I Don't Date Outside of My Race...

[preciousjeni]

On a related note, in response to what some of y'all have said about the children of interracial parents (black/white specifically), I want children. But, one thing I'm concerned about is how to deal with issues that I haven't personally had to navigate. I can't turn to my parents because they have no idea.

My mother says I borrow trouble - worrying about things before they happen - but I think about how to protect my future children. Things like not wanting them - especially boys - being out at night...not for fear of their safety in general, but for fear that the police will get them. I don't want to sit at home wondering if my child has been arrested.

In reality, who do I turn to when things like that happen? Not my parents. My husbands parents have passed. This is real, y'all. You know?

[MsFoxyLoxy77]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

My mother says I borrow trouble - worrying about things before they happen - but I think about how to protect my future children. Things like not wanting them - especially boys - being out at night...not for fear of their safety in general, but for fear that the police will get them. I don't want to sit at home wondering if my child has been arrested.

In reality, who do I turn to when things like that happen? Not my parents. My husbands parents have passed. This is real, y'all. You know?

So in other words you're worried your future children will be discriminated against. You're afraid they'll be treated like African Americans or people of color. Well they will be people of color and they will be African American.

Who does anyone turn to...Al Sharpton? It doesn't matter how many family members you have or how well connected you are. Anyone...celebrity or not, rich or poor, can be subjected to racism. Any steps that would ever be taken to assist you or your children would most likely come after the fact not before.

I can appreciate that you've thought about the what but I'm not sure you've fully contemplated the who. Who will they be? Though interracial, they will be viewed as black and for better or worse they will be treated as such.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by MsFoxyLoxy77

I can appreciate that you've thought about the what but I'm not sure you've fully contemplated the who. Who will they be? Though interracial, they will be viewed as black and for better or worse they will be treated as such.

I know they'll be black which is why I'm concerned. I, as a white woman, am on the outside of what they'll experience, so my advice for them can only go so far. At this point, I'm just sharing with y'all my experiences and concerns as a white woman in an ongoing interracial relationship.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I know they'll be black which is why I'm concerned. I, as a white woman, am on the outside of what they'll experience, so my advice for them can only go so far. At this point, I'm just sharing with y'all my experiences and concerns as a white woman in an ongoing interracial relationship.

The best thing you can do for your "potential children" is to 1st take care yourself, and keep a healthy mind. Then 2nd, know that you will be the best mother you can possibly be--WITH RESOURCES--do not alienate yourself from those places that support you both. Remember, folks that look at your "light skinned" nappy headed children and judge them--that's their problem...

Both my nephew and niece have thick straight hair. My nephew's hair gets cut because it will get out of control. My niece is still an infant and she has a mohawk--both my brother's kids had mohawks as babies... Either way, folks will talk anyway. The reality is your the parent, love them and teach them...

Kids do have some resiliency. And they also have to be taught. If you need parenting skills, get them. Your best duty you can give to them is to be responsible contributing citizens of society...

[teena]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I know they'll be black which is why I'm concerned. I, as a white woman, am on the outside of what they'll experience, so my advice for them can only go so far. At this point, I'm just sharing with y'all my experiences and concerns as a white woman in an ongoing interracial relationship.

You have to remember, this is why children have two parents.

[lovehaiku84]

Originally Posted by teena

You have to remember, this is why children have two parents.

Exactly. I also think that you can't be afraid to reach out when you need help. There are forums like this that cater to African American mothers. Don't be afraid to join and say that you are the white mother of a child that is half black, that your child is experiencing X, and you want to know how to deal with it. Just recently in the parenting forum at nappturality.com a white woman with two daughters adopted from Haiti posted some questions about hair. She was embraced with open online arms, and still posts from time to time.

[teena]

Originally Posted by lovehaiku84

Exactly. I also think that you can't be afraid to reach out when you need help. There are forums like this that cater to African American mothers. Don't be afraid to join and say that you are the white mother of a child that is half black, that your child is experiencing X, and you want to know how to deal with it. Just recently in the parenting forum at nappturality.com a white woman with two daughters adopted from Haiti posted some questions about hair. She was embraced with open online arms, and still posts from time to time.

I would also hope that she has close AA female friends in her support system . Websites are nice for information. But nothing beats a face to face friend.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by teena

I would also hope that she has close AA female friends in her support system . Websites are nice for information. But nothing beats a face to face friend.

There's one woman, in particular, I love like my own heart. She posts around here sometimes. My closest relationships are with women in Theta Nu Xi. I draw strength and encouragement from them and many of them are my constant advisors and mentors. So, the network is there, but I deeply wish I had a mother or mother-in-law to turn to. You can't beat that.

[starang21]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

I know they'll be black which is why I'm concerned. I, as a white woman, am on the outside of what they'll experience, so my advice for them can only go so far. At this point, I'm just sharing with y'all my experiences and concerns as a white woman in an ongoing interracial relationship.

tell them to ask their dad.

[AKA2D '91]

I read the article. What kind of response have you received? What did your family members think of it?

You came up in the time when little girls should be seen and not heard. Boy, my sister and I KNEW when adults were around, you didn't have anything to contribute.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by AKA2D '91

I read the article. What kind of response have you received? What did your family members think of it?

The response has been mixed, both positive and negative. And, yikes, on my family reading it. I'm still working up the nerve to show it to them, but they will see it. I'm pretty fearless when it comes to confronting the world, but my own family is a weakness of mine. I try to do things gently, in part, because they're not ready yet but also because I'm scared.

By the way, I probably mentioned on here before that my paternal grandfather disowned me when I got married and banned me from his property. Other family members followed suit. But, being disowned wasn't that traumatic for me because I could just walk away - I didn't have to answer to anyone. It's the people who really care and want to hear what I have to say that make me uneasy to confront.

[teena]

Originally Posted by MsFoxyLoxy77

So in other words you're worried your future children will be discriminated against. You're afraid they'll be treated like African Americans or people of color. Well they will be people of color and they will be African American.

Who does anyone turn to...Al Sharpton? It doesn't matter how many family members you have or how well connected you are. Anyone...celebrity or not, rich or poor, can be subjected to racism. Any steps that would ever be taken to assist you or your children would most likely come after the fact not before.

I can appreciate that you've thought about the what but I'm not sure you've fully contemplated the who. Who will they be? Though interracial, they will be viewed as black and for better or worse they will be treated as such.

I think what she is saying is how can she prepare her future children for an experience that she has no real first hand knowledge. How can she gauge is her feelings are on the mark or if she is over reacting if her parents have no experience and her husbands parents arent alive. I think what she is asking about is a support system that will be able to address her issues.

I think she poses very good questions that i have often wondered about myself especially with Brangelina and Tom Cruise. How can you teach your children about about a system that is against you when you dont really understand yourself.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

On a related note, in response to what some of y'all have said about the children of interracial parents (black/white specifically), I want children. But, one thing I'm concerned about is how to deal with issues that I haven't personally had to navigate. I can't turn to my parents because they have no idea.

My mother says I borrow trouble - worrying about things before they happen - but I think about how to protect my future children. Things like not wanting them - especially boys - being out at night...not for fear of their safety in general, but for fear that the police will get them. I don't want to sit at home wondering if my child has been arrested.

In reality, who do I turn to when things like that happen? Not my parents. My husbands parents have passed. This is real, y'all. You know?

You just love your kids with more love that you thought you ever had before. And since you seemed to be already involved in a church setting, then you take them there. They will get the "REAL LOVE" that all children sorely need.

Not every little thing is bigoted when you view it with kids, but sometimes you have to pull adults to the side and let them know. My nephew just encountered some craziness. I am unsure if my brother set the "responsible adult" straight or not, but nonetheless, it was disturbing. However, there are other issues at play in my situation...

And start learning curricula education EARLY--like letters and numbers and have your kids walking in kindergarten knowing how to read 2 grade levels above...

My little nephew is a lefty... So he does not know how to write his name yet. It is going to be very hard to get him to know. But, he can be taught numbers, counting and reading in general. Appropriate for his age.

You should see him play concentration. It's a whole 'nother concept to a 3 1/2 year old... LOL

[AKA2D '91]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

My little nephew is a lefty... So he does not know how to write his name yet. , counting and reading in general.
It is going to be very hard to get him to know.

Say what? It's hard for him because it's a challenge for him. Don't say it's because he's one of us.

It didn't take me long to learn to write my name. It was difficult for my teachers to not allow me to turn my writst all the way around to right. That was a directive that came down from my father, their boss.
Whatever they did...it worked!

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by AKA2D '91

Say what? It's hard for him because it's a challenge for him. Don't say it's because he's one of us.

It didn't take me long to learn to write my name. It was difficult for my teachers to not allow me to turn my writst all the way around to right. That was a directive that came down from my father, their boss.
Whatever they did...it worked!

My dad said he's gonna teach my nephew how to pitch...

That is what pisses me off with his upbringing!!! I taught him how to turn his hand with a pencil so it could be easier to write, and he wrote the first letter of his name PERFECTLY!!! You should have seen the smile on his face!!!

He's NOT inhibited, the folks around him are--though...

Just one week with me, and my nephew learned a whole new world!!!