Death of a Pet

[VAgirl18]

Early this morning, our family dog passed away in my mom's arms. He was 14 and just like another family member. My mom hasn't stopped crying and my dad is pretty choked up too.

My dad wanted to go get another Pomeranian right away, but I told him that it was way too soon, especially when Scruffy had just died this morning. When my mom called this morning she asked me to never get a dog or a cat so that I don't have to go through this. I've been advised from others that getting another pet may be one of the only ways to fill the void. I think that my dad and I are going to get her a white, fluffy dog like she wanted a few years ago.

My questions are... is Christmas a long enough time to grieve? Should we even bring this dog in as a surprise or consult my mom who will probably initially say no, but be accepting later?

Thanks for all of your help in advance. My mom has been blaming herself for all of this and it was in no way her fault at all. It was just his time to go.

[KSUViolet06]

The grief process is different for everyone, so we can't really tell you if Christmas will be long enough for her. Losing a long time pet can be the same as losing a child or other human family member for some.

This is just me, but I would not bring in another dog without talking to her first. I would hate to surprise her with a dog that she isn't ready for and have her be upset (or feel like she's being pushed to "get over it").

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The grief process is different for everyone, so we can't really tell you if Christmas will be long enough for her. Losing a long time pet can be the same as losing a child or other human family member for some.

This is just me, but I would not bring in another dog without talking to her first. I would hate to surprise her with a dog that she isn't ready for and have her be upset (or feel like she's being pushed to "get over it").

Agreed that the decision should be a joint one.

My grandmother has had 2 dogs, both of which eventually passed away due to old age. Whenever I fly home with my dog she says she likes my dog and would like a smaller dog, but also says she will never get another one because the grief was just too much for her.

I really hope your mother is not blaming herself for the death of the dog... 14 years is a very long time and about the average for smaller breeds. The dog that passed away was probably just old

So sorry for your family's loss.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This is just me, but I would not bring in another dog without talking to her first. I would hate to surprise her with a dog that she isn't ready for and have her be upset (or feel like she's being pushed to "get over it").

VA girl, my sympathies to your family. I've been the one to hold the dog while she died, and it was not easy.

Add me to the list of those who agree with the above. (And add me to the list of those who really don't like the idea of dogs as "surprise" presents.) The person who will be responsible for the dog should be the one who decides when and what dog. (BTW, it took 2 1/2 years, although part of that had to do with the kids being ready for the responsibility.)

[darling1]

i am so sorry for your loss. i lost my cat 2 years ago and it still saddens me when i think about her.

i think this decision should be a joint one. everyone grieves differently. i think its wonderful that you want to do something around christmas. i would wait until after new years and if she starts to talk more about getting a new pet then maybe you can do something then.

good luck!

ps. shelter pets are the best .

Originally Posted by VAgirl18

Early this morning, our family dog passed away in my mom's arms. He was 14 and just like another family member. My mom hasn't stopped crying and my dad is pretty choked up too.

My dad wanted to go get another Pomeranian right away, but I told him that it was way too soon, especially when Scruffy had just died this morning. When my mom called this morning she asked me to never get a dog or a cat so that I don't have to go through this. I've been advised from others that getting another pet may be one of the only ways to fill the void. I think that my dad and I are going to get her a white, fluffy dog like she wanted a few years ago.

My questions are... is Christmas a long enough time to grieve? Should we even bring this dog in as a surprise or consult my mom who will probably initially say no, but be accepting later?

Thanks for all of your help in advance. My mom has been blaming herself for all of this and it was in no way her fault at all. It was just his time to go.

[RU OX Alum]

I'm sorry your dog died.

I think that other puppy/dog would make a great christmas present.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by VAgirl18

My questions are... is Christmas a long enough time to grieve? Should we even bring this dog in as a surprise or consult my mom who will probably initially say no, but be accepting later?

Like everyone says, everyone's grieving process is different. I lost my dog (a french poodle named Nugget) after having him for almost 13 years.

Nugget passed away Sept. 28, 2003 (i'll always remember that date) and it took me until January of 2006 before I could even THINK to have another dog.


I disagree with other though about consulting your mom. I think that when you lose a close pet like that you might think you are ready when you aren't & visa versa. When I got my chihuahua, he was a Christmas present. I definitely didn't want him, but he grew on me. The thing is you don't want to cut the grieving process short. I say you should wait until you see your mom is feeling better about the "dog issue."

[BuckeyeTriDelta]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[Jill1228]

I am sorry for your loss!
Definitely talk to your mom first.

[honeychile]

((((((((((((((((VAgirl18)))))))))))))))

Please accept my sincere sympathy; it truly is a member of your family who passed away. I pray that your mother finds peace and quits blaming herself.

I don't even want to admit how long it took me between pets! They truly are "furkids" to me. I don't know how your mother would react, but rather than possibly ruining Christmas, it might be nice to get in touch with a shelter or breeder, and have her see the dog as he or she is, rather than as a replacement. The pup might wrap her around his paw very quickly, or it might not. If they fall in love with each other, then make your move. Many shelters will let you "try on" a dog nowdays. I can recommend a great organization that rescues "fluffy white dogs", and there are a lot of puppies right now. PM me if you'd like to know more about it.

If you have a doggie daycare center in your area, you could also ask them to recommend breeders (if you want a specific breed), or shelters. Dogtopia in the DC Metro area is great for that.

Whatever you decide, good luck!

[em_adpi]

VA Girl,

I just went through this! My cat died about a month ago, but the story that really pertains to you would be about my dog.

Last year I got the call during RECRUITMENT (no less) that my dog had to be put to sleep. Molly had been a part of our family for nearly 15 years and we all knew her time was coming, but I thought I'd see her one more time.

My sister was the only one left at home and she'd been the closest to Molly, having only been a toddler when we got the dog. She was the one who suggested a few days later that we get another dog. Within a month, my parents had a new puppy in the house. While we loved Molly, I think Scout kinda helped my sister heal.

Pets are family and they can never be replaced in your heart... but it doesn't mean your heart doesn't have room to love another animal. In our case, both our new dogs (yes, my parents got Scout a friend by last Christmas) helped us heal from losing Molly and we saved them from two local shelters.

I guess I understand that it is important to have time to grieve, but new animals have lots of love to share to help 'fill the void'. For me, I was pretty upset about Molly and getting a new dog was a bit painful until I got to meet Scout. I still love and miss Molly, but having two(!) dogs has helped my family through the pain.

You and your family are in my prayers as you grieve for your dog. Good luck!

[Scandia]

I'm sorry to hear about your pet passing.

Two months may be enough for some people, but not for others. It depends on the individual.

[SydneyK]

It's always so hard to lose a pet. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I echo the advice that many have already given: your mom really should be involved in determining whether or not to get another dog.

Some friends of my parents went through a similar situation several years ago. When they lost their dog of 16 years, they both agreed that although they wanted another pet, they didn't want to feel like they were betraying Moses by getting another one so soon. They called their local service dog organization to see if they had any dogs that needed temporary homes. They discovered that that organization looks to citizens to help with service-dog-to-be puppy raising! So, they have been raising service puppies for the past several years, and couldn't be happier. The point of all that rambling: there are definitely ways to fill the void caused by a lost pet. Maybe your mom could look into some other possibilities before committing to the responsibilities (and emotional investment) of getting another dog.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

It's always so hard to lose a pet. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I echo the advice that many have already given: your mom really should be involved in determining whether or not to get another dog.

Some friends of my parents went through a similar situation several years ago. When they lost their dog of 16 years, they both agreed that although they wanted another pet, they didn't want to feel like they were betraying Moses by getting another one so soon. They called their local service dog organization to see if they had any dogs that needed temporary homes. They discovered that that organization looks to citizens to help with service-dog-to-be puppy raising! So, they have been raising service puppies for the past several years, and couldn't be happier. The point of all that rambling: there are definitely ways to fill the void caused by a lost pet. Maybe your mom could look into some other possibilities before committing to the responsibilities (and emotional investment) of getting another dog.

My mom and I have co-raised three puppies for Canine Companions for Independence. It's a great experience, though I have to warn that it is VERY hard to give them up after nearly two years...that is quite a sad day for everyone. But if you're as "lucky" as us, 66% of them will flunk out and then come to live with you (your choice)! That's how I got my sassy-pants golden retriever Kirin.

To the OP: I wouldn't spring a dog on your mom. As much as that is what your dad wants (though it sounds like he doesn't want to wait til xmas!), it may not be what your mom wants. I would just leave it be, and I bet one day she'll decide on her own that she wants another dog. And it may not be a Pom that she wants...she may decide she wants a pug, or a german shephard, or some other dog. It's best that you let her arrive at that point without being pushed.

My family is preparing ourselves for putting down our 16-year-old yellow lab, who is just as happy as ever but is obviously starting to experience some pain. My mom has decided that she is going to hold off on getting another dog for a while, as much as we are a dog-lovin family.

[nikki1920]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm all for a new friend! Especially one from a shelter. :0)