Single ladies, how do you respond to "why aren't you married yet?"

[aephi alum]

I have to disagree with those of you who are saying there's a "right age" to get married... whether it's 23, 25, 30, etc. If and when you meet a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, grow old with, maybe raise children with... that's the right time.

[ADqtPiMel]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

I have to disagree with those of you who are saying there's a "right age" to get married... whether it's 23, 25, 30, etc. If and when you meet a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, grow old with, maybe raise children with... that's the right time.

Yeah. I got married at 23. We are very happy and I don't feel like I've ever had to compromise the freedom of my 20s...sometimes we go out together, and sometimes we go out with our individual friends. We travel widely (both together and separately - he's heading to Hong Kong this fall for a legal competition). We've both advanced quickly in our separate and time-consuming careers (journalism for me, law for him). We both have hobbies that the other supports but isn't involved in (triathlons and running for me, photography for him). I'm not sure why y'all seem to feel that you have to be single to do these things. Maybe I'm just lucky I didn't marry a control freak?

I never get the "When are you having kids?" question in DC, but I get it all the time from my dad's family. My dad has 9 brothers and sisters, and all of them except for him still live in the same rural Indiana town they grew up in. Most of them are farmers and married young and started having kids right away to ensure they would have enough farmhands. I am the oldest of 42 grandkids and the first (by one month) to get married, so of course they expected me to be the first to have kids and they were mostly incredulous when I said we were waiting until our 30s. It's just a difference in regional social norms.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

I have to disagree with those of you who are saying there's a "right age" to get married... whether it's 23, 25, 30, etc. If and when you meet a person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, grow old with, maybe raise children with... that's the right time.

Maybe I'm not reading this thread correctly, but most of the people who mentioned a "right age" to get married were speaking more of a "right age" to get married for THEM, and not for the other 6.1 billion inhabitants of this planet. I don't see anyone criticizing people who marry early.


I know I'm shocked by the number of people in my HS class who married before 21 and are now divorced. I look at the MySpace pages of my classmates who are in that situation, and they're doing the same stupid stuff at 27 that I did in college and just after--they didn't have that experience when they were younger and it seems to have had a MAJOR impact on their adult lives than it did for me. Did these people get married too early? It's not for me to say. Did they get married before getting certain things out of their system? It appears that way, certainly.

A lot of the posters here who married right out of college or soon after got "those things" out of their system. Even something as simple as joining the Greek system, studying abroad, or just not going straight from Daddy's house to your husband's house can give you a ton of freedom and perspective. Again, the mid-20s divorcees I know did not have those experiences. Coincidence? I think not.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I know I'm shocked by the number of people in my HS class who married before 21 and are now divorced. I look at the MySpace pages of my classmates who are in that situation, and they're doing the same stupid stuff at 27 that I did in college and just after--they didn't have that experience when they were younger and it seems to have had a MAJOR impact on their adult lives than it did for me.

Oh my goodness, the mid 20's divorcees. I LOLed at this because I totally can relate. Quite a few girls from my HS got married before 21 and are now divorced and I agree that it "stunted" them a little bit in the life experiences department.

A girl I know married a Marine at age 20, moved to NC, and decided on being a stay at home mom after they had a little girl. So she didn't go to college. Last year she got a divorce. Her MySpace contains an album entitled "I <3 Jagerbombs and kissing random boys" next to an album of "I love my little girl." I'm pretty sure I had Jagerbombs and randoms out of my system about halfway through college, but she missed out on the part of life where that sort of thing is expected.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by DivineDiva47

LOLOL...Yall are a mess how's 23 old?

We're not, but the nosy family members think we are--that's the joke.

I've decided I'm not looking for anyone to date. If a man falls into my lap, then great, but I think I'd prefer not to date at all until I graduate and move. School takes up too much of my time to go looking for "The One." Besides, I've decided that God hasn't given him to me because he's not ready yet. God knows I deserve more than half-baked! I want him to be done with all his foolishness and ready for a life with me before I meet him. I can wait.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

We're not, but the nosy family members think we are--that's the joke.

I've decided I'm not looking for anyone to date and I'd . If a man falls into my lap, then great, but I think I'd prefer not to date at all until I graduate and move. School takes up too much of my time to go looking for "The One." Besides, I've decided that God hasn't given him to me because he's not ready yet. God knows I deserve more than half-baked! I want him to be done with all his foolishness and ready for a life with me before I meet him. I can wait.

It might just be that you're not ready yet. You have professional (i.e. school and career) and personal things to iron out.

Sure, the man might be getting ready for you, but he might be fully ready and God is having him wait while you get ready. Or you're both not ready.

You won't know until you know. Your post is very mature and patient, though.