Advice and status of my move in

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

And I could be wrong, but if there are troubles in the bedroom, (i.e. he says he is too stressed for sex or it's just not as great as it used to be and he makes excuses for it) that is a definite red flag.

Ditto

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

And I could be wrong, but if there are troubles in the bedroom, (i.e. he says he is too stressed for sex or it's just not as great as it used to be and he makes excuses for it) that is a definite red flag.

Agreed!

I’m not going to imply that all men crave sex all the time, but.. they almost kind of do. Or rather, they probably won’t pass up an opportunity for it if one presents itself... especially if it's coming from their girlfriend/fiance who they love dearly.

My boyfriend is incredibly busy... he is currently taking 16 credits, he is an assistant manager at a branch of Citizens Bank where he works 30 hours/week, and he is currently living and breathing Delta Chi, as he is the New Member Director and Treasurer for his chapter. Some nights, he won’t get any more than 4 hours of sleep, and some days, between work, school/homework, and the fraternity, he’s running around straight from 8am until 11pm, or later. I’ll admit, understandably, that he doesn’t initiate sex as often during the school year as he does over the summer, but if sex is propositioned, he very rarely (if ever) turns it down.

The more you talk about your situation, the more it sounds as if there are real problems between the two of you, and this girl is not the major issue. Because if you were completely happy and content with each other, these additional problems would not be coming up. This girl just hanging out with your boyfriend, or him talking to her outside by her car shouldn’t stir up all kinds of hatred toward her. But with other things becoming problematic, I can understand why that would happen. Most people would probably associate one thing with the other.

Counseling sounds like a very good idea. But get it soon. And I know you said that you were just mad when you typed it, but definitely don’t take revenge on him, whether that be through a study buddy of your own, or by any other method.

[Gretchen W]

I read all of the comments and thanks. I've decided not to go through with it because last weekend I talked to him about it, and he gets really defensive about it and then it turns into the same heated arguments we've been having about her. They haven't had any study sessions this week because they just took mid term exams, but I've seen e-mails from her to him. I didn't open them, because he would know I was reading his mail. We share passwords but we don't read each others mail. I never even looked in his inbox until she showed up. I never felt I had a reason to. I haven't told him that I want to call it off yet, but I'm going to. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I love him so much. He's the only guy I've ever felt this way about. It's going to be very hard to move on. I just wish he would understand my feelings sometimes. And even if he doesn't understand all of me, sometimes I wish he would listen to me. That's all I ask, is for him to listen. I think it's pretty shitty, and extremely disrespectful for a woman to get involved with a man who's already taken, or who is about to be taken and vise versa. If she knows he's involved with another woman, or is in the process of getting involved with a woman rather it be an engagement, friendship that's headed towards more, or just simply a serious relationship than she should mind her own business. Maybe I'm looking too far into this, but this has happened to me several times before. Whenever, I try to get involved with a guy I like, or when I do get involved with him, some bitch gets involved knowing about me. Those were crushes and short term relationships, but this is my future husband. This is bullshit and I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm calling it off.

Thanks for your advice.

[teena]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

I read all of the comments and thanks. I've decided not to go through with it because last weekend I talked to him about it, and he gets really defensive about it and then it turns into the same heated arguments we've been having about her. They haven't had any study sessions this week because they just took mid term exams, but I've seen e-mails from her to him. I didn't open them, because he would know I was reading his mail. We share passwords but we don't read each others mail. I never even looked in his inbox until she showed up. I never felt I had a reason to. I haven't told him that I want to call it off yet, but I'm going to. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I love him so much. He's the only guy I've ever felt this way about. It's going to be very hard to move on. I just wish he would understand my feelings sometimes. And even if he doesn't understand all of me, sometimes I wish he would listen to me. That's all I ask, is for him to listen. I think it's pretty shitty, and extremely disrespectful for a woman to get involved with a man who's already taken, or who is about to be taken and vise versa. If she knows he's involved with another woman, or is in the process of getting involved with a woman rather it be an engagement, friendship that's headed towards more, or just simply a serious relationship than she should mind her own business. Maybe I'm looking too far into this, but this has happened to me several times before. Whenever, I try to get involved with a guy I like, or when I do get involved with him, some bitch gets involved knowing about me. Those were crushes and short term relationships, but this is my future husband. This is bullshit and I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm calling it off.

Thanks for your advice.

I wish you luck

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

Maybe I'm looking too far into this, but this has happened to me several times before. Whenever, I try to get involved with a guy I like, or when I do get involved with him, some bitch gets involved knowing about me.

Have you ever sat back and done an evaluation of the type of guy you've been seeking out? I'm about to go all Dr. Phil on you but I've seen this happen with several of my friends where they are constantly getting cheated on by their significant other and can't understand why it keeps happening to them. Subconsciously, they (and you) might be seeking out guys who are like this because of your own hesitation to get emotionally involved with someone or because you're not ready for that long-term commitment. If it happens once, that sucks but if you're continually getting into relationships with men who wind up straying then I think you need to do some self-discovery and find out why you're going after this type of guy.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

Have you ever sat back and done an evaluation of the type of guy you've been seeking out? I'm about to go all Dr. Phil on you but I've seen this happen with several of my friends where they are constantly getting cheated on by their significant other and can't understand why it keeps happening to them. Subconsciously, they (and you) might be seeking out guys who are like this because of your own hesitation to get emotionally involved with someone or because you're not ready for that long-term commitment. If it happens once, that sucks but if you're continually getting into relationships with men who wind up straying then I think you need to do some self-discovery and find out why you're going after this type of guy.

Seconded. My best friend doesn't pick cheaters, she picks just straight up douchebags.

[KSUViolet06]

I commend you for taking action. If you two can't have a civil conversation about this issue, you defintely need to postpone marriage or call it off entirely. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Gretchen W

I read all of the comments and thanks. I've decided not to go through with it because last weekend I talked to him about it, and he gets really defensive about it and then it turns into the same heated arguments we've been having about her. They haven't had any study sessions this week because they just took mid term exams, but I've seen e-mails from her to him. I didn't open them, because he would know I was reading his mail. We share passwords but we don't read each others mail. I never even looked in his inbox until she showed up. I never felt I had a reason to. I haven't told him that I want to call it off yet, but I'm going to. This is going to be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I love him so much. He's the only guy I've ever felt this way about. It's going to be very hard to move on. I just wish he would understand my feelings sometimes. And even if he doesn't understand all of me, sometimes I wish he would listen to me. That's all I ask, is for him to listen. I think it's pretty shitty, and extremely disrespectful for a woman to get involved with a man who's already taken, or who is about to be taken and vise versa. If she knows he's involved with another woman, or is in the process of getting involved with a woman rather it be an engagement, friendship that's headed towards more, or just simply a serious relationship than she should mind her own business. Maybe I'm looking too far into this, but this has happened to me several times before. Whenever, I try to get involved with a guy I like, or when I do get involved with him, some bitch gets involved knowing about me. Those were crushes and short term relationships, but this is my future husband. This is bullshit and I don't want to deal with it anymore. I'm calling it off.

Thanks for your advice.

When it comes to that 3rd party mess, I would have called it off after the 1st conversation about it. You're good, because you gave him a few chances to get right. Me? She gets ONE chance. She messes up...I bounce. Make sure you communicate that to the next joker, if there is a next joker. I say that, because $5 you go back to that dude.



But good for you. If I were you I would cut that joker off completely, burn the bridge down and don't look back.

[Gretchen W]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

Have you ever sat back and done an evaluation of the type of guy you've been seeking out? I'm about to go all Dr. Phil on you but I've seen this happen with several of my friends where they are constantly getting cheated on by their significant other and can't understand why it keeps happening to them. Subconsciously, they (and you) might be seeking out guys who are like this because of your own hesitation to get emotionally involved with someone or because you're not ready for that long-term commitment. If it happens once, that sucks but if you're continually getting into relationships with men who wind up straying then I think you need to do some self-discovery and find out why you're going after this type of guy.

I agree up to a certain point. I am ready for a long term commitment, but I just can't find a guy who equally feels the same way. It's getting to the point where I don't trust myself when it comes to choosing the right guy.

[Gretchen W]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

When it comes to that 3rd party mess, I would have called it off after the 1st conversation about it. You're good, because you gave him a few chances to get right. Me? She gets ONE chance. She messes up...I bounce. Make sure you communicate that to the next joker, if there is a next joker. I say that, because $5 you go back to that dude.



But good for you. If I were you I would cut that joker off completely, burn the bridge down and don't look back.

Pretty boy, we went to go see the movie you recommended. Thanks. I really enjoyed it, but I don't think he saw it the way I did. He just kept complaining and joking about how bad the acting was. We did talk on the way home about our situation. I haven't told him I want to totally call it off yet, but what I did say is if he continues not to listen to me and ignore my feelings, then I'm going to call off our wedding and end our relationship.

After the movie, towards the end, I guess I never knew how he should have been treating me. A lot of it hit home. I always thought he was a good guy up to this point with the girl and all. He's never been like the guy at the end of the movie. I totally understood how his wife felt. All she wanted him to do was to listen to her. Thanks again for that, I would definitely recommend it to someone else. But yeah, either he starts caring about my feelings or I will leave him.