NotSoRetro's Deferred Recruitment at a Private School

[NotSoRetro]

ASTalumna06
Registered User
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Erie, PA
Posts: 473


Quote:
Originally Posted by NotSoRetro
I am not wanting at all to go back to Boston or Los Angeles and am thinking that if I am not invited back to the two I want, I may only go to one pref party tonight instead of two.

I'm confused. Why are you extremely against going back to Los Angeles? I thought you had good parties with them.

I have typed this out twice, and lost it thanks to my lack of computer skills, so here's hoping that this time sticks!

I can't really describe why I did not want to go back to Boston and Los Angeles. I think maybe my feelings were a bit of self-preservation, because I sort of felt that the charade was up at those two skit parties. I wasn't as wealthy, as beautiful, as social, whatever as these girls. If I made myself too good for them, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much if they released me. But, I don't think I ever really expected to be released by anyone. Maybe I did at the beginning of the week, but after coasting through the first two days, I was tremendously overconfident. I thought (mistakenly like many PNMs) that I got to make the decisions -- all of the decisions during recruitment. I didn't realize that although I would have a decision to make everyday, it would only be about those things that I could control.

After my PX read me my shockingly short list, I was stunned, hurt and embarassed all at the same time. I felt exactly the way you do when you fall in public... as much as I was shocked and hurting, I was too embarassed to think about that.

Why was I so embarassed?

I don't think I had necessarily bragged about my invites to my friends at school and at home, but I certainly wasn't humble. I felt like I was such a superstar, and this was a very public affirmation to me that I was no superstar. I couldn't imagine telling my best friend from home (who had a perfect rush at her school) that I went to pref at a house I had previously released.

I also thought going back to the Miami house would be really embarassing and humbling. I knew that if I went to pref there, there was definitely a chance I could get a bid there. What would it be like if my pledge sisters knew I released their house? Would they think I was a snob? Also, why had I been invited back there in the first place? I regretted with interest every other chapter throughout the week, and none of them had invited me back again. Did this mean that they were having a down year? Was my perception of their standing on campus incorrect?

I had so many questions and I knew my Rho Chi wouldn't be much help. She would tell me the normal, maximize your options, all chapters are strong, follow your heart stuff. I wanted to know the answers to these questions, but I didn't really have time. I had to make a decision.

So I decided to accept both invitations, because I knew that would maximize my chances for getting a bid. Although I liked Miami, I didn't really consider that I would accept a bid there, because of the humiliation factor. But, I had loved Atlanta all fall semester, loved the alumnae that I knew, and had a pretty solid rush experience there. I could go to both, pref Atlanta and more likely than not get Atlanta, because my pref card would run through the system more than once. The week wasn't a disaster, just today was.

[ZTA72]

I have a feeling this story ends with a twist.

[NotSoRetro]

So I head back to the dorms and then go with a bunch of friends to the supermarket to pick up some goodies for our lock-in at the student center (we had to wait there until all the sororities turned in their bid lists). While we were there, we ran into two Atlanta sophomores. It was obviously silence, so they just smiled and waived at first. But then one said to me, "Can't wait to see you tonight!" I thought that was a really good sign and it helped me stay positive too.

Back at the dorms, Tara (Lauren's unaffiliated roommate) had offered to help some of us with our hair and make up, which after yesterday's fashion fiasco, was a God-send. While she was curling my hair, she told me that she and Lauren had chatted about me going back to Miami. She was excited for me to give it another shot, and so was Lauren. Miami had done a lot for Lauren -- helped her find a place at our school. Tara also talked about how much fun she had with it all. I was trying to be sweet, so I listened and agreed, but I was still embarassed about going back (even if I did like the girls) and just couldn't see dealing with that embarassment I felt right now all through pledgeship, etc. You know, when you're 18, every momentary feeling seems as if it will never pass away!

I finish up with Tara and start getting dressed for pref. I had a really cool black silk dress with subtle sequins at the neckline. It was essentially two dresses, one layered over the other. The top dress was somewhat sheer and was a-line, with a defined waist. I loved it. I can remember shopping with my mom for my dress... we saw a beautiful winter white dress that I loved even more, but I felt like I couldn't wear it because Boston and Chicago wore white at preference. I had wanted to be a Boston before rush started, and so my mom said, if you pledge there, I will come back and get this for you for next year. I remembered this while getting ready, and it made me sad that I wouldn't need a white dress now. I wasn't entirely just sad that I wouldn't be a Boston or a Chicago, but also sad that this week wasn't really what I expected it to be right now.

Again, the emotions of an 18 year old run rampant!