How soon after breaking up?

Bluetiful · #1 09-09-2008, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LightBulb

How long after a breakup do you wait before dating again?

I was in a serious relationship for years. I broke up with him a few months ago, and we still talk some (but not often). My ex is a good guy; we didn't break up due to cheating or anything like that, and we've stayed friends (though we don't talk very often).

I imagine that I'll start dating again before he does, but that made me wonder: What do you consider a respectful amount of time to wait before dating again after ending a serious relationship?

LB, from personal experience, the worst thing you can do to yoursel if you would like to start dating again is keep talking to your ex.

I was with my ex for 5 years. When I realized we had no future, I left, even though I still loved him. My head knew we had no future, but, well, my heart hoped things would change soon. We talked once in a while and remained friends. Big problem. That made it impossible for me to emotionally detach myself from him or even attempt to imagine meeting someone else. I took it a day at a time. But when I would have a great week, where I actually laughed and forgot how much I missed him, he'd call and I'd totally relapse emotionally - I'd get depressed all over again.

So one day I told him that if he ever loved me he needed to leave me completely alone. No texts, emails, calls - nothing. Told him when I was ready to be friends, I would contact him. So... fast forward 4 months later, I'm doing great and I'm actually happy. Its funny the things you see as you look back at who you were with your ex and who you are a measly 4 months later. I see now how wrong he was for me! I am dating and it's it's oh so much fun! I'm meeting all kinds of wonderful men who are just happy to be around me lol I'm having a great time b/c I have never really dated like this before. I got stuck in that 5 year relationship for most of my twenties and now I'm 30. I know I know, better late than never . . . . I'm still not ready to call my ex and be friends. Maybe one day I will. Maybe I won't. But he's the last thing I worry about now. It's all about me and ain't nobody who can tell me different

AOII_LB93 · #2 09-09-2008, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluetiful

LB, from personal experience, the worst thing you can do to yoursel if you would like to start dating again is keep talking to your ex.

I was with my ex for 5 years. When I realized we had no future, I left, even though I still loved him. My head knew we had no future, but, well, my heart hoped things would change soon. We talked once in a while and remained friends. Big problem. That made it impossible for me to emotionally detach myself from him or even attempt to imagine meeting someone else. I took it a day at a time. But when I would have a great week, where I actually laughed and forgot how much I missed him, he'd call and I'd totally relapse emotionally - I'd get depressed all over again.

So one day I told him that if he ever loved me he needed to leave me completely alone. No texts, emails, calls - nothing. Told him when I was ready to be friends, I would contact him. So... fast forward 4 months later, I'm doing great and I'm actually happy. Its funny the things you see as you look back at who you were with your ex and who you are a measly 4 months later. I see now how wrong he was for me! I am dating and it's it's oh so much fun! I'm meeting all kinds of wonderful men who are just happy to be around me lol I'm having a great time b/c I have never really dated like this before. I got stuck in that 5 year relationship for most of my twenties and now I'm 30. I know I know, better late than never . . . . I'm still not ready to call my ex and be friends. Maybe one day I will. Maybe I won't. But he's the last thing I worry about now. It's all about me and ain't nobody who can tell me different

Bravo to you Bluetiful!

Bluetiful · #3 09-09-2008, 09:38 PM

So . . . LB, to answer your original question of when you will be ready to date other people, everyone is different, true. But it will definately happen sooner when you stop talking to your ex.