Chuck Norris's Recruitment Story

Chuck Norris · #1 02-10-2008, 01:00 AM

Chuck just can't believe his recruitment is almost over! (tear)

Round 4: Preference

Chuck decided that an occasion like Preference merited a significant increase in the Chuck factor. Yes, an up-Chuck was positively required. Chuck wore a really awesome silk suit, snakeskin tie, and ostrich-feather lined cowboy boots. Chuck looked like money and he DID know it.

As Chuck approached what he now likes to call his “War Cabana,” Chuck noticed a crowd had been drawn around one of the girls. Double-legacy-phi-mu girl was as pissed as Tom Brady was last time Chuck gave him the smack down. There was a new Rho Chi under the Cabana … none other than the NPC chairman, Ms. Julie Burkhard. Legacy girl had her finger in Burkhard’s face and was threatening that “if something isn’t done fast, my parents will have all the greek orgs thrown off of the campus!” Legacy girl continued, “my mom is in the Dean’s office right now and if you don’t do something about this, she will. For me to be dropped by all the houses right before preference must be a result some type of prejudice against me or some conspiracy amongst the sororities. Sororities are so silly, superficial and ridiculous and this proves it.” Ms. Burkhard looked confused, and asked, “if they’re so silly and superficial, then why on earth are you so upset that everyone dropped you?” Legacy girl reached for her phone, saying “you just wait until I tell my Mom about this.” Chuck grabbed the cell phone and crushed it with one fist. Chuck told legacy girl “Consider yourself no-rec-ed. By Chuck.”

After legacy girl was gone (there were several waxing crescent moon kicks involved), the group split up into groups based on which Preferences they were to attend. First up for Chuck was Kappa Alpha Theta.

Kappa Alpha Theta - Chuck was immediately greeted by kung fu Theta, who had a large smile on her face. Kung fu theta said “Chuck, I was so happy to see you again, tonight. I want you to know that while others may not understand sporadic, insuppressible violence, I do. America and Theta needs you to have a chance against the Axis of Evil. You know what Chuck, I’m not supposed to say stuff like this, but you’re my Rush Crush!” This angered and confused Chuck. Chuck immediately threw kung fu Theta into a table of sparkling cider and yellow-iced kite cookies. Chuck said, “Whose rush is crushed now?” The Thetas then explained to Chuck what a “rush crush” was. Chuck said, “Oh.” The Theta preference continued and was very nice.

Pi Beta Phi – Chuck was immediately greeted by a Pi Phi that he had connected with on the first night. He noticed that all of the other PNMs were being greeted with arrow-shaped cookies with the PNMs’ names thoughtfully written on them in icing. Chuck thought this was very nice, until the Pi Phi preffing him handed him his cookie. Instead of arrow shaped, Chuck’s cookie was shaped like a Glock. Chuck was touched because it was obvious the Pi Phis had taken the time to know the real Chuck. The Pi Phi Preference really showed Chuck what it would be like to be a sister there.

Zeta Tau Alpha – At the Zeta Preference, Chuck was also very impressed. Southern-Zeta greeted Chuck at the door and complimented him on his snakeskin tie. Chuck knew it was a badass tie, but acted very gracious. Then, Little-Zeta came into the conversation, as well, to echo Southern-Zeta’s admiration of Chuck’s tie. Southern-Zeta seemed uncomfortable and motioned for Little-Zeta to go away. Chuck said, “What’s the matter, ladies? Plenty of Chuckalicious Norris to go around, you know. Southern-Zeta explained that “hot boxing” was strictly prohibited and Zetas are very respectful of recruitment rules. Chuck raised his eyebrows, “Well, that’s one rule that has to go. Any sisters that want to hotbox each other is okay in Chuck’s book.” Southern-Zeta blushed, the proper lady that she is, and explained what hotboxing is in recruitment slang. Chuck thought this highly uninteresting. Southern-Zeta led Chuck to a table of turquoise-chocolate dipped strawberries and they talked some more. Chuck was really comfortable with the Zetas and was starting to feel like Zeta could be his future family! What better home for a Kung Fu King than with a crown on his head – and Chuck is all about bringing justice to all!

Chuck was stumped. It would be a really tough choice ranking these three excellent groups. But then, Chuck suddenly knew the solution to his bid card conundrum and immediately began to work his Chuck-magic on it as he filled it out...

Stay tuned! Will Chuck end up Pi Phi’s Angel of Death? The Zeta King of Justice? Or will Chuck fight liberals everywhere as Theta’s newest secret weapon?

alum · #2 02-10-2008, 01:24 AM

Once again, Mr. Norris has a way with words like no other.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuck Norris

Yes, an up-Chuck was positively required......Chuck’s cookie was shaped like a Glock. .....Chuck said, “What’s the matter, ladies? Plenty of Chuckalicious Norris to go around, you know...... Any sisters that want to hotbox each other is okay in Chuck’s book. " Southern-Zeta blushed, the proper lady that she is, and explained what hotboxing is in recruitment slang. Chuck thought this highly uninteresting.

I am so glad that this 67-year old decided to go back to school! And since you ARE of age, I suggest you have some 2-Buck Chuck.

Feel free to bite off the neck if a corkscrew isn't handy.

TriDPrincess · #3 02-11-2008, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alum

Once again, Mr. Norris has a way with words like no other.

I am so glad that this 67-year old decided to go back to school! And since you ARE of age, I suggest you have some 2-Buck Chuck.

Feel free to bite off the neck if a corkscrew isn't handy.

Yay for this recruitment story and yay for two-buck chuck-
I <3 Trader Joe's and Chuck

Now that I read the entire thread: Welcome to the Delta Force!!!

Zeta13Girl · #4 02-10-2008, 01:28 AM

ooooo I hope he becomes a Zeta king of justice!

Good Luck Chuck!

Jimmy Choo · #5 02-10-2008, 01:50 AM

I love this thread and the only thing that makes me sad is that Tri Delta was not an opition for him.

He would have rocked carrying around a Trident! I'm thinking Chuck goes Theta b/c he and kung fu Theta clearly have a strong bond.... she'll totally end up being his big!

barbino · #6 02-10-2008, 02:15 AM

When Chuck chooses his Greek home, he will defend it -

any way he can, be it with a glock in hand, a death stare, his fists, or a roundhouse kick.

Yeah, Chuck! Representing the fighting spirit of Greeks everywhere!
Just a reminder: He's one of those PNM's that everyone wants. So the decision is totally his!

OhSoVeryLadylike · #7 02-10-2008, 02:32 AM

Dang I was ready for the reveal....hurry....

ThetaPrincess24 · #8 02-10-2008, 03:28 PM

dont for get to introduce yourself in the Delta Delta Delta forum!!!

this thread is great!

texas*princess · #9 02-10-2008, 01:48 PM

this is seriously the best thread ever on GC!

Chuck Norris · #10 02-10-2008, 03:11 PM

Last night it was late when Chuck filled out his bid card. Chuck filled out his own name three times because “Chuck Norris” is never wrong.

Chuck was up all night making plans for a quintuple-bladed extinction crown, a saber-toothed death kite, and venom-infused, blow-dart arrows.

Chuck was starting to question the infinite wisdom that inspired his creative bid day card at 7 a.m. when … the phone rang. Chuck had heard about the phone calls on bid day and his bicepts started to swell in the purest fury he had ever known. The seams of his favorite Bratz pajamas began to rip open thread by thread.

Chuck played it cool, though, and answered as he usually does: “You have ten seconds to identify yourself or die.”

A lady’s voice answered. “This is Julie Burkhard, your Rho Chi. We’ve had a bid matching issue we’d like to talk to you about before we can give any of the other PNMs bids. Would you come down, please?”

Chuck was there in less than 60 seconds, not because he was in a hurry. In fact, Chuck could have been there earlier if he hadn’t been accessorizing. Chuck can be anywhere in the world in less than 60 seconds.

When Chuck arrived, Ms. Burkhard looked very relieved to see him. She said, “Chuck, we really need your help. We entered your information into our bid matching software and I don’t know how to tell you this, but our system crashed. I guess we just weren’t prepared for Chuck Norris to be placed in the mutual selection process. It was likely our fault for assuming the software could handle you. Well, I am sorry to say that the software did not match your bid before it began to inexplicably ooze bullets and blood from the back of the computer. So, I talked to all the groups, and it turns out that they all would like Chuck as a sister. Here are your bid cards.”

Chuck started to flip through the cards, and then became confused. Why was there a squirrel on one of Chuck’s bids? A turtle, too? Was this a joke? Chuck likes jokes about as much as he likes the stepford-posts on HPRL. Chuck counted the cards – there were 26. Chuck asked Ms. Burkhard about it, she replied, “Oh I forgot to tell you. Something else rather unprecedented happen. Your entire PNM group refused to name organizations on their bid card. If there were just a few, we’d just refuse to put them in the system, but each of them wrote “I want what Chuck wants.” The whole situation is rather unheard of, so I started making some calls to find out what to do. Once it got out to the other NPC organizations that Chuck Norris was going through recruitment, suddenly everyone wanted to colonize here if it meant Chuck Norris would be their first new member. While I personally do not think this is the best solution, anything else would risk a complete revolution by the unrepresented sororities. I’m afraid that telling them no would have been the end of NPC! So, I hope you choose wisely, Chuck.

Chuck was blown away. Sure Chuck had something special with kung fu Theta, but what more did he have in common with the other thetas besides politics? Didn’t he want something more out of sisterhood? And sure the Zetas were nice, but Chuck isn’t so sure the members he met were worldly enough. And while the Pi Phis were thoughtful, did Chuck really want to make a lifetime commitment over a gun-cookie? Chuck had made forum-friends on GC with sisters from all of the groups, and Chuck really didn’t want to limit himself to the sororities on campus. In fact, it started to seem more Chuck-like to bring his entire PNM group with him and start a new chapter on campus with all new Chucktastic traditions.

Chuck didn’t know how he felt as he flipped through the cards. Then… one of the bid cards, in cerulean blue, stood out. It said:

“Chuck, we’d like to invite you to join our Delta Force.”

It went on: “Since 1888, we think our founders were building up for Chuck to take us into the 21st century in style.”

Chuck was touched. Chuck is now proud to become a colonizing new member…

of…

Delta

Delta

Delta!

Chuck thanks everyone for encouraging in the process and hopes that all of Chuck’s GC fans will be happy for him. Chuck looks forward to being a Panhellenic sister to all of his NPC friends. Chuck pledges to protect the entire NPC from the Axis of Evil!

texas*princess · #11 02-10-2008, 03:18 PM

Congratulations Chuck Norris. I hope you and Tri Delta have a beautiful life long bond!

I'm not going to lie... that ending threw me for a loop. I thought Chuck Norris wasn't a pansy?