Is she pregnant?

[Kevin]

Don't PM me. I don't know the law in your state. That's why I said to talk to a lawyer in your state and be sure to ask him certain questions. There are things you can do (in most states) early on to make sure it's yours, etc., but believe me, you don't want her to go to a guy like me who will take a default on you and just put whatever we feel like putting into the paternity decree (based on the information we have, of course).

You're not the first guy this has happened to. I was preventable, but that's beside the point now. I'm not sure why anyone would want to continue talking about that other than to feel somehow superior to someone on the internet. (pretty awesome)

If I were you, I'd use the next 9 months to start preparing for what is probably inevitable. Do things like figuring out what child support will be and if you can't afford that, get a better job (and refigure child support). Also, if you don't have a place which can easily accommodate an infant for visitation, you'll need think about that when your lease comes up.

So it's very likely right now, not 100%, but likely that you're going to be a dad. Make sure you get someone to look after your rights. Start saving for that retainer fee NOW and start thinking about what the future is going to bring you. I urge you to accept what's probably going to happen and resolve to be the best parent you can possibly be.

-- and once she's further along, you might consider telling your folks, grandparents bankroll just about every paternity case that walks through my door.

[nikki1920]

And dude needs to get to the clinic or his doctor STAT because he needs to check himself for STDs. Since the baby is definitely his and all. .

[DrPhil]

Me thinks he's going to wish he never shared this information with the GC community.

[court4short]

Xanthus.. good luck. For your sake I hope you have learned. If you are indeed 30 like someone mentioned earlier, I feel a little better about the situation. I thought you were much younger (I don't know why). I also hope that you don't have any STDs.

I'm not going to judge you for your mistake. I can sort of understand. Though I don't think you made a smart choice, I'm not going to criticize you because that's not going to change the fact. This kind of thing happens a lot, and it's unfortunate, but now you've learned something. It's just a shame that it took a pregnancy to prove a point. (Hence, this is what's called an *accident* - no one plans to accidentally get someone pregnant, EVER. But you did, and you have to deal.)

Good luck. Be supportive of whatever SHE wants to do, it's her body. Make sure the kid is yours. If it's not, be outtttttttta there. If it is, be the most supporitve father you can be.

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by court4short

Hence, this is what's called an *accident* - no one plans to accidentally get someone pregnant, EVER. But you did, and you have to deal.

Hate to say it, but this is where you're wrong. His penis didn't accidentally end up inside her. They had sex, if we're getting down to the biology of that, it is about procreation. There is not such thing as an "accidental" pregnancy, I don't care if one is on the pill and using every sort of protection out there.

Xanthus,
Kevin gave you some good advice, especially about being the best father you can be. Regardless of what happens, remember that the child didn't choose to be created, and thus you have to do your best to make it right for him/her.

[court4short]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

Hate to say it, but this is where you're wrong. His penis didn't accidentally end up inside her. They had sex, if we're getting down to the biology of that, it is about procreation. There is not such thing as an "accidental" pregnancy, I don't care if one is on the pill and using every sort of protection out there.

I do agree with you on this, I guess I didn't word it the right way to get across my point. I was more trying to say that you don't always have sex with the intent of getting someone pregnant, and, IMO, if you ARE using the Pill, condoms (unlike the OP), spermicidal lube, etc. all at the same time and you STILL get pregnant - well, then THAT'S an accident because you took every precaution you could. Technically, you could practice abstinence, but let's be realistic - not everyone does. I don't think it's fair to blame someone for a pregnancy if they use every single precaution and still get pregnant.

However, this is irrelevant so let's just leave it. I know you probably disagree with me, but that's fine.

The point is, the OP didn't use a condom. Hopefully he has learned, and others reading this, as well.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by AOII_LB93

Hate to say it, but this is where you're wrong. His penis didn't accidentally end up inside her. They had sex, if we're getting down to the biology of that, it is about procreation. There is not such thing as an "accidental" pregnancy, I don't care if one is on the pill and using every sort of protection out there.

Xanthus,
Kevin gave you some good advice, especially about being the best father you can be. Regardless of what happens, remember that the child didn't choose to be created, and thus you have to do your best to make it right for him/her.

I really disagree with your philosophy that there is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy. When a birth control method fails, it is an accident. It's kind of like saying that there is no such thing as a car accident because every time you get into a car, you could run into something or something could run into you. That doesn't mean that you intend for it to happen. If you don't intend for it to happen, it is an accident. I suppose for some, the only purpose of sex is procreation, but for most, it's also an intimate way to express the deepest form of romantic love possible. To me, any unplanned pregnancy is an accident, including my own two children who were both surprises to me. When you take reasonable precautions against becoming pregnant and you get pregnant anyway (and I know people whose vasectomies have failed even), I would call that an accident. I don't expect that we'll agree on this ever, but I wanted to present another viewpoint anyway.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I suppose for some, the only purpose of sex is procreation, but for most, it's also an intimate way to express the deepest form of romantic love possible.

It's not so much whether procreation is the only purpose; it's undeniably a purpose and an obvious and reasonably expected consequence unless precautions are taken to negate that purpose. That's why your car analogy doesn't work -- it's hardly a purpose of car to hit other things or be hit by other things.

As for whether a pregnancy is an accident when reasonable contraceptive measures have been taken, that's a semantic thing that doesn't really get me worked up.

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I really disagree with your philosophy that there is no such thing as an accidental pregnancy. When a birth control method fails, it is an accident. It's kind of like saying that there is no such thing as a car accident because every time you get into a car, you could run into something or something could run into you. That doesn't mean that you intend for it to happen. If you don't intend for it to happen, it is an accident. I suppose for some, the only purpose of sex is procreation, but for most, it's also an intimate way to express the deepest form of romantic love possible. To me, any unplanned pregnancy is an accident, including my own two children who were both surprises to me. When you take reasonable precautions against becoming pregnant and you get pregnant anyway (and I know people whose vasectomies have failed even), I would call that an accident. I don't expect that we'll agree on this ever, but I wanted to present another viewpoint anyway.

And that is the glory of having an opinion, everyone is entitled to their own. No one is denying the intimacy involved in sex and expressing romantic love that way. I was stating the biological fact and my opinion. Do people have sex for purposes other than procreation? Obviously. Does that make a pregnancy any more or less of a surprise? Not really. That is why I can call it a surprise and not an accident.

All the precautions in the world can fail, and the couple can end up with a surprise, but it was most certainly not an accident. In looking at the actual definition of accident (here's one : any event that happens unexpectedly, without a deliberate plan or cause.) you can't say that the sex wasn't deliberate. Now was it an unforseen incident? (another definition) No. It's comes back down to the biology of it. They had sex. Sex can make babies.

It's truly great that we can have own opinions, and that you see flaws in my philosophy, however while I have heard your viewpoint from numerous people I'll stick with the biology of it all.

[Dionysus]

Why didn't you two just do anal? 0% chance. The only kids that can come out your ass are Cosby kids.

[dreamseeker]

Originally Posted by Dionysus

Why didn't you two just do anal? 0% chance. The only kids that can come out your ass are Cosby kids.

LOL!

[Kevin]

Also, I forgot to mention that some states will require that the father reimburse the mother for expenses related to the pregnancy and birth. This is all stuff you really need to sit down with a lawyer and talk about. You're in all likelihood about to be a party to a paternity case (once the kid is born), but it really helps to know your rights ahead of time, e.g., what happens when you acknowledge paternity, when and whether you can ask for a DNA test, etc.

ETA: And for the ladies who continue to lecture us about condom use.. For the love of Christ, we all know about that. People do make mistakes and they do have to live with the consequences. Glass houses, stones, etc... STFU.

[Xanthus]

1st off, fuck you troll buster. I'm not a fucking troll. You seem to think anyone with under 100 posts is a troll, when in reality you're the only dipshit on here trolling. I knew what I was getting myself into when I started this thread, but this is serious and I don't need you posting your stupid jokes. No one gives a shit about your stupid troll busting, you fake moderator stupid fuck. stfu or gtfo!

I know a lot of what I said doesn't make any sense, but right now this is all new to me. I know, I fucked up, but I have to put that behind me now, and move on. KSU Violet I already said "I brought this on myself", post your thoughts, but I don't need you to repeat it back to me. Pretty boy, to answer your question, I'm not ready to be a parent, (if you're not already) are you? If you and others were in my shoes, you would have doubts too. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I pretty much know it's my kid, but I also know people who thought the kid was theirs and it wasn't.

Kevin and the rest who have given good advice to me, thanks a lot for your support. I made an appointment with an attorney for Wednesday and I'm getting a physical this Monday. I'll keep you guys posted. Probably via pm because some of you aren't being very helpful at all. Kevin and 33girl thanks again.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Xanthus

I know a lot of what I said doesn't make any sense, but right now this is all new to me. I know, I fucked up, but I have to put that behind me now, and move on. KSU Violet I already said "I brought this on myself", post your thoughts, but I don't need you to repeat it back to me. Pretty boy, to answer your question, I'm not ready to be a parent, (if you're not already) are you? If you and others were in my shoes, you would have doubts too. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. I pretty much know it's my kid, but I also know people who thought the kid was theirs and it wasn't.

Kevin and the rest who have given good advice to me, thanks a lot for your support. I made an appointment with an attorney for Wednesday and I'm getting a physical this Monday. I'll keep you guys posted. Probably via pm because some of you aren't being very helpful at all. Kevin and 33girl thanks again.

Good luck! It sounds like you're on a good path with getting an attorney and a physical.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Good luck! It sounds like you're on a good path with getting an attorney and a physical.

Yes. Now he needs to leave GC out of the equation. He has posted enough about this.