My Sorority Pledge? I Swore Off Sisterhood

[33girl]

Ummm...

Did this woman ever TELL her sisters what happened? Did she let them know that she passed out and was taken advantage of against her will (not that she had a will when she was passed out)?

That detail seems to be missing from the story, and it would make a lot of difference. If you don't share things with your sisters, you can't expect them to know what happened and get pissed off if they don't sympathize with you. It sounds as though she was on iffy footing with the sorority from the beginning, and I think the sisters believed she did this willingly, on purpose, to make them look bad, and that's why she was terminated.

If she still can't stand up for herself at this late date (in her Gymboree situation I think my response would have been "you fucking bitch, you terminated me after I was raped, I do not want to have a latte with you"), and is still that wary of all women, then she needs therapy, YESTERDAY.

Oh, and depending on the school, getting drunk and boinking in the fraternity house could have been a big deal or nothing at all. 20 years ago, 40 years ago, OR NOW. Considering how many young women consider Paris Hilton a role model and seem to see nothing wrong with the fact that her pooter is all over the internet, it would be a little hypocritical for them to terminate someone just because she had sex in a fraternity house.

[LPIDelta]

Yup--people suck. And its worse when its "family". While I don't blame her for what happened--she was lucky that she wasn't raped--I do agree with others that it is unfortunate that she is still feeling this way about women after 20 years, a career as a lawyer and while raising daughters. For the sake of her daughters, she should get some therapy. Brave of her to share her story, but I don't know how appropriate it is to do so in a national publications.

If she doesn't figure this out soon, what will she do, heaven forbid, if one or more of her daughters wants to join a squad, a team or *gasp* a sorority?

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by LPIDelta

Yup--people suck. And its worse when its "family". While I don't blame her for what happened--she was lucky that she wasn't raped--I do agree with others that it is unfortunate that she is still feeling this way about women after 20 years, a career as a lawyer and while raising daughters. For the sake of her daughters, she should get some therapy. Brave of her to share her story, but I don't know how appropriate it is to do so in a national publications.

If she doesn't figure this out soon, what will she do, heaven forbid, if one or more of her daughters wants to join a squad, a team or *gasp* a sorority?

So far this is the only post that states she wasn't raped... why is everyone else posting that she was?

Ledge parties, for those of you who didn’t attend party-school universities, featured fraternity boys luring their unsuspecting companions to a lair of choice, where they engineered some semblance of sex for the viewing enjoyment of their voyeuristic brethren, who watched from the window’s ledge.

So the guys made it look like they were doing the deed, but they in fact were not, right?

That doesn't make it any better but everyone is saying she was raped, so that's kind of confusing.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

So far this is the only post that states she wasn't raped... why is everyone else posting that she was?



So the guys made it look like they were doing the deed, but they in fact were not, right?

That doesn't make it any better but everyone is saying she was raped, so that's kind of confusing.

This is what she said before that. It seems he took it farther, because she was unconscious.

"I indulged, partied hard and, a scant two months into the semester, lost my virginity.

But not in the traditional way.

It happened after a fraternity barn dance. All I knew about my date was that he was festively inclined and physically stunning. My sisters considered him a catch. I felt lucky.

After the usual alcoholic overindulgence, I followed him upstairs, where I soon passed out on his sofa. There, I assumed the starring role in a garden-variety “ledge party,” my deflowering on display for anyone desiring a peek."

[LPIDelta]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

This is what she said before that. It seems he took it farther, because she was unconscious.

"I indulged, partied hard and, a scant two months into the semester, lost my virginity.

But not in the traditional way.

It happened after a fraternity barn dance. All I knew about my date was that he was festively inclined and physically stunning. My sisters considered him a catch. I felt lucky.

After the usual alcoholic overindulgence, I followed him upstairs, where I soon passed out on his sofa. There, I assumed the starring role in a garden-variety “ledge party,” my deflowering on display for anyone desiring a peek."

Yeah, I misread that the first time--I thought it said that it was stopped BEFORE any inappropriate contact, but I am not reading that now. Ugh. How sad. I hope, for her daughters, she does something about how she is feeling.

[AKA_Monet]

I have felt alienated from several of my sorority sisters. I have always been that oddball, that march to the tune of a different drummer--mine. It's liken to you either love me or you don't. What hurts about this woman's case is that she thought she was past her pain, and it came crashing into her with recognition. And at the time of "confession", the "you know that was college"--that was the time to bust homegirl's bubble. You have no reason to crush her reality, but how come superwoman felt the need to "recognize Kathy Dick!" As if she discovered a long lost treasure?

That is why one has be mindful of what he or she says to one another...

ETA: My mother use to work with a secretary. Oneday, her secretary's hifalutin' friend strolled in the door and wailed about how well she knew the secretary and how they grew up and was happy to see her, saying that she was the most popular woman in the world and how the hifalutin' friend was envious of her. After the hifalutin' friend left, my mom's secretary proceeded to tell her, that when she got home, her mother would lock into a closet and physically abuse her...

[SoCalGirl]

Originally Posted by texas*princess

So far this is the only post that states she wasn't raped... why is everyone else posting that she was?



So the guys made it look like they were doing the deed, but they in fact were not, right?

That doesn't make it any better but everyone is saying she was raped, so that's kind of confusing.

In the article she mentions losing her virginity then proceeds to explain her blackout and the ledge incident.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Ummm...

Did this woman ever TELL her sisters what happened? Did she let them know that she passed out and was taken advantage of against her will (not that she had a will when she was passed out)?

That detail seems to be missing from the story, and it would make a lot of difference. If you don't share things with your sisters, you can't expect them to know what happened and get pissed off if they don't sympathize with you. It sounds as though she was on iffy footing with the sorority from the beginning, and I think the sisters believed she did this willingly, on purpose, to make them look bad, and that's why she was terminated.

If she still can't stand up for herself at this late date (in her Gymboree situation I think my response would have been "you fucking bitch, you terminated me after I was raped, I do not want to have a latte with you"), and is still that wary of all women, then she needs therapy, YESTERDAY.

Oh, and depending on the school, getting drunk and boinking in the fraternity house could have been a big deal or nothing at all. 20 years ago, 40 years ago, OR NOW. Considering how many young women consider Paris Hilton a role model and seem to see nothing wrong with the fact that her pooter is all over the internet, it would be a little hypocritical for them to terminate someone just because she had sex in a fraternity house.

You can't look at this through today's lens. And I am sure she tried to explain the situation, but you know how pervasive rumors can be on a campus. The fact the the fraternity brothers apologized and the dude was disciplined would have been out there, too.

Minnesota is known for "Minnesota Nice." I can really see how this 18 year old left home, probably having led a sheltered life only to have this traumatic experience. And I can understand how she is still affected by it. If her basic personality is "Minnesota Nice" then the ideas of cussing, calling anyone a bitch, or even being rude would not cross her mind.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ladygreek

You can't look at this through today's lens. And I am sure she tried to explain the situation, but you know how pervasive rumors can be on a campus. The fact the the fraternity brothers apologized and the dude was disciplined would have been out there, too.

Minnesota is known for "Minnesota Nice." I can really see how this 18 year old left home, probably having led a sheltered life only to have this traumatic experience. And I can understand how she is still affected by it. If her basic personality is "Minnesota Nice" then the ideas of cussing, calling anyone a bitch, or even being rude would not cross her mind.

I'm the same age (a little younger) than she is. If a sister in ANY of the sororities on our campus would have told her sisters what happened, I don't think she would have been terminated for it. Even if she would have done it on purpose, I still kinda doubt it. Like I said, it sounds like there were other problems - that she just didn't fit in in general, and after the rape instead of reaching out for help and telling people what happened, she made it a point to do things she knew would tick people off.

And I don't care where she is from - I realize at 18 maybe she couldn't have stood up for herself but I'm talking about NOW. If she is still that freaked out and distrustful of women, she needs to be in therapy.