How soon after breaking up?

LightBulb · #1 08-14-2008, 11:15 PM

How long after a breakup do you wait before dating again?

I was in a serious relationship for years. I broke up with him a few months ago, and we still talk some (but not often). My ex is a good guy; we didn't break up due to cheating or anything like that, and we've stayed friends (though we don't talk very often).

I imagine that I'll start dating again before he does, but that made me wonder: What do you consider a respectful amount of time to wait before dating again after ending a serious relationship?

Kevin · #2 08-15-2008, 01:03 AM

It doesn't matter.

Today would probably be fine.

cheerfulgreek · #3 08-15-2008, 01:22 AM

I think it just depends on you. I don't think there is a time limit.

AlwaysSAI · #4 08-15-2008, 01:22 AM

My last serious relationship ended two years ago. And, it ended badly. I've dated a few guys here and there but haven't had anything serious. There was one guy I was seeing for like 3 weeks, but I have yet to call anyone my boyfriend since my ex.

Whenever you think you are ready, really.

FlaGirl07 · #5 08-15-2008, 01:26 AM

i dated a guy for two years. we broke up and i had a new boyfriend a week later. we've been together over 5 years now. basically, if you find someone you like, don't let your past hold you back.

LucyKKG · #6 08-15-2008, 02:06 AM

I was thinking about this today, actually. I think it really depends on you and your emotions in regards to relationships in general. I'm not going to be ready for another relationship for a WHILE, but my ex and I broke up pretty recently. Again, it varies.

piphiangel314 · #7 08-15-2008, 03:43 AM

I think it really depends on when you're ready.

My high school boyfriend and I broke up from a 4 year off and on relationship. We broke up in December in a really rocky break up. He always treated me like crap, but I never realized it until our break up. So we currently aren't speaking and haven't since December.

In April, I was back in a relationship. A lot of people thought that was too soon, especially after being together for 4 years. Personally, I thought I was ready. And quite frankly, I'm the happiest I've been in a relationship.

Sorry for the lengthy explanation. :P

PrettyBoy · #8 08-15-2008, 04:50 AM

I waited 4 years, but that's just me.

Munchkin03 · #9 08-15-2008, 08:08 AM

It depends on you and your individual relationship habits. I know that for me, I broke up with my ex of 5 years and was with someone else very soon after (like a matter of days). When that ended after 2 years--on my accord--I realized that I hadn't been single since I was 19, and I didn't realize how much I liked it! I basically took six months to spend time by MYSELF. Now, I'm starting to whittle it down and date more seriously.

It also depends on what you want out of your relationships and life.

33girl · #10 08-15-2008, 10:00 AM

LB: Do you mean dating, or having a new relationship? Two different things.

KSig RC · #11 08-15-2008, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

LB: Do you mean dating, or having a new relationship? Two different things.

Yeah, exactly.

Do whatever you want - I don't even know what "respectful" means in this scenario. If you're still friends with the old guy, it's actually a pretty good litmus test of future friendship - if you can be open and honest with him in this area, you're good to go. If not, then at least you found out now.

If you're still even a little hung up on the past relationship (regardless of whether you ended it or he did), then you should probably date casually or sex up a bunch of randoms at the bar. Like Dan Savage famously said, every ml of someone else's saliva is worth one week of getting over a relationship. Until you're there, a serious relationship isn't all that fair, to you or to the other person. However, if you're good to go, then you're good to go.

AOII_LB93 · #12 08-15-2008, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

LB: Do you mean dating, or having a new relationship? Two different things.

I completely agree. Long ago, before I was with my husband I was with a guy for two years, broke it off and within a matter of days was dating someone new. I think it was because I had mentally broken up with the ex long before I actually did it. I think a lot of women who do the breaking up do that...I don't know many women who break up on a whim, unless the guy was caught doing something he shouldn't have been.

If you feel ready to date again, by all means.

Fleur de Lis · #13 08-15-2008, 12:16 PM

It's been a few months and you are asking the question, so my guess is you're ready to start dating again. Don't worry about being disrespectful - you didn't start dating someone else before you broke up or anything. I kept talking to my ex for about a year after we broke up. It took me seeing someone else for us to finally break off all emotional ties.

LttleMsPrEp · #14 08-15-2008, 12:33 PM

I agree with all the posts on this thread, I think that as long as you're mentally broken up from your ex it's okay to date anytime.

I was in a serious relationship for about 2 years and then we broke up to "experiment" but 2 years later he and I remained really good friends but we never mentally broke up from each other so it made it practically impossible to date anyone else. Finally i mentally broke up with him and I'm able to date without feeling guilty.

I say go for it, as long as you're over him and ready to move on

LightBulb · #15 08-15-2008, 06:13 PM

Wow, I really appreciate all the perspectives y'all threw out there. Thanks so much for your honesty.

And in response to your question of dating vs. relationship, I don't really know yet. I haven't been on any dates yet. I would probably just start dating first, but it may lead to a relationship at some point. Then again, it might be fun to stay single for a little while. We'll see.