I need advice about the boyfriend... (this is long)

[aephi alum]

What I'm about to say may come across as harsh, but I don't pull my punches.

Dump him.

Think about it. He wasn't willing to take time off work to attend a family wedding with you, but he'll take half-days and fly off wherever for concerts. Your parents haven't even met him after two years? I met DH's parents after we'd been dating for less than a month. He's playing with you like a cat plays with a mouse before killing it. What happens when you're engaged and he wants a wedding in his hometown and you want it in yours? What happens when you're married and he wants a baby and you don't? Think big picture here. If you were married or even engaged, I'd say "get thee to therapy", but you and he are not committed for the long term - so: Walk away now.

[ausguals]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

What I'm about to say may come across as harsh, but I don't pull my punches.

Dump him.

Think about it. He wasn't willing to take time off work to attend a family wedding with you, but he'll take half-days and fly off wherever for concerts. Your parents haven't even met him after two years? I met DH's parents after we'd been dating for less than a month. He's playing with you like a cat plays with a mouse before killing it. What happens when you're engaged and he wants a wedding in his hometown and you want it in yours? What happens when you're married and he wants a baby and you don't? Think big picture here. If you were married or even engaged, I'd say "get thee to therapy", but you and he are not committed for the long term - so: Walk away now.

i don't think its harsh! I think it is your opinion on it and I respect it and am grateful that you were willing to help out. I don't know if I didn't clarify but we have BOTH met eachothers parents--we were "casually dating" (i wasn't really into the whole boyfriend thing in high school) about a year before we actually got together---I met his mom before we even got together and we met eachothers familys about a month after we were "official". The part of my family that i found it important for him to meet was my extended family--its my cousins wedding.

[PrettyBoy]

I'm not sure if the OP set her limits early on, but it's important to set limits and make them clear to him. I know you said you've been with him for two years, but if you're someone who allows yourself to be treated in a certain way in the beginning of a relationship, then you're allowing the problem to get a foothold in the relationship, and all it's going to do is grow. From what I'm reading, he seems to be kind of selfish, and he seems to be putting himself before you. You definitely don't want these dynamics present in the relationship at all. You need to let him know what's up. I wouldn't cut the joker aloose, but at the same time I wouldn't overlook his behavior either. Overlooking certain negative character patterns long-term can lead to a real problem. I didn't think long distance relationships worked at one time, but now I'm doing the long distance thing myself. I find that it helps to just be upfront, very clear and specific about whatever the problem is. It just boils down to good, satisfying communication in order to resolve an issue between two people.

Good luck. I hope you two can communicate with each other and get through it.

ETA: I also read what you e-mailed him, and his reaction. He was drunk and being disrespectful to you huh? o.k.

You will get what you tolerate.

[kddani]

Don't make excuses for him. "keep in mind he was drunk". Drunk or sober, your relationship isn't going the way you want it to, he's not making you happy, and he's not doing his part. Get out. The longer you make excuses for him the more you make yourself look like an ass for putting up with him and his selfish behavior. Long distance relationships take sacrifice and work on BOTH parties if they are to succeed. It can't be a one-way effort.

Granted, an email certainly wasn't the best way to handle this talk, but then again you're along distance relationship.

From this limited amount of information, it certainly seems that you're way more into him than he is into you. Dump his ass, get in a place where you're happy with your life and yourself, and you'll find someone else.

[ausguals]

Originally Posted by kddani

Long distance relationships take sacrifice and work on BOTH parties if they are to succeed. It can't be a one-way effort.

I realize I am making excuses for him, I really do. It's just hard to put myself in a position to break up with him because this is the ONLY problem we have (Granted, its a huge problem.). It really didn't used to be like this up until a few months ago (April-ish). He's coming home this weekend so I think we're going to talk about it. He's been relatively nice since when I last sat down and had a talk with him, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything at all and is probably just temporary. Basically, I'm going to tell him straight up how I feel and I'll see where that goes. Face to face. Which is probably going to be a whole lot harder, but its probably what we (or I) need.