pledges dropping at the end

[Elephant Walk]

Originally Posted by LaneSig

Maybe to your group, but not to KappaKitty's. All groups have their own rules. Personally, I think it's ridiculous to not let the pledges know when initiation will be held. We had several guides serving in the National Guard and many guys who worked. They needed to know when events were going to occur.

We give 'em a general idea that it would be good to clear their calendars on certain dates.

[AGDee]

It seems to me like it would be pretty hard for one of our chapters to withhold the Initiation date. The new members need to know when their final payment is due and when they have to have their white dresses. Additionally, their families are invited to the banquet following Initiation. There are usually nightly sisterhood activities and ceremonies the week of Initiation as well. It would be next to impossible to hide it.

All that aside, isn't this a high burnout time of the semester for all college students? They are working to get money for the holidays, all the papers are due and finals are looming. I remember it being a very stressful time. I can easily see someone who is feeling kind of overwhelmed by it all along with the pressures of pledging feeling like "I can't do it all anymore.. something has to give" and choosing the fraternity, especially if it feels like there is no end in sight AND if they are first semester freshman who might also be missing home, missing friends from home, etc. That first term was a huge adjustment in so many ways.. being away from home, the increased difficulty of course work, etc. I remember feeling totally overwhelmed every December and all I really wanted to do at that point was be home making Christmas cookies, shopping and decorating. In fact, one year, my two roommates and I were fed up at 1 am, went to Meijer's and bought garland, lights and cheap ornaments. We taped the garland into a Christmas tree shape on our apartment wall and decorated it. It was a great stress reliever and one of my best Alpha Gam memories too!

I agree that the big brother and President need to have a heart to heart with them and find out if that's the case. Also make sure that they're having some fun to blow off the stress!

[CrackerBarrel]

Our pledges have no idea when initiation is. As the end of the semester comes up you realize that it has to be before too long and start making sure your calendar stays pretty clear.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by LaneSig

Maybe to your group, but not to KappaKitty's. All groups have their own rules. Personally, I think it's ridiculous to not let the pledges know when initiation will be held. We had several guides serving in the National Guard and many guys who worked. They needed to know when events were going to occur.

No, in my opinion, it's pretty ridiculous to consider it hazing. Under the circumstances you described, it might be inconsiderate or even likely to result in people missing initiation. That =/= hazing, I don't think.

Originally Posted by epchick

from what I understand after talking to friends of mine in fraternities was that the pledges did NOT know when initiation was, but they were told what days they had to meet, so that they could get work off & such. So it was just blindsiding them, they knew what days pledge activities or whatnot would happen, just not what the activities were.

Exactly. Like I said earlier, the calendar we would have given our probationary members would have had something scheduled for the day and time of initiation, along with instructions on how to dress. It just wouldn't have said "initiation"; it would have said some other event. "Initiation" would have appeared a week or two later on the calendar (meaning everything on the calendar after the real initiation date/time was a decoy).

[fantASTic]

I can't believe no one has asked this, but...

Why do they want to drop?

If you don't know the answer to that, that is your first number one problem.

Edit: Ooops! It has been asked. Either way..not answered!

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by fantASTic

I can't believe no one has asked this, but...

Why do they want to drop?

If you don't know the answer to that, that is your first number one problem.

Originally Posted by rufio

why are your pledges intent on dropping out?

[KappaKittyCat]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

No, in my opinion, it's pretty ridiculous to consider it hazing.

I am not 100% certain that my organization considers concealing the date of initiation to be hazing. I also don't necessarily agree that it is hazing. I was just throwing it out there that lying to pledges about how long their pledge period is, making them afraid of things to come, and making initiation a moving target (especially if they don't even know when it "supposedly" is) could be considered hazing - psychological hazing, but hazing nonetheless.

My own little tangent aside, I am inclined to agree with the group here. To the OP, why do these pledges want to drop? You should be talking to them. If, after doing so, you learn that they might be less than dedicated to the organization as actives, I'd let them go.

[rufio]

everything is considered hazing. aside from just letting them in.

[zppsf1987]

wow, thanks for all the advice guys, no idea this board was so active (its my first time posting).

we did sit down and have a talk with them, two executive officers and the pledge educator and found out that academics was the most pressing thing making them want to drop. we adjusted schedules of all our events and what not to accommodate, and several brothers who are majoring in the same subjects sat down with them and helped them study/work, and it seems like everything will be fine. i think the fact that the end of pledging this year for us comes a lot closer to finals than any of us would have liked. we started late because our house was being renovated, and a lot of things got pushed back or cut. again, thanks so much for all the suggestions!

[thetalady]

What a nice outcome!! I sure hope it all works out well for the chapter in question and those new members. It is really nice to see a newbie come here, ask a thoughtful question, get such good advice and then do it!

[WaxOff]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

In my experience, it is not uncommon among fraternities, though I couldn't say how common it is either.

It was standard in my chapter that the schedule given to probationary members gave one date for initiation, but the brothers knew that initiation was actually a week or so earlier. There would be a different event noted on the calendar with instructions as to dress code. When the PMs got there, they learned that they were about to be initiated. Many of our chapters (non-NIC) still do this, and I've known of NIC chapters that do as well.

That's how it worked with us, Brother MysticCat. Our schedule would give a date about 2 weeks or so after the actual night. Surprised the hell out of me when I went through Ritual.

In my Pledge/Probationary Class, we had one Pledge/Probationary Brother have to depledge due to the "fit hitting the shan" in his personal life. He had worked his butt off upt o that point, so we had no qualms about extending him another bid the next semester.

[RU OX Alum]

Originally Posted by epchick

from what I understand after talking to friends of mine in fraternities was that the pledges did NOT know when initiation was, but they were told what days they had to meet, so that they could get work off & such. So it was just blindsiding them, they knew what days pledge activities or whatnot would happen, just not what the activities were.

Yeah, that is how it worked at my campus.

[zppsf1987]

Originally Posted by WaxOff

In my Pledge/Probationary Class, we had one Pledge/Probationary Brother have to depledge due to the "fit hitting the shan" in his personal life. He had worked his butt off upt o that point, so we had no qualms about extending him another bid the next semester.

just out of curiosity, how did that work? did he repeat all of the pledging process, even what he had done before? seems like it might be hard to convince someone to do that

[Buttonz]

I'm glad it worked out for your guys.

When I was pledging the local that I pledged before I pledged SDT, we were asked if we were able to get a certain day off for a sleepover three weeks in advance. I knew I couldn't, as it was my sister's 16th birthday and I was throwing her a surprise party, and I told them that. We (the pledges) were aware that most likely, we were going to be initiated that day. To me, it didn't matter, my sister was more important (family, school & work first). I was told that if I couldn't make it I had to drop. It hurt, but I dropped. It sucked that Monday after to see my ex-big show up in class wearing a sweatshirt that she admitted to me after I would have had a matching one if I stayed because it was supposed to be a big/lil gift.

In the end...I'm glad that I dropped even though I knew it was only another 3 weeks until I became a sister. After the hell they put us through...I'm shocked I stayed that long to be honest.

[Lyrical1908]

I guess I'm a different type. If you want to drop, drop. I would not be in the business of trying to convince someone that they wanted my organization. I would also have an issue with someone either not asking for help or support from either the bigs OR their pledge class brothers/sisters - that kind of seems to fly in the face of the brother/sisterhood the orgs promote. But I'm old, and it's a new day. I'm glad it worked out.