Disappointed mom

[gee_ess]

One point that should be made regarding the OP is that parents, in general, want their children to achieve. And achievement is based on our definition of the word. We want our children to walk, talk in complete sentences at the earliest possible time, potty train with minimal problems, get good grades, make good friends(the right friends), choose a good major, marry a good person, etc. And all of those achievements can be very subjective - just what makes a good person? a good major? etc.

Anyone who has raised children will tell you that this is true - in varying degrees. What most parents come to realize eventually is that finding out what constitutes "good" for your child may differ from another child (even in your own family). Coming to terms with who your child is and what makes them thrive,succeed, satisfied happens to parents at different times.

It sounds to me like the OP has not really come to terms with who her daughter is and what actually makes her happy, but it may be happening now as the daughter insists that she is happy with her choice.

Add to that the Southern factor (and I know of what she speaks) and you can see how hard it has been for her to realize what is best for her daughter. Here is what she hears back home:

"What did Marybeth pledge at State?"
""XYZ. She is really happy with her choice."

can be equated with this,

"What is Marybeth up to now?"
"Marybeth flunked out of college and is working as a cleaning lady at the local dept store. But we are really happy she is happy."


Please don't bash. It is fact. I sympathize with her because I know she is dealing with lots of issues - and she needs to work on them for her daughter's sake. This is, no doubt, a good thing for her daughter and she should celebrate it not feel discouraged. I hope it can be a turning point for them both.

[Benzgirl]

Originally Posted by gee_ess

Please don't bash. It is fact. I sympathize with her because I know she is dealing with lots of issues - and she needs to work on them for her daughter's sake. This is, no doubt, a good thing for her daughter and she should celebrate it not feel discouraged. I hope it can be a turning point for them both.

One word....Therapy!

I expect that the daughter will become very successful in whatever she does, and will be happy. It's absolutely devistating to get cut from your favorites, but D has worked to overcome those obstacles. She will be the fighter in the family.

As for bottom tier vs. top tier. When I was in school, there was a chapter (XYZ) who was considered the very bottom tier of all sororities and had the fewest members. A few years after I graduated, they recolonized. Guess what? They are currently one of the top tier sororities at the school. FWIW...two of the girls from that chapter are now doctors; I know of at least one lawyer and two that have their PhDs and do research.

Mom, your D is now an Adult and you need to realize that what the daughter wants is not your choice. Give yourself credit for one thing...your daughter finds beauty in things that are not superficial. Many girls this age can't look at the big picture. I would be thrilled to have a daughter like your's.