sigh: my daughter was kicked out of her chapter

[33girl]

Originally Posted by agzg

While I lived in the house one of my sisters had her boyfriend over and he left a window open during the winter, and her roommate's fish froze to death.

This is LOLsome, but RIP to the fish.

Unless it was something REALLY over the top (like crawling into her bed when he was done w/ the OP's daughter), I still think roomie issues should be resolved between roomies, not in front of the whole sorority/standards board.

[agzg]

I would agree with that - but that's the mature adult solution of the problem. You gotta remember that it's about a 50/50 split, half the chapter goes about things in a mature way and half acts like whiny sniveling babies about EVERYTHING. The roommates with the fish worked everything out that year, then decided to live together off campus (never should have done that) but they still didn't bring any of their drama into chapter.

Meanwhile, someone looks at another member (who was on exec) cross eyed and lands herself right in front of the standards board.

And yes, RIP to the fish - she'd had him for three years. I can't remember his name but he was SUPER important to her, lol. She still keeps a fish in a bowl, actually. But now she has a cat and a dog to go with it. We ended up living down the street from one another in Pittsburgh (total fluke but it was AWESOME) and I took her cat and fish once while they were on vacation - I locked the fish in my bedroom because I knew I would not be able to face her if I had let the cat eat the fish, lol!

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Zillini

Please don't go blaming the room mate for being a tattle tale. She followed rules/policies, your daughter didn't. Plus I'll bet the room mate didn't appreciate having a guy in her room all night. After all it was HER room too.

Originally Posted by agzg

I tend to agree but in the roommate's defense, perhaps her boyfriend was being disruptive or rude, perhaps the daughter and her boyfriend were doing things that were certainly inappropriate to do with another person in the room, we don't really know. I could see that if the boyfriend was being a complete jackass to the roommate why she would tattle, it's her room, too, you know?

I liked the no-boys spending the night at the house rule as a collegiate and I like it now. First, it is a risk management liability. Sorority houses are not like dorms, we leave our bedroom doors unlocked, or maybe even cracked open while we sleep. We rightly trust our sisters not to steal from us or cause us harm. Some random guy you bring home from the bar might be a serial rapist/killer/thief.

Second, who is to draw the line to say when a guy is able to be trusted? Does he have to have the "boyfriend" title? Can he be a fuckbuddy who the girl has known since high school? There isn't really a clear place to draw the line on that, and it doesn't seem fair to allow some boys to spend the night and others not. Consistency.

Third, I really don't want my roommate getting it on while I am trying to sleep. Especially if we have bunkbeds. A lot of women might hesistate to say that it upsets them, because they don't want their roommates to be mad at them. It's a respect issue, and again an issue of consistency. If I am away for the night, and my roommate would have the room to her self, it doesn't seem fair to allow her to have a guy over and not others.

Fourth, if you need to hook up, you can do it at his place.

It all boils down to joining a group and agreeing to abide by the rules of the group. This rule is designed to protect members of the group, as well as be fair and promote respect.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Unless it was something REALLY over the top (like crawling into her bed when he was done w/ the OP's daughter), I still think roomie issues should be resolved between roomies, not in front of the whole sorority/standards board.

I wouldn't be surprised if the other roommate did try to resolve the issue, and it's quite likely that the OP's daughter kept on letting her boyfriend come over. I don't know how traditional sorority houses work in terms of desks and study areas, etc., but I studied primarily in my room. If I ever had a roommate whose sex life prevented me from studying or sleeping, you can bet that she would have heard from me about it. I probably wouldn't have gone to an RA or Standards.

We didn't have a no-shacking rule, but boyfriends really weren't over that much. Since most of the girls in my chapter either had boyfriends who were long distance or had their own places, it wasn't an issue.

[Elephant Walk]

I wasbabout to say, is it normal to kickout people for letting their boyfriend stay the night?

I've shacked at certain sorority houses multiple times.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

I wasbabout to say, is it normal to kickout people for letting their boyfriend stay the night?

There's something else that the OP isn't saying or doesn't know. Shacking probably isn't an ejectable offense, after the first time, without some other mitigating factors.

Perhaps her daughter was blowing rails in her room with the boyfriend, using coke that she bought with chapter money!

[BadCat25]

As I said, nobody pays any attention to our no guys in the rooms policy but I almost wish we did. I have to find somewhere else to sleep when my room mates BF stays over which is a bummer and a couple of weeks ago I went into the bathroom on Sunday morning and one of my sisters was in the shower with some guy. I thought that was a bit much.

[GammaPhi88]

BadCat25, I don't want to chastise, but I really don't think you should be airing stuff like your above post on the internet...if I were a member of your chapter, I would be pissed that that was online.

I have to agree with everyone who said that there was more to the story. Chances are that the OP's daughter was way more of a risk management issue than she let on. As risk manager for my own chapter, I know that it takes way more than one isolated shacking incident to terminate membership. I would wager that this is the tipping point of many ongoing issues in the chapter with the OP's daughter.

Maybe they found a bong in her underwear drawer and she didn't bother telling her mom that.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I liked the no-boys spending the night at the house rule as a collegiate and I like it now. First, it is a risk management liability. Sorority houses are not like dorms, we leave our bedroom doors unlocked, or maybe even cracked open while we sleep. We rightly trust our sisters not to steal from us or cause us harm. Some random guy you bring home from the bar might be a serial rapist/killer/thief.

Second, who is to draw the line to say when a guy is able to be trusted? Does he have to have the "boyfriend" title? Can he be a fuckbuddy who the girl has known since high school? There isn't really a clear place to draw the line on that, and it doesn't seem fair to allow some boys to spend the night and others not. Consistency.

Third, I really don't want my roommate getting it on while I am trying to sleep. Especially if we have bunkbeds. A lot of women might hesistate to say that it upsets them, because they don't want their roommates to be mad at them. It's a respect issue, and again an issue of consistency. If I am away for the night, and my roommate would have the room to her self, it doesn't seem fair to allow her to have a guy over and not others.

Fourth, if you need to hook up, you can do it at his place.

It all boils down to joining a group and agreeing to abide by the rules of the group. This rule is designed to protect members of the group, as well as be fair and promote respect.

AGREE, AGREE, AGREE, AGREE. Excellent points...all of them!

[srmom]

AGREE, AGREE, AGREE, AGREE. Excellent points...all of them!

DITTO!!

Third, I really don't want my roommate getting it on while I am trying to sleep. Especially if we have bunkbeds.

EWWWWE!

A lot of women might hesistate to say that it upsets them, because they don't want their roommates to be mad at them.

I must be a total prude! This is just so WOW! She could hate me forever, but NO WAY is that going to happen while I'm trying to sleep!!!

We used to walk down the hall in our towels, be less dressed than that in the shower room, etc. If I walked into the bathroom and some sister of mine was having sex in the shower - OMG!! I probably would have fallen over!

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by srmom

DITTO!!



I must be a total prude! This is just so WOW! She could hate me forever, but NO WAY is that going to happen while I'm trying to sleep!!!

Check this out:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/2009032...chasteroommate

[kiteflyersmom]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Check this out:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/2009032...chasteroommate

Sorry, I disagree that the no-shacking rule is wrong. The room belongs to both girls, and no girl signs on to share a room with a roomate AND her boyfriend or random hookups.

I do feel for this mom. Clearly, she is in the dark about what is really going on. However, you feel sad and awful when you're kid does something stupid and has to undergo a "learning experience." Intellectually, you know you have no control over it and your kid is going to learn a lesson. Emotionally, you want to sit down and cry and you quash any impulse to run to their rescue. Some of the early posters on this thread will learn this someday when they have kids of their own.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Check this out:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ucda/2009032...chasteroommate

Catholic University in Pennsylvania? No boys on girls' floors? OMG THAT COULD BE MY UNIVERSITY!!

My freshman year roommate snuck a guy in once. I just got up and left. Unfortunately everyone else was asleep, and the only girl I knew who had a spare bed in her room (her roommate withdrew) was out of town and her door was locked. I ended up sleeping in the lounge hehe.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by agzg

Catholic University in Pennsylvania? No boys on girls' floors? OMG THAT COULD BE MY UNIVERSITY!!

My freshman year roommate snuck a guy in once. I just got up and left. Unfortunately everyone else was asleep, and the only girl I knew who had a spare bed in her room (her roommate withdrew) was out of town and her door was locked. I ended up sleeping in the lounge hehe.

you're nicer than i would have been-THEY could have gone to the lounge and gotten it on, not me.

mom, I cannot believe that the sorority did not fully inform, by way of a lease aggreement sort of thing, what behavior is sanctioned and what is not, within the house. daughter should have gone to her boyfriends place, if her sorority membership meant that much to her. if she did not agree with the behavioral expectations, she should have gotten an apartment.