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09-03-2009, 10:01 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DGTerp06
On my 23rd birthday, my grandmother called me and said, "You know, when I was your age, I was married and pregnant with my 3rd child!"
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That is so inappropriate. Just because getting married and having children young was right for her doesn't mean it's right for you.
I had the opposite problem. I got married when I was 23, and more than one person (including my MIL, who herself got married at age 20  ) told me they thought I was getting married too young.
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On those Debbie Downer days, I ask myself "what is wrong with me?" I am fully aware that there is nothing wrong with me, I just don't care to settle. I think it's fair to expect what you want. And that's what I'm doing.
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Nothing is wrong with you. Trust me - don't settle for marrying just any old guy just so you can check off the "get married before age <whatever>" box. If you meet the right man, great. And if you don't - wouldn't you rather stay single than marry some loser just so you have a ring on your finger?
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AEΦ ... Multa Corda, Una Causa ... Celebrating Over 100 Years of Sisterhood
Have no place I can be since I found Serenity, but you can't take the sky from me...
Only those who risk going too far, find out how far they can go.
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09-03-2009, 10:05 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aephi alum
And if you don't - wouldn't you rather stay single than marry some loser just so you have a ring on your finger?
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But aephi alum, how else are we supposed to win at life?
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"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi
Lakers Nation.
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09-03-2009, 10:07 PM
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One of my grandmothers was married and having kids in her late teens (yes she finished high school) the other didn't marry until about 30, and had her one child at 36. The age disparity is interesting as my great grandmother on one side is roughly the same age as the grandmother on my other. There's also a divide amongst my cousins as one either marries and has kids young, or waits to marry and have kids in their thirties (usually due to education and career).
I figure I can wait if my grandmother did it way back in the day, and anyone who thinks there is something wrong with my choice to do other things before a family and kids is showing their own insecurity and perhaps jealousy since my single life has afforded me a lot of amazing experiences.
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09-03-2009, 10:17 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Posts: 8,261
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel
I figure I can wait if my grandmother did it way back in the day, and anyone who thinks there is something wrong with my choice to do other things before a family and kids is showing their own insecurity and perhaps jealousy since my single life has afforded me a lot of amazing experiences.
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This is the way I feel. Although my maternal grandparents got married when they were 20, they didn't start having kids until about 10 years later which was INSANE for the 1940s! They got to go to amazing places all over the world and within the US because they spent their youth childless, and encouraged their children to do the same. All of the grandkids have graduated from college, and most have gone on to graduate school. I have never received any marriage or baby pressure from my mother's side of the family.
My father's side, however, is another story. Although my grandmothers are exactly the same age, my dad's mom started having kids in her early 20s and didn't stop until her mid 40s. Of my fathers' 13 siblings, I believe 3--including my father--went to college. Of the 60 or so grandchildren, 15 of us went to college and I believe 5 have advanced degrees. 50, however, have children. So, when I go visit them, they're like, "why don't you have kids?" What the EFF?!
Also, the idea of having a child right now scares the hell out of me. In my inner circle (friends/co-workers I see on a weekly basis), there's been one stillbirth, one nuchal cord that necessitated a week-long NICU stage, and one micropreemie. If you stretch it out to acquaintances and friends who aren't nearby, there are even more complications and a few miscarriages. I know this stuff happens all the time, but for it to all happen at once is making me very cautious.
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09-03-2009, 10:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03
This is the way I feel. Although my maternal grandparents got married when they were 20, they didn't start having kids until about 10 years later which was INSANE for the 1940s! They got to go to amazing places all over the world and within the US because they spent their youth childless, and encouraged their children to do the same. All of the grandkids have graduated from college, and most have gone on to graduate school. I have never received any marriage or baby pressure from my mother's side of the family.
My father's side, however, is another story. Although my grandmothers are exactly the same age, my dad's mom started having kids in her early 20s and didn't stop until her mid 40s. Of my fathers' 13 siblings, I believe 3--including my father--went to college. Of the 60 or so grandchildren, 15 of us went to college and I believe 5 have advanced degrees. 50, however, have children. So, when I go visit them, they're like, "why don't you have kids?" What the EFF?!
Also, the idea of having a child right now scares the hell out of me. In my inner circle (friends/co-workers I see on a weekly basis), there's been one stillbirth, one nuchal cord that necessitated a week-long NICU stage, and one micropreemie. If you stretch it out to acquaintances and friends who aren't nearby, there are even more complications and a few miscarriages. I know this stuff happens all the time, but for it to all happen at once is making me very cautious.
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The thing is though, I get from what you've shared about yourself, that if we were single women who had babies with special needs, our families have the resources to assist us (though we're capable on our own) and that we'd still have careers and achieve our goals. Sometimes when I am with my family I feel as if I'm the exception, and not the rule. I do joke though that my sister has been married three times, so between the two of us we're covered.
As much as I would like to be married and a mother, there are times that the thought frightens me.
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09-03-2009, 11:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel
I do joke though that my sister has been married three times, so between the two of us we're covered.
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I laughed out loud.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel
As much as I would like to be married and a mother, there are times that the thought frightens me.
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This. I find myself being particularly creeped out now that I know people in my age group who are getting divorced already (at 25-30 years old). One girl I know got married at 22 and is in the middle of a divorce right now at age 25. It's sad, yet weird because I thought to myself "aren't we too young for this?"
__________________
"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi
Lakers Nation.
Last edited by KSUViolet06; 09-03-2009 at 11:22 PM.
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09-04-2009, 01:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06
But aephi alum, how else are we supposed to win at life?
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LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06
This. I find myself being particularly creeped out now that I know people in my age group who are getting divorced already (at 25-30 years old). One girl I know got married at 22 and is in the middle of a divorce right now at age 25. It's sad, yet weird because I thought to myself "aren't we too young for this?"
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I have two separate friends in their early 30s who have gotten married and gotten divorced. In both cases, their first spouses just ran off one day. One of my friends is remarried with a baby, the other is engaged. It is sad...
__________________
AEΦ ... Multa Corda, Una Causa ... Celebrating Over 100 Years of Sisterhood
Have no place I can be since I found Serenity, but you can't take the sky from me...
Only those who risk going too far, find out how far they can go.
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09-04-2009, 03:48 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Home.
Posts: 8,261
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel
The thing is though, I get from what you've shared about yourself, that if we were single women who had babies with special needs, our families have the resources to assist us (though we're capable on our own) and that we'd still have careers and achieve our goals. Sometimes when I am with my family I feel as if I'm the exception, and not the rule. I do joke though that my sister has been married three times, so between the two of us we're covered.
As much as I would like to be married and a mother, there are times that the thought frightens me.
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There's that, but for me it was the realization that babies die or can be very close to death. I've known families where this has happened, but usually there's an underlying factor (drug use, a genetic disorder that should have been recognized) or the mom was told from the beginning that she shouldn't have children. This year, I dealt more with couples who did everything "right" and still the kid died or was very close to it. That scares me a lot.
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09-07-2009, 11:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KSUViolet06
I laughed out loud.
I also have two stepsisters, one hase been married twice, the other once, and my stepbrother is older and has never been married. Since I'm going to graduate school and my sisters have kids I am not really pressured much anymore.
This. I find myself being particularly creeped out now that I know people in my age group who are getting divorced already (at 25-30 years old). One girl I know got married at 22 and is in the middle of a divorce right now at age 25. It's sad, yet weird because I thought to myself "aren't we too young for this?"
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Munchkin03
There's that, but for me it was the realization that babies die or can be very close to death. I've known families where this has happened, but usually there's an underlying factor (drug use, a genetic disorder that should have been recognized) or the mom was told from the beginning that she shouldn't have children. This year, I dealt more with couples who did everything "right" and still the kid died or was very close to it. That scares me a lot.
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I love my nephew, but I'm currently traveling with him and he coughed so much he barfed...I almost puked when he puked. I think my sympathetic gag reflex needs to be worked on before I become a parent. I also was with my baby cousin (my 1st cousin's kid, she's 12) and we talked a lot about cousins who had babies young and that it is hard so she can wait until she finishes college. I like that I'm now the good example and someone to be admired instead of pitied. I'd never be able to pick up and travel domestically or internationally, or live in a tent in Alaska for two months if I had a kid at 20. I'm going to try to get her to come visit me while I still live in a college town so she can get excited for college, and hopefully she'll stay in Girl Scouts.
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09-07-2009, 04:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aephi alum
I had the opposite problem. I got married when I was 23, and more than one person (including my MIL, who herself got married at age 20  ) told me they thought I was getting married too young.
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I realize this is a thread for "single ladies," but just wanted to jump in and say that my wife and I heard the same thing. We got married when I was 24 (she was 23), and we hear "Oh my gosh, you guys were too young!" quite a bit.
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09-07-2009, 10:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KSigkid
I realize this is a thread for "single ladies," but just wanted to jump in and say that my wife and I heard the same thing. We got married when I was 24 (she was 23), and we hear "Oh my gosh, you guys were too young!" quite a bit.
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Same here -- we were both 23 when we married. I get a lot of people asking me why we got married so young. I'm like, "Uh...because we felt like it?"
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09-08-2009, 12:45 AM
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Location: North Carolina
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Even though I finally decided to take the plunge with my other half and get engaged I still get annoyed for others who are pestered with this question. I have HS school classmates who have been married/had children/gotten divorced/gotten remarried FOUR TIMES since we graduated....15 years ago. Gee, wonder why I waited to pull the trigger??
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09-08-2009, 10:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel
Same here -- we were both 23 when we married. I get a lot of people asking me why we got married so young. I'm like, "Uh...because we felt like it?"
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The majority of my friends got married at 23/24/25ish. I think they felt it was a good age because they were done with college, and starting jobs or grad school (and some who are continuing with school don't want to wait until after med/grad/law school to get married, esp. if they've been dating for a long time).
__________________
"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi
Lakers Nation.
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09-08-2009, 11:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel
Same here -- we were both 23 when we married. I get a lot of people asking me why we got married so young. I'm like, "Uh...because we felt like it?"
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Do you think it's regional? Where I grew up, most people do get married at that age. I think it's coastal California and the Bos-Wash corridor where younger marriages are looked askance--the assumption is that either you did it because you were pregnant, or your parents didn't want you to live together before marriage. Not that I think either of those are valid reasons to get married, but it seems to make more sense to people here than the usual reason--that you get married because you love someone and you want to.
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09-08-2009, 11:25 AM
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In terms of regional differences: I find that 23-25ish is the common age for peeps to get married where I live now (NE Ohio). Most marry within a year or so of graduating college.
However, I grew up in So Cal, and I find that none of my longtime friends from that area (SD/LA/etc) were engaged or married before 28 or so. I had a friend ask me if my engaged 23 year old sorority sister was "super religious or something."
__________________
"Remember that apathy has no place in our Sorority." - Kelly Jo Karnes, Pi
Lakers Nation.
Last edited by KSUViolet06; 09-08-2009 at 11:31 AM.
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