Question on Rushing in my 30s (Fraternity)

[LadyLonghorn]

Thank you for your service to our country. I'm sorry it didn't allow for you to have a traditional college experience.

But I have to say, that from a sorority girl's perspective, the only thing that comes to my mind when I think about a guy who is 34 hanging out with a pledge class of guys half his age is this:

[Kato]

Originally Posted by EE-BO

I am neither a wife nor a mother, but I agree srmom and thanks for stating it so well.

Kato, as others have said- coming later than usual to fraternity life is far more acceptable for servicemen than it would be for most people. So from that standpoint while you might encounter roadblocks at certain chapters, you should still have choices.

The question I think for you is how this would fit into your overall life plan. A chapter does not have to engage in illegal hazing activities to make pledgeship a very demanding time committment.
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Totally reasonable concern, and one that I have as well. Which is why questions about just what would be expected of me would be formost amongst any asked of a prospective chapter.

There is definately a line at which I'd have to agree "too much time would be too much time". What that is precisely, I am not sure. It would probably have to mean that a Greek experience provided less time for me to spend with my family than I had in the Army. My wife and I are used to me leaving for work at 5:30 AM and returning at 6-7 PM 5 days a week. We're used to me having to go "into the field" for training on a Thursday afternoon and returning at midnight that Sunday. Leaving for a month at a time to training center around the country. Etc etc.

I'm not overly concerned about the time committment. Staying over for a night a week or something similar would be par for the course in our normal experience. I completely understand the rationality in the comments about time investments, however, and absolutely for someone used to normal routines and with spouses that have more conventional expectations on what is "normal", it would probably be too much.

Originally Posted by Kedzman

Kato,

Time for me to finally jump in... I'd strongly encourage you to look into the Sigma Nu chapter at UW. Sigma Nu was founded at Virginia Military Institute as a protest movement to hazing in 1866 just after the Civil War by three combat veterans. Like you, they were non-traditional students seeking a degree - in their case, engineering, so they could help rebuild the South which had been devastated by the war. As combat veterans, they had little interest in hazing which they considered kid stuff.
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Thanks very much for this information. I will absolutely get in touch with Sigma Nu to introduce myself and ask a few questions.

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

Thank you for your service to our country. I'm sorry it didn't allow for you to have a traditional college experience.

But I have to say, that from a sorority girl's perspective, the only thing that comes to my mind when I think about a guy who is 34 hanging out with a pledge class of guys half his age is this:

Well... I can't really help that. Everyone has labels attached to them that aren't accurate or true. I've had worse than "lecher" just serving my country. I would gladly take the Dazed&Confused example over "uneducated simpleton", "man whore" or very occasionally "murderer" which I had to unfairly wear over the past few years simply due to my occupation.

Besides, if some sorority girl takes the time to label me, she's obviously paying a little too much attention to a married man. And probably got shot down.

[Kato]

To prevent any misunderstandings with local sororities, I will be fully prepared to come to school every day with a special flag. This flag would hopefully be disarming and reassuring to everyone that sees it.



Nobody feels the least bit put off right? See how well it works???!!!

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

I'm sorry it didn't allow for you to have a traditional college experience.

But back to seriousness, from my perspective the "traditional college experience" can be broken up into many component pieces. Really there are only two that I can't get back: I'm not 19-22, and I'm not single. That leaves an awful lot of possible experiences waiting to be had, that constitute the "traditional college experience".

Will some people be unwilling to break out of their high school +/- 4 year "peer group" world view? Sure. And that's fine, I'm not out to force myself on any group. I wouldn't get anything out of associating with them anyway, and they would likely get nothing out of associating with me. But obviously from some of the responses in this thread there are people that "get" that brotherhood is commonality, not age. And I'll go out on a limb and say that given my background I "get" brotherhood.

So, there it is. Long and short.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by Kato

Everyone has labels attached to them that aren't accurate or true. I've had worse than "lecher" just serving my country. I would gladly take the Dazed&Confused example over "uneducated simpleton", "man whore" or very occasionally "murderer" which I had to unfairly wear over the past few years simply due to my occupation.

The ignorance and callousness of some people astounds me. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that, and like others, I thank you for your service.

This thread has brought some family and historical perspective to mind for me. My father pledged Kappa Sigma as a married man. He was home from WWII, newly-married to my mother and newly-returned to college. (He had left The Citadel prior to graduation in order to enlist.)

Of course, times were different then -- based on what he and my mother told me, I would hazard a guess that many if not most of his brothers were also vets who had gone back to school after the war, so there was a different dynamic. But I know he was glad to have been able to experience that side of college life, and I know my mother (who had gone to a college without Greek life) was glad for him and supportive. As was common at the time, he gave her his badge, which she still has.

Good luck to you! It sounds like you've got a good perspective going into things and know what questions to ask and what to be careful about.

[33girl]

Here's a question - are there IFC fraternities at UW that aren't quite as "social"? I mean, there are groups who have 3 intramural teams, 3 mixers every week, super participate in everything - then there are groups who aren't so much. Maybe you just need to find a less "gung ho" fraternity.

I mean, you don't want to join a group of losers, but at your age, I'm not sure that winning the intergreek basketball championship is that big of a deal.

[AlphaXi_Husky]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Here's a question - are there IFC fraternities at UW that aren't quite as "social"? I mean, there are groups who have 3 intramural teams, 3 mixers every week, super participate in everything - then there are groups who aren't so much. Maybe you just need to find a less "gung ho" fraternity.

I mean, you don't want to join a group of losers, but at your age, I'm not sure that winning the intergreek basketball championship is that big of a deal.

UW has a large range of fraternities, several of which have colonized or recolonized in the past couple of years. While I have not been a collegiate for a while there, I would venture to say that of the 30+ fraternities that are at UW you should be able to find one that's a match for you, and you a match for it. If you haven't already, check out the UW IFC website here

Good luck to you!