need some advice....

adpiucf · #1 09-17-2007, 06:07 PM

Sorry it didn't work out. Keep the other chapters in mind for future rushes. Every fraternity looks for different things; you just have to be yourself. If the brothers like you for who you are, that is all that matters. I wouldn't have done anything differently except for ONE thing....

When the brothers stopped inviting you to events, that should have been a clear sign that this fraternity was no longer an option for you. They aren't obligated to call you and tell you that you're not going on in the process. Instead, they're relying on you having the social grace to understand that no call about the next event/event that night means you've been cut. I don't think leaving that one party 2 hours after it started was a big deal-- your ride wanted to go home. Why would he drive 20 minutes to get home if the only intent was to drop 2 rushees off and then go back to the party? If you were going to be cut, it would be after that evening's events, not during them. I think you are reading too much into that. You were there for 2 hours-- that is a good amount of time to spend mixing and meeting new people. If the guys decided then and there you weren't moving on in the process, they would just stop talking to you at the event so that you would get the hint. They wouldn't get someone to take you home-- that's far too much effort on their part.

If you hadn't been invited to invite-only events, you really put the brothers in an uncomfortable situation by showing up uninvited or calling them to find out where the event was being held. If they wanted you to know, you would have been invited. You put them in a very awkward position and probably killed any future chances with that group because you decided, "They haven't cut me. They just forgot to call me and tell me where the rush event was." Not likely this would happen so many nights in a row.

You feel like you were a good fit for the fraternity. The members didn't. Based on your actions-- being a little aggressive find out where events were-- events you hadn't been invited to after several events with the brothers -- I think you just didn't know when they were just being polite and showing you the door. Without knowing you, I'd argue that you probably seemed like a nice and enthusiastic guy at first and then came on way too strong once they got to know you better. It is great to show interest. It's another to beat someone over the head with your interest. It's kind of like dating. You have to be cool, show interest and let the other party lead a little bit, too.

Give the other chapters a chance and good luck! Keep us posted.

Small request- can you break up your paragraphs with some spacing? It's a little hard to read and some people might be turned off from reading your full story and offering suggestions or feedback. Thanks so much!!

jtrain12 · #2 09-18-2007, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Also, you said your Dad was greek and still in touch with his brothers/alumnae chapter. Is his house on your campus? Do he or any of his brothers know any alumnae of that chapter? I don't know if fraternities do recs the way sororities do, but I would imagine an alum contacting the chapter to give a PNM a good intro should be a positive thing in any situation. Don't hesitate to use those greek connections!

My Dads chapter does have a house here, but it is not on campus. Apparently they had gotten kicked off campus for hazing and drug issues, so I figured it may be best to stay away.

and as for what adpiucf said...it was a tough decision for me to do that. I knew that by calling them I could potentially be jeapordazing my chances but the problem was that by the time that occured, it was so late in the rushing process that I had stopped looking at other fraternities just because I had felt so confident about that one. In retrospect, this was a bad decision and I probably would have not done that.

But most of you mentioned that I should look at other fraternities. My problem with that is going through the whole rush process and getting to know everyone and going to all the parties AGAIN is going to be stressful regardless, but doing it for a frat where I dont know anybody at all may be even more stressful. Id prefer to re-rush this same frat just because I already know alot of people there and still keep in touch with some, but as adipucf said, I may have killed my chances by asking to come to those parties.

AlethiaSi · #3 09-18-2007, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtrain12

But most of you mentioned that I should look at other fraternities. My problem with that is going through the whole rush process and getting to know everyone and going to all the parties AGAIN is going to be stressful regardless, but doing it for a frat where I dont know anybody at all may be even more stressful. Id prefer to re-rush this same frat just because I already know alot of people there and still keep in touch with some, but as adipucf said, I may have killed my chances by asking to come to those parties.

It might be stressful and you don't want to go through the process again, but as other people indicated in other threads (where you might find some more insight, and it might be about sorority recruitment, but the advice and the problems are still the same (more or less)) you might find your home someplace that you didn't expect.
I found my home after a lot of problems, and I DID NOT want to do it all again, but it was worth it in the end. Good luck to you and of course, keep us posted.

fantASTic · #4 09-18-2007, 08:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jtrain12

But most of you mentioned that I should look at other fraternities. My problem with that is going through the whole rush process and getting to know everyone and going to all the parties AGAIN is going to be stressful regardless, but doing it for a frat where I dont know anybody at all may be even more stressful. Id prefer to re-rush this same frat just because I already know alot of people there and still keep in touch with some, but as adipucf said, I may have killed my chances by asking to come to those parties.

To be honest, I would be VERY surprised to see you get a bid while re-rushing. The brothers made it very clear that you were not for them. I'm not trying to be mean, I just think that by re-rushing the same fraternity, you are going to make yourself look like a fool...and that could get around to other groups.

adpiucf · #5 09-18-2007, 08:13 PM

I don't think the make up of the fraternity is going to change very much by spring rush. Fraternities tend to be smaller than sororities... I have rarely seen a fraternity new member class outnumber the actives, so even next fall, their impression of you is likely to be the same.

It can be hard to put yourself out there and make nice with people you don't know at the other fraternities--- but that is how 95% of the guys rushing do it. They're out to make new friends and share new experiences. If you're anxious about going to the events alone, grab a roommate or a classmate to come with you the first night. And don't put your eggs in one basket this time around-- keep all of your options on the table.

jtrain12 · #6 09-30-2007, 03:13 PM

Alright so a little update on this situation. I have been getting involved in campus, and meeting lots of new people. I am still in touch with some of the brothers from this frat as I have classes with them. I was talking to one of the brothers last week when he said, "so you do think you'll come out and rush us again spring semester?" I told him that I wasnt sure and he replied with, "well, you would probably have a good shot because you know us a little better, plus I could talk to the guys that make the decisions, and tell them that you are a cool guy." He also added that it is usually easier to rush in Spring Semster as opposed to fall. I told him thanks, and that I would definately think about it.

Right now though, I am still undecided about wether I am going to go through rush again next semeter, though. Although I would want to join the frat that didnt accept me, I left that conversation feeling cautiosly optimistic. If I do end up rushing next semester, I would DEFINATELY rush more than one frat, which was a very big mistake on my part last time. But again, I still have quite alot of time to think about what/where I want to rush next semester.

Buttonz · #7 09-30-2007, 03:50 PM

While I wouldn't say not to re-rush this one, make sure you check out others as well and get to know brothers in them (esp now during the semester)! Don't count on a bid from them, because if you do you risk a high chance of heartbreak again.

I almost re-rushed the sorority that I depledged from after encouragement from my former big, and in the long run I realized that I would have just been setting myself up for more heartbreak and sadness, and wound up with a wonderful group of girls that I never though that I would be, and I couldn't be happier