this awkward?

[MMSe]

Seriously. Unless we were desperate for numbers, if someone rejected our initial bid and then came back next semester wanting one, unless he was some sort of amazing PNM (4.0, tons of extracurriculars, insane campus involvement), we wouldn't give him the time of day.

Well, they didn't offer me a bid, the president and vice president invited me to their first invite-only night, which I stupidly turned down to attend the other fraternity's. Later that night, I sent them an email saying how sorry I was that I missed it and if I could meet any other brothers I that I'd really appreciate it.

Then the next day, about 3 hours before the second invite-only night, I met with the recruitment chair and about 4-5 other brothers, and we talked for about 30 minutes, and THEN they called me later that night saying they couldn't invite me to the final invite only night. That's when they also told me to rush in the Spring and that "we can hang out sometime".

So I would hope that turning down an invite-only night (I don't know if other schools have them?) is less severe than turning down a bid, ESPECIALLY if I showed continued interest after turning down the initial bid.

Please let me know.

[ThetaDancer]

Originally Posted by MMSe

And after I met with my friend who is the rush chair for my original backup and explained all of this to him, I chose to defer on their bid. I told him straight up that I was still considering joining another fraternity, but he seemed to indicate that was okay. So I have a week to change my "defer' to "accept" for this one, but it seems like this semester I can just hang out with both groups and see which one I fit in better with.

Originally Posted by MMSe

Well, they didn't offer me a bid, the president and vice president invited me to their first invite-only night, which I stupidly turned down to attend the other fraternity's. Later that night, I sent them an email saying how sorry I was that I missed it and if I could meet any other brothers I that I'd really appreciate it.

Then the next day, about 3 hours before the second invite-only night, I met with the recruitment chair and about 4-5 other brothers, and we talked for about 30 minutes, and THEN they called me later that night saying they couldn't invite me to the final invite only night. That's when they also told me to rush in the Spring and that "we can hang out sometime".

So I would hope that turning down an invite-only night (I don't know if other schools have them?) is less severe than turning down a bid, ESPECIALLY if I showed continued interest after turning down the initial bid.

Please let me know.

I think people might be referencing the bid you chose to defer, if I'm reading this all correctly. If you only had a week to change from "defer" to "accept," you may not have the luxury of spending a semester and deciding which group you like best, because the group that did offer you a bid may not offer you another one.

[lucgreek]

Originally Posted by MMSe

Well, they didn't offer me a bid, the president and vice president invited me to their first invite-only night, which I stupidly turned down to attend the other fraternity's. Later that night, I sent them an email saying how sorry I was that I missed it and if I could meet any other brothers I that I'd really appreciate it.

Then the next day, about 3 hours before the second invite-only night, I met with the recruitment chair and about 4-5 other brothers, and we talked for about 30 minutes, and THEN they called me later that night saying they couldn't invite me to the final invite only night. That's when they also told me to rush in the Spring and that "we can hang out sometime".

So I would hope that turning down an invite-only night (I don't know if other schools have them?) is less severe than turning down a bid, ESPECIALLY if I showed continued interest after turning down the initial bid.

Please let me know.

If someone told me they turned down our invite-only night to go to another group's night, it would stick with me. The entire chapter most likely knows you turned down their invite. That being said, you said they hung out with you for a short amount of time and told you to hang out and rush in the spring.

Things change in a semester, if you're not hanging out with them already or getting calls about stuff, chances are they're not focusing their effort on you. So either they're expecting you to do a lot of the work with contacting them or (most likely) they aren't that interested in you. Currently, my group has PNMs that we are actively contacting already in order to prepare for Spring Rush. Granted I don't know your school or campus climate, so it might operate differently for you.

It doesn't hurt to call the group, but if they don't call you or keep you in the loop about the spring, they probably don't want you.