Wedding/bridal shower/baby shower fatigue?

[SummerChild]

If she is into nature, an ecotour through Costa Rica might really be fun. I traveled to Costa Rica this time last year and it is the most green place that I've ever seen. Beautiful country.

Here I am playing devil's advocate again...
Ok, Darling1, I was reading your post and noting that you indicated that she may want to prepare herself for marriage if she wants to be married. Not that you said this, but I wanted to get your thoughts and other's thoughts about the following.

I posit that perhaps being married has nothing to do with getting one's self together or improving one's self. Maybe it's all about G-D's time for you. For example, how many people are a complete mess, yet still manage to find someone to marry. Look at Soror RD's friend. She's a proverbial mess (sorry RD, but it's true - I've got some friends who are messes too), stepping out on her man, and still wanting to get married. Perhaps a little more self-development was in order? Who knows. However, the fact remains, she's getting married. All of this to say, why do women sit around consoling each other talking about they have to work on themselves in order to get married. I think that it's good to improve ones self in general in life, but I think it's dangerous when self-improvement comes in the form of isolating one's self from the dating scene. Now, you didn't say this but I think alot of women think, I'll just focus on me for a year or so. Why does dating and self-improvement have to be mutually exclusive in some cases? Why does marriage and self-improvement have to be mutually exclusive in some cases?

Just some random thoughts,
SC

Originally Posted by darling1

Black Socialite, I can empathize with your friend. SC made some excellent points. Marriage is not the be and end all. It is just one aspect of your life. It sounds like your friend needs to GET A LIFE. What I mean is, perhaps this is a good time to self reflect. See what it is she truly wants. I nice conversation with God is in order. If she truly desires to be married, then it take preparation. She needs to get herself right and ready to receive her mate. If she is just feeling unfiulfilled then maybe a career change or a change of scenery might help. pick up a new hobby, travel-stepping outside of the comfort zone might kick her spirits up a notch.

Black Socialite, you come off as someone who is on the go. Maybe you ladies can go sky diving, do an ecotour in Costa Rica, or take dance lessons.

I hope my suggestions help.

[darling1]

let me answer a question you had toward the bottom, first. i feel that women tell each other to work on themselves because inherently we dont like to see our friends sad. we want them to be happy. we tend to see the flaws in others before we see them in ourselves. i think when women say, "work on yourself first." it is with that aspect in mind.

i realized after reading your post that i should have expounded on what i wanted to say. i did say that you must prepare to be married. you must be in a position to receive the mate that God wants you to have. that is generally true. you can be miss club diva out all night and expect to meet your mate. not can you be miss hotbutt nor miss spend-now-think-about-it-later-while-im livin-in-my-mommas-house. generally there are certain habits and behaviors that should be curtailed so you can be better prepared to share your life with someone else 24/7/365.

but it goes beyond that. marriage is just one step in the plan. ideally you should prepare yourself not only to receive your mate but to live your life with that person AFTER the honeymoon is over. this is where many of us get tripped up. i saw madeas family reunion a few night back. i remember at the wedding scene where they were exchanging vows; lisa--i think that's her name said "when i look at you i see i reflection of god's love for me". i thought that was a powerful statement. that has me thinking even more that God just wants us to have a relationship with him. HE wants us to be a reflection of all of his love for us. the act of marriage--the covenant, the work it takes to sustain it, the good, the bad, the intimacy, creating life, bringing life into this world, going to Glory, all of these are part of the walk. with all of it, you must be prepared. now some of us may be better prepared than others. some of us look at other folks and wonder how they managed to have a marriage and some dont. we simply dont know. we may never know because we arent God.

Yes, marriage does happen in God's time. Heck, every decision we make is suppose to be when he wants it to happen. that doesnt mean that you simply sit and wait for him. you continue to live, make positive self changes that will only make you stronger and healthier AND more intuned to the God in us. at some point He will reveal the plan. if marriage is in it, then with all of the work that you've done, you will be in a better position to receive that gift.

i hope i make sense. got distracted by the chirrens...lol

Originally Posted by SummerChild

If she is into nature, an ecotour through Costa Rica might really be fun. I traveled to Costa Rica this time last year and it is the most green place that I've ever seen. Beautiful country.

Here I am playing devil's advocate again...
Ok, Darling1, I was reading your post and noting that you indicated that she may want to prepare herself for marriage if she wants to be married. Not that you said this, but I wanted to get your thoughts and other's thoughts about the following.

I posit that perhaps being married has nothing to do with getting one's self together or improving one's self. Maybe it's all about G-D's time for you. For example, how many people are a complete mess, yet still manage to find someone to marry. Look at Soror RD's friend. She's a proverbial mess (sorry RD, but it's true - I've got some friends who are messes too), stepping out on her man, and still wanting to get married. Perhaps a little more self-development was in order? Who knows. However, the fact remains, she's getting married. All of this to say, why do women sit around consoling each other talking about they have to work on themselves in order to get married. I think that it's good to improve ones self in general in life, but I think it's dangerous when self-improvement comes in the form of isolating one's self from the dating scene. Now, you didn't say this but I think alot of women think, I'll just focus on me for a year or so. Why does dating and self-improvement have to be mutually exclusive in some cases? Why does marriage and self-improvement have to be mutually exclusive in some cases?

Just some random thoughts,
SC