WAIT......We're in a recession????

Oh wow! Thank goodness we can rely on the government to make us aware of this situation. Good 'ole government....right on top of things as usual. I should probably start preparing....first I need to find a job since I lost mine last month, I'll sell some stock so I have money for the house payment..oh damn, the stock isn't worth anything. Shoot, how does the government expect me to prepare for a recession with no money and no job? I need a bailout...I'm calling my senator tomorrow asap!