Ettiquette questions "is" or "was"

[SWTXBelle]

The proper form for NPC sororities would be "is". However, many women, Greek and non-Greek alike, so closely associate membership with being an active in college that they slip and say "was". At my alumnae panhellenic, some women say "I was a ZXY" - but we try to subtly correct them.

To further complicate things, it would be correct to say "She was a XYZ at the University of Hotness" because you would be referring to a specific period of time in the past - so I WAS a Gamma Phi Beta at Texas State University in the 80s. I AM a Gamma Phi who is now active with the Houston Alumnae Group and Katy Panhellenic. Katy Panhellenic has many members who WERE members at many different colleges and universities.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

The proper form for NPC sororities would be "is". However, many women, Greek and non-Greek alike, so closely associate membership with being an active in college that they slip and say "was". At my alumnae panhellenic, some women say "I was a ZXY" - but we try to subtly correct them.

To further complicate things, it would be correct to say "She was a XYZ at the University of Hotness" because you would be referring to a specific period of time in the past - so I WAS a Gamma Phi Beta at Texas State University in the 80s. I AM a Gamma Phi who is now active with the Houston Alumnae Group and Katy Panhellenic. Katy Panhellenic has many members who WERE members at many different colleges and universities.

Yep.

And I think some of us are hesitant to use present tense when speaking to non-greeks for fear it looks like we're trying to hang on to our college days a little too much.

If a higher percentage of NPCers were more active in alumnae groups or if we had active grad chapters of alumnae initiates, I think "is" would more consistently be used.

[KSUViolet06]

The proper term is *is*. So I always say "I am a Sigma."

Originally Posted by libramunoz

It depends on what you pledge to be honest. If you are with a BLGO, it's for life, but I don't think that it works that way with all sororities/fraternities.

I'm trying to be nice, but I can't take it. You need to not make assumptions like that and stay in your lane.

[PM_Mama00]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

That would work if it is talking about the university or the chapter. Not when you're talking about being a member of the organization.

Agreed here. I'm not going to say that I'm a Phi Mu from XYZ. That looks like I'm a 28 year old active sorority member. But if it's different context, I say "I am a Phi Mu".

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I'm trying to be nice, but I can't take it. You need to not make assumptions like that and stay in your lane.

Thank you!

[AGDee]

I say to people "I am still active with the sorority that I joined in college"

[tri deezy]

I usually just say "I'm an alumna member of Tri Delta." It includes that I'm a member currently, and it also includes that I'm an alumna. It's true that saying "I am a Tri Delta" would confuse non-Greeks. They'd probably be like, "didn't you graduate college already?"

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by tri deezy

I usually just say "I'm an alumna member of Tri Delta." It includes that I'm a member currently, and it also includes that I'm an alumna. It's true that saying "I am a Tri Delta" would confuse non-Greeks. They'd probably be like, "didn't you graduate college already?"

Exactly. I always say, "I am a Sigma Kappa alumna," for that reason.

[APhiAnna]

Originally Posted by tri deezy

I usually just say "I'm an alumna member of Tri Delta." It includes that I'm a member currently, and it also includes that I'm an alumna. It's true that saying "I am a Tri Delta" would confuse non-Greeks. They'd probably be like, "didn't you graduate college already?"

I agree that, in NPC at least, saying "I'm an alumna [member] of XYZ" is usually the best way to go. In our culture at least, saying "I'm a XYZ" sometimes raises eyebrows about being "too involved" (sad, but true to those not familiar with NPCs), but saying "I was an XYZ" is sort of disrespectful.

[breathesgelatin]

Originally Posted by SWTXBelle

To further complicate things, it would be correct to say "She was a XYZ at the University of Hotness" because you would be referring to a specific period of time in the past - so I WAS a Gamma Phi Beta at Texas State University in the 80s. I AM a Gamma Phi who is now active with the Houston Alumnae Group and Katy Panhellenic. Katy Panhellenic has many members who WERE members at many different colleges and universities.

Exactly, which explains the engagement announcements in the paper, because the most common formulation I have seen there is that "Miss Smith attended the University of Texas, where she graduated with a degree in microbiology and was a member of Pi Beta Phi sorority." Saves room in the announcement to do it that way.

I suppose you could argue that they're thinking of their membership as over by using that formulation instead of saying "Miss Smith is a member of Pi Phi," but I tend to think that people who think about their sorority enough after college to list in it their engagement and wedding announcements probably DO consider membership as a lifetime thing.

Originally Posted by UGAalum94

And I think some of us are hesitant to use present tense when speaking to non-greeks for fear it looks like we're trying to hang on to our college days a little too much.

That too.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

It's Sunday, so I have nothing better to do than read all the engagement announcements in my local paper. About 50% of them say "Suzy Smith is a graduate of Tech University where she WAS a member of XYZ sorority" and the other 50% say "Suzy Smith is a graduate of Tech University and she IS a member of XYZ sorority". Arent you a member for life so therefore "IS" would be proper? Your thoughts?

We've noticed that as well. I think people are right as to the reasons -- not wanting to look like you're still hanging on to college days too much, framing it in terms of being active in the chapter at college, it has become "the form" for wedding write-ups, etc.

I frankly can't remember how it was worded in our wedding write-up. I have seen similar wording in obituaries. ("He was a graduate of Tech University, where he was a member of XYZ Fraternity.") I was careful when I wrote my father's obituary: "He was a graduate of Tech University, where he was initiated into Kappa Sigma Fraternity."