How important to you is financial security in a relationship/marriage?

[cheerfulgreek]

It's a 7 for me. I say a 7 because in every relationship a couple is going to go through some financial ups and downs. I just don't want a guy who isn't financially responsible. I think maturity is a requirement that's often over looked when choosing a partner. I think developmental disturbances, coupled with the me first mentality are destined to cause problems in any relationship. A guy who isn't fully mature in this area of his life is not ready for commitment and the responsibility of a future with me. I think part of what contributes to the debt problem in the United States is our demand for instant gratification. We live in a society where instant gratification takes too long. Today, it just seems like a man and a woman marry, and they instantly want what their parents have taken a lifetime to assemble. It's just that couples today don't see the boxes their parents used for chairs or the mismatched hand me down furniture they once had. Of course I don't mean that literally, but I'm just trying to make a point why I think marriages don't last. But it's a 7 for me. If he's having a hard time making ends meet, I have no problem helping him, just as long as he's not taking advantage of the situation. I don't mind helping but I don't think I should be the one paying for everything.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

(i.e. when I retire from Corporate America, I don't want to have to work as a greeter at Wal-Mart to make ends meet.

omg! I just choked from laughing when I read this one. lol lol lol lol lol

[Ten/Four]

9 (because nothing if ever perfect). I understand he may have some debt, ie student loans, car loans, maybe a credit card, but I wouldn't want someone who is reckless with spending habits.

[RU OX Alum]

Originally Posted by Benzgirl

11

exactly,

it's why most people split up, and i don't want some one who is wreckless

don't have to be rich but don't have to be spending all my money most of it goes to medicine anyway, so i want someone that knows how to plan, etc.

[Coramoor]

10.

If a chick can't manage the few bills she has now...how the hell would she manage when she has a family depending on her?

Student debt isn't really an issue (unless it's like $100k for a worthless B.A. degree). I'm more concerned about the $15k in credit card debt and the $30k on the brand new car she is going to eventually break.

[ThetaDancer]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

10, 10, 10.

You can be financially secure and be decidedly not wealthy, or you can have a high salary and be financially insecure due to living outside of your means. I want to retire. I want to send my kids to the same kinds of schools that I went to. That doesn't require wealth, but it does require certain priorities.

My thoughts exactly. Financial responsibility and security are huge priorities for me. Like you said, I want to be able to retire and to give my children all of the opportunities that I was able to have.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

PrettyBoy, this topic should apply to men and women equally. This is a topic of financial security and the ability to enjoy certain luxuries and accumulate wealth for the future.

Marriages end in divorce over finances because both the man and women are disastisfied with the economic situation or can't adjust to ups and downs.

To roughly address some other points that you made:
I view marriages as more egalitarian so my household will be run differently than many. Unless one spouse agrees to be a stay-at-home husband/father or wife/mother, both spouses are contributing equally to the finances (even if this is based on % of total income) and to the household (and parenting, if there are children) responsibilities.

It isn't the man's responsibility to provide financially and the woman's to do the household stuff. Unless the couple decides that the man will be the only paid worker and the woman will be the unpaid worker. But in instances where that arrangement has not been made, I don't agree with the "man is the head of the household" thing in the literal sense that most people take it.

I beleive it's the man's responsibility to provide for his wife and that's not only financially, it's also emotionally. I didn't say a woman is to be a homemaker. I said she has a choice. If I were married, I would actually prefer my wife to work so we can have a better life style together. Two incomes are always better than one. DSTCHAOS, if your household is run differently because of the way you view marriages, then that's your choice, and between you and your significant other. I view marriages as the man being the head of the household and the provider. I believe the man and the woman are to submit themselves to one another. She is to submit to his lead and he is to submit to her needs. But before they do so, they both have to submit themselves to God first. My marriage will be based on Biblical principles, which for me is why it is very important to choose the right woman. God says "Provide for your family." I can quote scripture if needed.

I agree with you when you say women are equals, and that's fine, but the husband is the final decision maker. I believe a man can make three decisions. He can make the wrong decision, the right decision or no decision. I have more respect for a man that will make the wrong decision rather than no decision at all.

I think when a lot of women hear that the man should be the head and the provider, they automatically think that he is to rule, or take over with an iron fist. Men are also guilty of thinking this and end up running their marriage into the ground. This isn't what leadership is about.

I understand this thread is about finances, and you mentioned why finances cause divorce. I agree with you, but to add on to what you said, what couples fail to realize is divorce does not happen over finances alone. Most couples enter into a marriage with high expectations and low preperation. Another reason is men and women fail to recognize the differences between the sexes, which can cause couples to not meet certain needs that can keep a marriage alive. I blame men a lot for divorce and for corrupting good women, which I've talked about in other D&R threads. Men need to understand that women are divinely different and they are not going to change. A woman cannot be like a man and a man cannot be like a woman, because each is different from the other, and that fact will never ever change. God created a man and a woman that way, and the sooner a couple adjust to and accept it, the happier they will be.

Also, to bring up another potential problem. I think having a nice wedding is important, but I think men and women today spend so much time preparing for a wedding and so little time preparing for marriage. I've seen couples who have spent more time preparing for a wedding than they did for the marriage itself, and that's sad. To me a fancy wedding is just fluff and without proper planning, it's only a wedding and not a marriage. Divorce will soon follow.

Couples today are taught not to accept responsiblity for their actions, so they want to play the blame game. If a man/woman cannot accept responsiblity for who he/she has become and for the things he/she does, no marriage counselor on earth can keep their marriage together. It's not just about finances. A man is to provide for his wife/family if they have kids, financially and he is also to protect her emotionally. A man that refuses to do this is a sorry joker, and in my eyes a poor excuse for a man.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

DSTCHAOS, if your household is run differently because of the way you view marriages, then that's your choice, and between you and your significant other.

Indeed.

It will also be run in accordance with our connection with God rather than others' takes on Christianity and interpretations of Scripture.

But my main point was in response to your assertion that this is more of a concern for women than men.

ETA: I appreciate your clarification on the household division of labor and two incomes thing. Although I have a different interpretation of what it means to submit to God and to one another.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

It will also be run in accordance with our connection with God rather than others' takes on Christianity and interpretations of Scripture.

Good for you. Continue your walk with God and good luck in your relationship. As always, nice chatting with you.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

Good for you. Continue your walk with God and good luck in your relationship. As always, nice chatting with you.

Uh...yeah....