Yet another recruitment disappointment...

[33girl]

Originally Posted by sadpnm

From what I could tell (and I talked to a LOT of girls) I was the only one that had not been invited back.

This is NOT the case. I can tell you that with 99.9999999999999% certainty. It might be some of the people you talked to are lying because they don't want to admit a "struggling" chapter didn't invite them back.

It could also be that this chapter isn't really as far in the toilet as everyone perceives it to be.

Or if they are, might be that they are on some sort of rebuilding program or probation (not known to the general Greek/campus populace) that requires them to have above average standards in PNMs where grades, extracurriculars etc are concerned. As such, the members' hands might be tied as to who they can and cannot invite back.

Or, the members just suck a whole bunch at determining who likes them and who doesn't. (Happens more than you'd think.)

I hope this makes you feel better.

[tld221]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

I have to say, even as someone who that statement wasn't directed to, I found that pretty offensive.

I think there might have been more eloquent ways of stating the fact that smaller chapters don't = automatic invites back.

you really found that offensive? i didnt think she was saying that teh OP didn't meet their standards - we always say on GC that there could be a host of reasons why a PNM is cut.

i didnt find it not even a little offensive. i really dont see how it could come off snarky or what have you. unless dreamseeker really did mean it in a nasty way...

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by sadpnm

Okay, so I'm going through recruitment right now... just finished the second night.

Like at most schools, mine has a struggling, not as popular chapter. I decided (because I stalked GC all summer) to give them a shot and not listen to all of the not so good things that people were saying about them and, surprise of all surprises, I LOVED my time there. I met four girls who were all so cute and sweet and we had amazing conversations and I really felt like I belonged. So I ranked them first.

I got my schedule tonight and was happy to find that I had a full schedule and had only been dropped by one sorority... until I realized that the one that had dropped me had been my favorite. From what I could tell (and I talked to a LOT of girls) I was the only one that had not been invited back.

I'm so upset about it. I actually think it hurts more than if I had been dropped by a top group, because with a really popular sorority there could have been a lot of reasons, like I may have fallen through the cracks or just not ranked high enough. With this sorority, I know it's something personal and I can't figure out what I did wrong... I really thought they liked me

I guess I'm not really looking for advice because I know none of you can tell me what went wrong, but I need to vent and have no one to talk to. I can't talk to my mom because she doesn't understand because she's not greek. I tried to talk to my friend in my rho gamma group, but all she said was that I'm lucky I didn't have to go back there. And yes, she was invited back and not happy at all about it.

I went to my parties and had a good time, but I just feel so hurt and want to know what I did. Why they didn't like me as much as I liked them

Thanks for giving me a space to complain... have you ever heard of this happening to a girl?

SadPNM,

First of all go ahead and vent. Recruitment is SO hard and emotional and sometimes you just need to talk to someone and have someone listen. I think being dropped by any group no matter how "popular" they are would hurt if you liked them and wanted to be invited back. Who knows what happened and why you were not invited back? You may have fallen through the cracks or it might have been a mistake- it happens especially when using the RFM's and dealing with huge list of women. OR they may have just decided to release you for whatever reason? You probably will never know the reason.

There is a bright side. You have a full party list! That is great and I'm sure there are really great Chapters listed. Keep your chin and and carry on. Good luck to you. I hope through the process you find another "favorite".

[epchick]

Originally Posted by tld221

you really found that offensive? i didnt think she was saying that teh OP didn't meet their standards - we always say on GC that there could be a host of reasons why a PNM is cut.

I know that isn't what dreamseeker was saying, but I could see how it would be harsh/offensive to the OP. That statement in and of itself is pretty harsh (when we say it about guys, we clearly mean they aren't on our level, or as 'good' as us) and I don't think that is necessarily what the OP needed to hear about a group that she really thought she could be a part of.

I think that dreamseeker could have explained what she meant a little better (like the way some of the other GCers did) or just worded it a little differently.

[DubaiSis]

the phrase "everything happens for a reason" comes to mind. Get through recruitment, have a good time and if things should happen to not work out for you, and favorite but struggling chapter is still looking for members, maybe you can approach them (through the greek affairs office) and see if they'd be open to COB'ing you. But that's a very last place back up plan. I bet recruitment is going to work out just fine for you and you'll find a place you'd be happy. I bet more than anything you're feeling bad for having been cut by ANYONE and regardless of who they were you'd be feeling some of this. You'll get better at it as the week goes on because more than likely you'll encounter even more unpleasant cuts. It's just the harsh reality of recruitment. Good luck and keep your chin up!

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

This is NOT the case. I can tell you that with 99.9999999999999% certainty. It might be some of the people you talked to are lying because they don't want to admit a "struggling" chapter didn't invite them back.

It could also be that this chapter isn't really as far in the toilet as everyone perceives it to be.

Or if they are, might be that they are on some sort of rebuilding program or probation (not known to the general Greek/campus populace) that requires them to have above average standards in PNMs where grades, extracurriculars etc are concerned. As such, the members' hands might be tied as to who they can and cannot invite back.

Or, the members just suck a whole bunch at determining who likes them and who doesn't. (Happens more than you'd think.)

I hope this makes you feel better.

There's always the chance it is a group who requires PNMs to have a rec to be invited back, and even when PNMs think they have recs, sometimes they just aren't sent in, they get lost, or (and I am not saying this you is SadPNM) recs are not positive for whatever reason.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by tld221

unless dreamseeker really did mean it in a nasty way...

i didn't

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

They may not have felt they were good enough for you either. Sometimes a struggling chapter will cut women who they think will cut them so they can say that they cut them first.

I have to disagree with this.

I hardly think a chapter would *really* say "we're going to cut her so that we can say we cut her and not the other way around!!"

I think it's more how someone else explained it: They might have thought she would have chosen to go somewhere else, so they released her and invited back people they thought they would have a better chance of bidding if they really thought she was a top candidate and they didn't have a chance with her.

I guess it's all in semantics-- but I find that concept similar to a situation where, say, a legacy sister who is going through recruitment and her older blood sister is the President of sorority ABC.

She might be a very desirable candidate for membership that a lot of the houses want, but many of the houses release her - not because they don't think she'll be a good fit, or because she doesn't have the grades, or whatever, but because they figure she will probably pledge ABC since her older sister is there. The don't really release her to say "we released her and she didn't release US!" they just want to free up that space for someone they think will likely choose them too.

[sadpnm]

Hi everyone!

Thanks for all of your posts, they made me feel a lot better! Anyway, I did a lot of thinking and I think I was so enamored by this chapter for the wrong reasons. Don't get me wrong, I still think they're great girls, but I think I was looking to be their superhero and get them out of their struggling state. Like I said, I've been reading GC all summer and I guess everyone's advice to girls in the opposite situation of mine (more leadership opportunities, chance to turn the chapter around, etc.) really appealed to me!

Anyway, quick update, I wasn't cut by any of my favorite chapters last night! So I went in feeling really, really good. In fact, my night was SO good that I almost wished some HAD cut me so that my ranking decisions would have been easier! I think that no matter what happens and which of my remaining chapters I go to I will be happy.

The only bad thing was something that my friend did. She was invited back to the chapter that dropped me and apparently told them how much they had hurt me! She came back from the party and was like "you're gonna love me!" but I'm actually really embarrassed and hope that doesn't get around to the other chapters. According to her, she told them that a lot of PNMs think they're huge bitches for cutting me. I'm not sure if she said those exact words or if she just said it for storytelling purposes (I'm hoping the latter...) but I'm a little nervous about how it will affect me...

I'm off to recruitment now! I'll let you all know how it goes later!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by sadpnm

Hi everyone!

Thanks for all of your posts, they made me feel a lot better! Anyway, I did a lot of thinking and I think I was so enamored by this chapter for the wrong reasons. Don't get me wrong, I still think they're great girls, but I think I was looking to be their superhero and get them out of their struggling state. Like I said, I've been reading GC all summer and I guess everyone's advice to girls in the opposite situation of mine (more leadership opportunities, chance to turn the chapter around, etc.) really appealed to me!

The only bad thing was something that my friend did. She was invited back to the chapter that dropped me and apparently told them how much they had hurt me! She came back from the party and was like "you're gonna love me!" but I'm actually really embarrassed and hope that doesn't get around to the other chapters. According to her, she told them that a lot of PNMs think they're huge bitches for cutting me. I'm not sure if she said those exact words or if she just said it for storytelling purposes (I'm hoping the latter...) but I'm a little nervous about how it will affect me...

I'm off to recruitment now! I'll let you all know how it goes later!

I think it's good that you recognized the fact that the "superhero to the small chapter" mentality isn't always good.

It IS good to want to get involved, but it's not good to sort of want to take on a chapter as a "project" so to speak.

In terms of your friend's comments, I would think that her bringing this up during recruitment would reflect more poorly on her than it would on you.

Now, it has happened that a girl was rubbed the wrong way by a PNM's comment and told a girl in another chapter, and caused her to get cut. But being as it's not something YOU said, it's not likely.

[exlurker]

Originally Posted by sadpnm

. . . The only bad thing was something that my friend did. She was invited back to the chapter that dropped me and apparently told them how much they had hurt me! She came back from the party and was like "you're gonna love me!" but I'm actually really embarrassed and hope that doesn't get around to the other chapters. According to her, she told them that a lot of PNMs think they're huge bitches for cutting me. I'm not sure if she said those exact words or if she just said it for storytelling purposes (I'm hoping the latter...) but I'm a little nervous about how it will affect me...

I'm off to recruitment now! I'll let you all know how it goes later!

Oh lordy.

< exlurker takes deep breath >

Oh lordy.

Some 18 - 19 year olds will never cease to amaze me, though I try to put up a brave front of being unshockable and un-amazable.

Best wishes to you, sadpnm.

[ThetaDancer]

Originally Posted by sadpnm

I'm off to recruitment now! I'll let you all know how it goes later!

Best of luck for the rest of your recruitment. Stay positive.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by exlurker

Oh lordy.

< exlurker takes deep breath >

Oh lordy.

Some 18 - 19 year olds will never cease to amaze me, though I try to put up a brave front of being unshockable and un-amazable.

Best wishes to you, sadpnm.

That's what I was thinking!

sadpnm, I hope your recruitment continues to go well!

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

I have to disagree with this.

I hardly think a chapter would *really* say "we're going to cut her so that we can say we cut her and not the other way around!!"

I know for a fact that my chapter cut people that we knew would cut us before they could do it. Of course, on my campus, we knew a lot of the people going through recruitment beforehand...and these weren't just other chapter's legacies. Hell, we fought to get those!

[FSUZeta]

so glad to hear that you continue to enjoy the recruitment process. please keep us updated.