Things you want to say (but shouldn't) outloud at work

[aephi alum]

"Dear" boss:

STOP HUMMING.

It's gotten to the point where I have to listen to my iPod in the office. Even Linkin Park doesn't drown out your off-key humming. You even hum while talking to other people, including me. You don't hum any definable tune, nor do you stick to any particular key. I'm sure you think no one else can hear you, but YOU'RE WRONG. We're in an open-plan office, and everyone can hear you.

I'm tempted to rip off your nutsack, but that wouldn't solve the problem - you'd just hum in permanent falsetto.

Stop your damn humming before I have to get 24th century on your ass.

Regards,
aephi alum

[i've had enough]

This is my one and only sock puppet, created specifically for discretion while I vent about my job. Yes it's that serious. Mods, don't out me.

To the idiot - nobody cares. stop bothering us and we won't laugh at you behind your back.

To the boss - there is NO way you can possibly agree with every single person who contributes to a discussion! it's one thing to be diplomatic but you REALLY need to take a stand on some issues.

[epchick]

--are you really all idiots? Can you not do math? What Is 50% of $24? Really, if you can't figure it out then you deserve to pay double.

--really? It is F-ING snowing in El Paso. You know what happened the last time it snowed? people left their cars in the middle of the road because the streets had frozen over, there were over 50 car accidents...and you want me to stay til 11 at night? Wow...douches!