Daughter Struggling with Decision - Page 2

LionTamer · #16 09-09-2008, 12:38 PM

It happens every year, and the sororities get used to losing girls to another sorority, and take it less personally than you might think. She now has two groups that like her, and that's nice for her. I'm only speaking for me and for my sorority, but we always looked fondly rather than bitterly on the "ones that got away" --- "hey, did you see Penny went ChiO? They're lucky, she was so funny."

MaggieXi · #17 09-09-2008, 12:52 PM

And just because she may end up in one sorority it does not mean she can't be friends with sisters in the other! Lots of greek women have friends in other sororities. In fact, two of my bridesmaids were from a sorority that I preffed by ranked 2nd on my bid sheet!

violetpretty · #18 09-09-2008, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lakemom

Thank you all for your advice and information. I don't think she understands that she could end up in the 2nd one anyway. She wanted to text those girls this morning and I hopefully stopped her in time. She keeps saying she hopes she made the right choice- sounds sad....

Wow. That would be bad. And she needs to understand she could still get a bid to her second choice.

baci · #19 09-09-2008, 01:03 PM

Please let us know what happens.

Despite any bumps in the road, it is all good!

baci · #20 09-09-2008, 01:24 PM

You are 100% correct in your thinking that it is not right.

(there are no dumb questions, if you do not know the answers)

33girl · #21 09-09-2008, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lakemom

IOn another note, a third sorority alum (still involved) from our hometown had a girl my daughter did NOT run with in High School call her yesterday morning (PREF Night morning) and ask her how serious she was about the third one so they wouldn't waste a bid. I am assuming that is not right?

This is about 5000 miles past not right, and in fact should be reported to the school's Panhellenic Council. Just because it is an alum doing it doesn't mean the sorority can get away with it.

Don't worry about asking questions, if you've never been involved in it and your daughter's school is competitive, you're doing fine.

BAMA2 · #22 09-09-2008, 01:43 PM

Lakemom- I had a local alum of a sorority call me during my daughter's rush to evidently "get a feel" for what my daughter was thinking and to find out what houses she was going back to. I politely gave her NO information. I told her my daughter liked them all and she changed her mind a lot during the process (true)!! I could not believe that she called me but I am shocked that an alum would call a PNM DURING RECRUITMENT!! Not only is that wrong it is about the rudest thing I have ever heard of. PNMs have enough to worry about without something like that being put on them!
My daughter went through a similar experience to your daughter. She went back to 3 houses for pref and really liked them all. However, one of the sororities really laid it on her and told her that they would all be crying if she wasn't at their house on bid day and that they would come find her and kidnap her ! I know that this was just an attempt to let her know how much they wanted her but it REALLY turned her off. Your daughter will be happy whereever she lands and all the "rush stuff" will be forgotten in a few days. I have been on the other side of rush and will there are disappointments there are no real hard feelings. If there are then it is the other girls who are being unreasonable!

KD4Me · #23 09-09-2008, 02:46 PM

Lakemom - In my chapter, the members never knew who was on on top and second bid list; only our membership chairman and advisor knew, and they were sworn to secrecy. If a girl ended up in another house, it could have been because either they or we didn't list the other high enough, so if your daughter does end up with her first choice, the other sorority wouldn't necessarily know that it was because she listed them second.

These things seem so dramatic at the time (not that they're not important), but generally everything works itself out fairly quickly.

Kitemom · #24 09-09-2008, 07:56 PM

In my dughters soroity maybe one person in the chapter knows until they walk through the door.

MerryGPhiB · #25 09-09-2008, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaggieXi

And just because she may end up in one sorority it does not mean she can't be friends with sisters in the other! Lots of greek women have friends in other sororities. In fact, two of my bridesmaids were from a sorority that I preffed by ranked 2nd on my bid sheet!

MaggieXi- I TOTALLY agree with you, having friends in different sororities is a great thing! I have very long term friends in many greek houses-- it is one of the many great parts of being greek!

Benzgirl · #26 09-09-2008, 08:51 PM

I'm a little late here, but did she get #1 or #2?

Elephant Walk · #27 09-09-2008, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BAMA2

Lakemom- I had a local alum of a sorority call me during my daughter's rush to evidently "get a feel" for what my daughter was thinking and to find out what houses she was going back to. I politely gave her NO information. I told her my daughter liked them all and she changed her mind a lot during the process (true)!! I could not believe that she called me but I am shocked that an alum would call a PNM DURING RECRUITMENT!! Not only is that wrong it is about the rudest thing I have ever heard of.

I'm not surprised...this is Bama rush.

SigKapSweetie · #28 09-09-2008, 09:58 PM

Tell her to relax. It's common for new members to wonder if they made the right choice and think about changing their minds. She needs to get to know her new sisters and have some fun!

As for her question, no, she can't switch places with anyone from the other chapter. She is bound to the chapter she received on her bid card for a calendar year. She can depledge, but then she will not be eligible to join any other NPC sorority for a full year.

Besides, I think this is probably transient 'cold feet'. Reassure her, keep reassuring her, and in a few weeks I predict she'll wonder how she could have ever wanted to change her mind!

proudmomma · #29 09-09-2008, 10:12 PM

The best thing you can do at this point is encourage your daughter to relax and take the time to get to know her new sisters. My daughter just went through a similar experience made even more stressful since her choices included the sorority I was a member of at the same school! She was so confused up to the last minute between my sorority and the one she ultimately chose to pledge. She too questioned her decision for a variety of reasons including what many perceived as inappropriate guidance from her rush advisor. She truly made her decision at the last second and it was totally opposite of what she had thought she was going to do when she went to prefs. Now... several weeks later she is finally sounding comfortable with her decision and sounds like she knows she has found a good fit for her. The whole rush experience can be so confusing for these girls in the end. Hopefully she will give herself time to relax and find that she truly did make the right decision. Good luck

KSUViolet06 · #30 09-09-2008, 10:30 PM

No, she cannot "switch places" with a girl in this other sorority.

She can depledge, but she'd have to wait a year to rush again.

My advice would be for her to relax and ignore those girls. Sometimes, girls in other chapters get a little worked up when girls they kind of wanted join a different chapter, but it all dies down. In a few weeks, they'll forget all about it.

In the meantime, I always tell girls that the sorority that you got a bid to is one that WANTS YOU and wants to get to know you. You accepted their bid, and you need to give them a fair shot. This other sorority didn't end up giving you a bid, so why give them this attention and be concerned about them? If they wanted you so much, you would have gotten a bid there.

This is a little harsh, but true.