Things you want to say (but shouldn't) outloud at work

[SydneyK]

Wow... someone actually put YOU in charge of this? Who made that mistake, and who is going to have to clean up the mess you call job-performance?

[moe.ron]

No, I didn't read the memo. In fact, I've never read any memo you sent.

Don't bother emailing them to me, I won't read it.

[SydneyK]

When I say, "Make sure you read these chapters and understand the concepts; there might be a quiz on Thursday," don't get all huffy when, on Thursday, you get a quiz over exactly what I suggested you understand. And don't roll your eyes at me, either.

Yes, I realize it's my job to teach you. But it's your job to come to class, PREPARED, ready to learn.

And yes, if you leave your cell phone on and take a call during class, I'm going to stop talking. And I'm going to look at you while you have your conversation. If it embarrasses you that the whole class is watching you talk on your phone, then DON'T ANSWER IT!

(I can't wait for this week to be over.)

[aephi alum]

"Dear" boss:

STOP HUMMING.

It's gotten to the point where I have to listen to my iPod in the office. Even Linkin Park doesn't drown out your off-key humming. You even hum while talking to other people, including me. You don't hum any definable tune, nor do you stick to any particular key. I'm sure you think no one else can hear you, but YOU'RE WRONG. We're in an open-plan office, and everyone can hear you.

I'm tempted to rip off your nutsack, but that wouldn't solve the problem - you'd just hum in permanent falsetto.

Stop your damn humming before I have to get 24th century on your ass.

Regards,
aephi alum

[i've had enough]

This is my one and only sock puppet, created specifically for discretion while I vent about my job. Yes it's that serious. Mods, don't out me.

To the idiot - nobody cares. stop bothering us and we won't laugh at you behind your back.

To the boss - there is NO way you can possibly agree with every single person who contributes to a discussion! it's one thing to be diplomatic but you REALLY need to take a stand on some issues.

[epchick]

--are you really all idiots? Can you not do math? What Is 50% of $24? Really, if you can't figure it out then you deserve to pay double.

--really? It is F-ING snowing in El Paso. You know what happened the last time it snowed? people left their cars in the middle of the road because the streets had frozen over, there were over 50 car accidents...and you want me to stay til 11 at night? Wow...douches!

[1908Revelations]

Please don't come to school Friday and my work day will go a whole lot better!!

Some kids need to feign illness more often!!

[christiangirl]

"Yes, an offer!!! Y'all can kiss my two weeks notice, I'm movin' on up!!!"