A Bad Advisor!

[33girl]

This definitely sounds like she is unhappy in her life, and she's tracing it back to something that happened in college - like if she can go back and "redo" it all she can fix her life or something.

Or, I could be overanalyzing and she's just batshit crazy. I mean, to not know that people don't want to hang out with you? I went up to visit my chapter a lot after I graduated, and I know there were a few sisters who resented it, but if it had been ALL of them I certainly wouldn't have kept returning.

The only other thing I can think of is to block her emails/texts and just ignore her. If she shows up at the house, either magically 1) everyone has a class that they need to get to or 2) are going to the library to study.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Or, I could be overanalyzing and she's just batshit crazy.

Yep. This gets my vote.

And she sounds like *she* has a drinking problem too. This is someone who is not living in reality.

I am so very sorry. I think 33 has given you some excellent advice. It sounds like you are trying to take the high road, and I applaud you for that.

[AOII Angel]

Sounds like you need to have a whole chapter meeting just about this alum. Nationals cannot make her stay away, but you can instruct you members that this alumna cannot override the rules of the organization just because she is a "founder." They need to understand that any untoward behaviour in the future will be grounds for a standards investigation and that the excuse that this alumna made them do it will not stand. The collegiates have to learn to say no to this woman. She'll never stop as long as she gets attention when she shows up to campus. Don't dance around the subject...be straight forward with your members, then let the alumna know in a formal letter what your chapter has decided about her involvement with the chapter. Also make sure to let her know that you welcome her to any usual events that alumnae are invited to....not to daily chapter life!

[ForeverRoses]

Do chapter "founders" get any more respect/perks than "regular" chapter alumnae? I know they signed the charter and all, but I don't remember ever having to go above and beyond just because someone was a founder. Since this woman is no longer an advisor, can the "actives only" card be played? She can't show up for an event and expect to go, because it is for actives only. Same with Chapter, etc. And the voicemails and text messages need to be ignored.

[Froggy11]

The bigger problem really is that there are a bunch of girls who idolize this alumna. This group is getting smaller and smaller, but it is causing division and a lack of respect for each other and especially our executive board.

Most of the seniors and juniors want nothing to do with her, but some of our younger girls like this alumna alot -- mostly because she buys them alcohol, food and sorority gifts.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

Do chapter "founders" get any more respect/perks than "regular" chapter alumnae? I know they signed the charter and all, but I don't remember ever having to go above and beyond just because someone was a founder. Since this woman is no longer an advisor, can the "actives only" card be played? She can't show up for an event and expect to go, because it is for actives only. Same with Chapter, etc. And the voicemails and text messages need to be ignored.

Depends on your particular NPC group, but generally speaking chapter "founders" do NOT get special privileges, ESPECIALLY when it involves breaking the law in buying alcohol for underage individuals.
YES, use the actives only card!! Excellent idea!
Get your adult advisors on board with this - they need to go to bat for you with the university AND your executive offices AND your regional officers. If she shows up uninvited, then she can be charged with trespassing. This could go for both the university and the sorority.
And yes, it takes a lot, but alumnae CAN be called before a standards board and alumnae CAN be...ah..."fired" but that's not the right word.
But you REALLY need your adult advisors to step in here. This is an extreme situation!
Good luck, dear!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

YES, use the actives only card!! Excellent idea!

No, bad idea.

What if one of the alums you DO like and who is awesome wants to come to this or that event? Once you say "actives only" or do anything to give it teeth, like putting it in your chapter bylaws, you have to apply it across the board. You can't just use it for people you don't like. That will lead to lots of resentment. NPC groups have BIG differences in this as I've seen on GC - some groups welcome their alums to anything, some groups the alums have to go thru the paperwork equivalent of a metal detector.

If your national org says that only alums can come to meetings or formals - start enforcing it - but you must enforce it for EVERYONE. But I would not make a special chapter bylaw just to keep one person out. Because what happens is 10 years down the road, the alums don't feel welcome because of this bylaw, and no one remembers why.

You guys, read the posts from the OP. Calling the other advisors hasn't done anything. Contacting nationals hasn't done anything. THIS is the issue:

Originally Posted by Froggy11

The bigger problem really is that there are a bunch of girls who idolize this alumna. This group is getting smaller and smaller, but it is causing division and a lack of respect for each other and especially our executive board.

Most of the seniors and juniors want nothing to do with her, but some of our younger girls like this alumna alot -- mostly because she buys them alcohol, food and sorority gifts.

She is getting the attention and affection she wants - even if it appears to be somewhat hollow - so why would words from anyone make her stop what she's doing??

The thing to do is let the actives know that her "founder" status doesn't make her special, and that if the only reason they like her is because she buys them booze & stuff, they're really being unsisterly to take advantage of someone in that manner.

I mean - if they like her so much that they want to go visit her and party - then that's their business. But what happens on campus is a different story.

There are TWO guilty parties here: the alum who is showing no respect for the rules and putting the chapter at risk with the school, and the sisters who are enabling her because they can get something from her.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

No, bad idea.

What if one of the alums you DO like and who is awesome wants to come to this or that event? Once you say "actives only" or do anything to give it teeth, like putting it in your chapter bylaws, you have to apply it across the board. You can't just use it for people you don't like. That will lead to lots of resentment. NPC groups have BIG differences in this as I've seen on GC - some groups welcome their alums to anything, some groups the alums have to go thru the paperwork equivalent of a metal detector.

If your national org says that only alums can come to meetings or formals - start enforcing it - but you must enforce it for EVERYONE. But I would not make a special chapter bylaw just to keep one person out. Because what happens is 10 years down the road, the alums don't feel welcome because of this bylaw, and no one remembers why.

You guys, read the posts from the OP. Calling the other advisors hasn't done anything. Contacting nationals hasn't done anything. THIS is the issue:



She is getting the attention and affection she wants - even if it appears to be somewhat hollow - so why would words from anyone make her stop what she's doing??

The thing to do is let the actives know that her "founder" status doesn't make her special, and that if the only reason they like her is because she buys them booze & stuff, they're really being unsisterly to take advantage of someone in that manner.

I mean - if they like her so much that they want to go visit her and party - then that's their business. But what happens on campus is a different story.

There are TWO guilty parties here: the alum who is showing no respect for the rules and putting the chapter at risk with the school, and the sisters who are enabling her.

I completely agree. That's why it needs to be made clear to these younger sisters that this behaviour will not be tolerated. If they want to hang out with her...fine, but any bad behaviour witnessed will not be excused because a chapter "founder" said it was okay. These women have the right of free association, but they are still responsible for obeying the by-laws in order to remain in good standing.