Loved Ones Agianst Sororities :(

[RareTreasure]

The same way I have time for community service, a boyfriend, and cheerleading. It just gets done. I am very organized, and my jobs all know that I have commitments and they work around my time. But I'm never late, I have never "called in" or any thing that will have a negative impact on there support. I am very dedicated to my commitments and they know that. But, 1 of my jobs will be over at the end of this semester. And my community service can also be done with my organization. Sometimes I dont know my self, but it all works out.

[ComradesTrue]

First, past tense of seek is sought.

Second, you may have been trying to give "his side" but the way you conveyed it was in defense of him. The reason that no one really cared about his side is that we all have much more life experience, so we have either experienced a boyfriend with similar reactions or know someone who has. He is not unique.

Even if he is not your first serious boyfriend, math is not in your favor. You have said that you are a senior in college and have been with him for 5 years. Therefore, if you had a serious boyfriend before that, we are stretching way back into high school.

It may be time for you to get to know yourself as a single person. If he is as great as you seem to think he is (he is not, BTW) he will understand and give you space.

Go read the thread about "What do you say to people when they ask why you aren't married." Post after post has women who say that they grew stronger through their 20s when they were not in a commited relationship. That is not to say there is anything wrong with a relationship, it is just that you don't that aspect of life.

Beyond that, it is evident that posters are growing weary with you because this thread is going nowhere. You pop on here, choose the posts to respond to, and yet have done nothing to change your life. You are in the exact same place as you were in post 1. People are getting more blunt because you don't seem to be internalizing anything... instead you just defend this guy who does NOT have your interests in mind.

Thus, come back and let us know when you actually do something and it sticks. Then we will be interested. Until then, let's move on.

[Spinderella]

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

So basically what you all are saying is that I'm weak now. I'm trying to give you all his side so you all wouldn't just be giving me advise hearing only one half. But I see if you all think I'm weak and so does he. He's not my 1st serious relationship, I'm not a figment of your imaginations. I'm not getting off on coming back here and talking about him and making excuses for him. I was letting you all know what he says to all of this so you all wouldn't just be judging from one side of the story. And thank all of you that understand.....and all that don't, well, thanks any way.

I guess I shouldnt have posted it any way...I just seeked other womens opinion thats all.

Based on this big letter block response, trust when I say that I know weak when I read it; your words not mine.

Don't waste the sorority's time. You are not ready.

[ASTalumna06]

This is the last time I will post on this thread, because to continue would be pointless. You obviously are not understanding, so analyze everything that YOU have said. Forget about everyone else. Skip over everything that everyone else has typed here, and read only what you've responded with. Better yet, just read your first post:

Originally Posted by RareTreasure

What do you recommend that a person does when the one person you have bonded with for 5 years says "If you join a sorority I cant be with you"?? I've asked this questions to many, and I will tell you what they have said, and what I already know how to answer them.

I know he is afraid of me dedicating my self for a lifetime to anything other than him, he has already lost someone else in the past to something he told them wasn't going to work out, tried it any way, then it didn't work out.
I tell him constantly it will work, but he just "Knows" that me joining a sorority will cause problems in our relationship. People say......."If he loves you, he will stick by you and hold you down," but as much as he is a dedicated, loyal person, the sorority is where he draws the line. He feels that if I do become a member of a sorority, I will not be the down to earth person I am because most people change. He feels that a sorority is not a necessity, its a want....so why cant I sacrifice a want for him. I don't see it that way.
What do I do? I have been researching the Sorority since I was a senior in High School, and not I am a senior in college.....I want to do it, but I cant loose the one person that's been there for me 100% of the time. I cant count on any one but him for anything...and I may loose that. Would I be being selfish it I did it? Would I be stupid because he is a very good person to me? I've tried to talk him out of it, but it never works. I've cried, and talked and he doesn't care about any of it. He just doesn't want me to do it and he feels that it shouldn't be a hard thing to sacrifice because I'm living fine without it now.

First of all, he tells you that if you're in a sorority, he can't be with you. "If you do this, then it's over" - Unless we're talking about something seriously wrong, like doing hard drugs or joining a cult, this is the definition of selfish... and of wanting control.

He's afraid of you dedicating yourself to anything other than him. That's sad, and a clear sign that he wants you all to himself. What happens if you have children? Is he going to want you all to himself then, too?

He "draws the line" at the sorority. Why? If he's generally supportive, as you say he is, what is truly the problem behind you joining the sorority? Is it the time? Is it the friends? Is it the joining something that will change your life for the better?

He doesn't want you to change. Most likely this means that he doesn't want you to become an independent person and leave him.

He asks why you can't sacrifice one of your wants for him. Well.. why can't he sacrifice a little of his "you time" so that you can be in the sorority? Either way, you're both sacrificing wants. And you'd be giving up a whole lot more than him. It's either he gets some of you, and you get the sorority... or he gets all of you and you get none of the sorority.

You've been researching sororities for 4 years. Hm... I wonder if you should try to join?

You say that you may lose the fact that you count on him for everything. GOOD! You shouldn't count on only one person for everything. It's not healthy. You need a good balance of relationships, friendships, and family.

You've talked, and cried, and he doesn't care. I don't even have to say anything about this.

He says that you should be able to make this sacrifice because you're fine without it now. But you're not fine without it. You're begging, and crying. That means you care.. a lot. And after 4 years of research, and 4 years of wanting this, you clearly can't just give it up.

Boys come and go, but friendships (especially with sisters) last a lifetime.

The end.

[ASTalumna06]

oh... and you have an angry face next to the title of the thread.

[violetpretty]

You are in an abusive relationship, even if it doesn't involve physical abuse. He's trying to control you.

1. Get out of the relationship. Regardless of whether you pursue sorority membership.
2. If joining a sorority is what you want, go for it.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

This is the last time I will post on this thread, because to continue would be pointless. . [lots of stuff] . .
The end.

It was already pointless.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

It was already pointless.

Good point

[StarFish106]

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by StarFish106

ahahahahaha!!!! lmao!