Honestly, I may joke about being lonely, but hadn't thought about this seriously until recently. A girl I knew in college just "came out" with her relationship with the guy I had liked for all 4 years. We were even supposed to go on a date, but he cancelled (for a good reason). Long story short, they've been together for months and she just started flooding facebook with all their pics, thus bringing back all the feelings I thought I'd gotten past. So I guess I don't really just want
somebody, I'm lonely because I want him. I really thought something was going to come of our date because he was so excited, but he turned to her in the end. It's like a sappy chick flick, but from the loser's POV.
Anywho, I've finally stopped torturing myself looking at her pictures and am trying to just forget it. I don't want to miss my blessing because I'm looking backward and envy is not something I want attached to me. And I truly don't need anything serious right now, that stack of books is my man for the time being. I'm just sick of losing out to "the other girl." It happened over and over in college and high school and here at grad school it's happened FOUR TIMES in my first year. I'm tired of a guy showing interest and then choosing my friend in the end. I'm not lonely and depressed, I just feeling constantly rejected. I know this is God's way of telling me I need to focus on Him and leave guys alone until I get it together, but it's still hurtful watching every crush and even though ones I thought I might love fall for someone else. Not
trying to question how God works, but
what's the point of having someone compliment me, put his arm around me and THEN ask my friend on the date? I try not to think about it and focus on how good my life is, but I need to try harder because this sucks.
Hybrid Mode
