Ending a friendship?

[Kevin]

Weigh the costs versus the benefits of having a confrontation and then decide.

Example: Costs: Things might spill over into other aspects of your life with these former friends demanding that other current friends take sides.

Benefits: You'll have the benefit of knowing you clearly communicated your feelings.

I don't think any of us know your situation... Just try to figure out what your goals are here and act accordingly.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by Kevin

Weigh the costs versus the benefits of having a confrontation and then decide.

Example: Costs: Things might spill over into other aspects of your life with these former friends demanding that other current friends take sides.

Benefits: You'll have the benefit of knowing you clearly communicated your feelings.

I don't think any of us know your situation... Just try to figure out what your goals are here and act accordingly.

Exactly - I would only add, though, that I would think long and hard about any confrontation. Most people in your friend's situation would probably call and text less as the distance grew more apparent.

It's a tough situation; I had a similar situation with my childhood best friend. Unfortunately, things ended up coming to a head when I made him best man for my wedding (he flaked out and ended up begging out of the position a month before the wedding). It's hard, though, when there's no one confrontation, but just a slow realization that you're not really friends anymore.

[AGDee]

I agree with KSigKid for the most part but I also want to add... just because you are not friends now doesn't mean you won't connect in 20 years and be excited to be in touch again. There were a few girls in my neighborhood growing up who I lost touch with after I graduated from high school. They found me through classmates.com and I had lunch with them this summer and it was really fun to get to know them all over again and reminisce. They didn't fit into my life at one time, but now I have fond memories of our childhood and I'm glad to be in touch with them again. Since we just drifted, it's ok. Had I confronted stuff back then, I'm sure they wouldn't have made the effort to find me.

[VandalSquirrel]

I'm the kind of person who does a cost benefit analysis, and then decides if the truth is worth it. However if I am thinking I'm not willing to tell them why I don't want to be friends, it is obvious it isn't worth it to me and I just let them go away. If someone has done something heinous I let them know, and to quote The Hills "forgive them and forget them." Forgiving someone doesn't mean they have to be in your life, and maybe cutting people off is harsh, but it really allows me to move on in a healthy manner.

[33girl]

It depends if you're just in different places in your lives and don't have a lot in common at the moment (ex. they are in Babyland and you aren't) or if they've become a truly toxic presence in your life.

If it's the first one, just tell a white lie - say you're really busy w/ work or whatever and you still value their friendship but you won't have as much time to hang out.

If it's the second, delete/block their phone number, email address and cut ties. If mutual friends ask what's up, just tell them it has nothing to do with them and as you don't want people taking sides you don't want to discuss it.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by 33girl

It depends if you're just in different places in your lives and don't have a lot in common at the moment (ex. they are in Babyland and you aren't) or if they've become a truly toxic presence in your life.

If it's the first one, just tell a white lie - say you're really busy w/ work or whatever and you still value their friendship but you won't have as much time to hang out.

If it's the second, delete/block their phone number, email address and cut ties. If mutual friends ask what's up, just tell them it has nothing to do with them and as you don't want people taking sides you don't want to discuss it.

While I'd note that there's a full range of options between the two 33girl noted, I think she's on to something.

For the most part, when you're an adult, I don't think any kind of formal friendship breakup is required. Friendships just kind of drift and change without having to have a big discussion, unless at KSigKid noted someone has really done something huge.

Decide how much you want to see them or how much would be worth it to you to not to have a big scene or to preserve the friendship on some level, decide under what conditions you enjoy seeing them the most and just see them then. (You're fully entitle to have other plans or be busy when they call or text.) If it's not some sort of character flaw or damaging behavior on someone's part, it's probably a stage of life thing that will resolve itself.