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I think this definition:
developing a close personal relationship with a person other than your spouse in which you share the daily aspects of your life including joys and problems with some one other than your spouse
Describes every close female friendship I've ever had and the relationship I had with my mother as well. I don't like that definition. To me, that's just a friendship and not an emotional affair. An emotional affair would have to have some feelings attached, feelings more similar to "love". Sorry, but the ladies I eat lunch with at work every day are people with whom I share life's joys and sorrows, but they are not emotional affairs. There is the romantic interest portion that's missing from that definition... the giddiness that you are going to see and spend time with that person, the little flip flop in your gut when you see them across a room, etc.
As for which is most damaging, I'd say the one in which you get caught...
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