When is a couple is ready to get engaged?

Educatingblue · #1 10-29-2007, 06:51 PM

I think it depends more on life goals. You have to make sure you have accomplished everything YOU planned on before you throw marriage into the mix. I think a lot of people rush into marriage before they have finished college/grad school or landed their "career job" and have regrets later.

Both people have to feel like this is the person they cannot "live without" and base this on pure reasons...not something silly like having a certain age you would like to be married by, economical reasons, peer pressure, etc.

The biggest test for my DH and I was still wanting the same thing (marriage) after being friends for 2 years, then dating for 2 years, and engaged for 1 year.

I think in any situation it is best to wait and really think on the relationship before you jump into something you are unsure of.

MysticCat · #2 10-30-2007, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Educatingblue

I think it depends more on life goals. You have to make sure you have accomplished everything YOU planned on before you throw marriage into the mix.

For some people yes, for others no. I think you always have to be open to the possibility of changing or even throwing out some goals. And I don't see why goals have to be accomplished prior to marriage. But then, I was never a big one on setting life goals -- that's just not my personality.

KSUViolet06, there is no checklist. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. You just know when the time's right and you know when it isn't. Just pay attention to yourself and to each other, not what others may be telling you.

lauralaylin · #3 10-30-2007, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Educatingblue

I think it depends more on life goals. You have to make sure you have accomplished everything YOU planned on before you throw marriage into the mix. I think a lot of people rush into marriage before they have finished college/grad school or landed their "career job" and have regrets later.

If I had done this, I'd have never gotten married. It's been 6 years since the ceremony, and I'm still trying to do something with my life. Maybe some people are unable to allow each other to follow their dreams, but then why would you want to be married to that person anyway? I think it's more important you find someone who is willing to change with you, that you want to be with no matter what. If you do that, the other things work themselves out.

Educatingblue · #4 10-31-2007, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lauralaylin

If I had done this, I'd have never gotten married. It's been 6 years since the ceremony, and I'm still trying to do something with my life. Maybe some people are unable to allow each other to follow their dreams, but then why would you want to be married to that person anyway? I think it's more important you find someone who is willing to change with you, that you want to be with no matter what. If you do that, the other things work themselves out.

Well I guess it is different for everyone. As I said before, I knew I did not want to get married while I was in undergrad or before I got into my career or another stable job. The same with my DH. When he graduated, he did not get a big job offer and we thought it would be better to wait until we were both financially stable, settled, etc. When I said goals, I meant getting yourself established...not necessarily everything you would like to do in life.

We have friends who married with no education, had bad jobs, ended up with 2 young children and are struggling to make ends meet. As a result their marriage is definitely in trouble. I think marriage is hard enough without worrying about fulfilling your basic needs.

lauralaylin · #5 10-31-2007, 07:59 PM

Well, I guess it's very important that both people are on the same page regarding finances. I'm lucky that my husband made good money from the start, but I can certainly see how difficult a marriage could be if there were money problems or a lot of disagreement with finances.

I also think there's a big difference between getting married at 18 and 22 too. And everyone matures differently. We were ready for marriage right out of college, but I know many aren't.

AKA_Monet · #6 11-01-2007, 07:28 PM

Forget 5 months engagement, my husband and I got married after knowing each other for ~5 months!!!

I dunno how one knows if they are ready to take the "plunge"? For me, I guess I was old enuf and this was "grown folks binuss" and I was ready to make a "grown azz decision". Both of us were in our early to mid-30's, too.

Now, after being married for nearly 5 years, besides the times I want to "kill him", I really love having him around, he's a good man. So, I guess I'll keep him...

No really, everyone has marital difficulties, we have our share, but it hasn't gotten that bad as "Days of Our Lives", yet and there isn't infidelity going on, unless he has some kinna new technology Stealth Condom and gwirlfriend has a magic DisneyWorld buzzing coochie...

I guess that's the key, KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR!!! It will keep you sane on days you think you will get ready for the "romper room" with a jacket that has one button on the back and you shout obscenities to the jello pack.