Taking sorority helicoptering to a new level

[WarEagle07]

The helicoptering phenomenon is often a team effort. The child allows the parent to continue to cross normal parental boundaries because in the end the child gets what they wanted. If the child were to ask the parent to stop interfering then suddenly this child would be left to live by their own merit and could potentially face disappointment. It all goes back to doing what is right -v- doing what is easy. Crying to mom, knowing mom will take matters into her own hands, is all too easy.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by WarEagle07

The helicoptering phenomenon is often a team effort. The child allows the parent to continue to cross normal parental boundaries because in the end the child gets what they wanted. If the child were to ask the parent to stop interfering then suddenly this child would be left to live by their own merit and could potentially face disappointment. It all goes back to doing what is right -v- doing what is easy. Crying to mom, knowing mom will take matters into her own hands, is all too easy.

I don't think it's entirely fair to hold children responsible for the parenting techniques their parents choose. My guess is that most heli-kids don't realize the extent to which their parents are hovering. It isn't that these kids aren't bright or observant people; it's that that's just what they think parents' jobs are... because that's all they've known. So, while it is ultimately the kids' responsibility to ask the appropriate people the appropriate questions at the appropriate times, if they've NEVER had the chance to do that, it's no wonder they're lost. And, IMHO, there's no one to blame but their parents for putting them in that position.

[WarEagle07]

Originally Posted by SydneyK

I don't think it's entirely fair to hold children responsible for the parenting techniques their parents choose. My guess is that most heli-kids don't realize the extent to which their parents are hovering. It isn't that these kids aren't bright or observant people; it's that that's just what they think parents' jobs are... because that's all they've known. So, while it is ultimately the kids' responsibility to ask the appropriate people the appropriate questions at the appropriate times, if they've NEVER had the chance to do that, it's no wonder they're lost. And, IMHO, there's no one to blame but their parents for putting them in that position.

I don't suggest that it is the kids fault but by the time they are in high school they are savvy enough to know that they can enable this type of behavior from a heli parent in order to get what they want.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

AlphaFrog...what did your mom hope to accomplish with the angry letter to HQ? Was it just to let off steam, or did she petition for the chapter to stay open?

She was petitioning for the chapter to stay open. It actually wasn't "angry" as much as a huge list of reasons why the chapter should stay open. There was definitely an overtone of resentment, but for the most part, it was reasonable.

[bejazd]

Now, I'm sorta sittin on the fence on this one. Seems like people on both sides of this one are getting a little outta hand. People need to be able to come on here and ask their question (even if its dumb) without being feasted upon by the sharks. If you don't like the question help them re-phrase it , point them in a direction to another thread or just ignore it. Just because you're a parent with a question doesn't make you a helicopter parent per se.

On the other side, parents, if your kid is going to go to college and join a fraternity or sorority, understand first that this is going to be an experience that you are going to have very little involvement in, even if you are writing the checks. It's their thing, let them choose their own friends and live with the choices they make. Love 'em, support 'em, cheer 'em on no matter what, and have a nice glass of punch on parents weekend. That's about the extent of it!

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by bejazd

Now, I'm sorta sittin on the fence on this one. Seems like people on both sides of this one are getting a little outta hand. People need to be able to come on here and ask their question (even if its dumb) without being feasted upon by the sharks. If you don't like the question help them re-phrase it , point them in a direction to another thread or just ignore it. Just because you're a parent with a question doesn't make you a helicopter parent per se.

The sharks don't feast on every newb on GC. Some parents come here and they're perfectly decent, ask good questions in a polite way and are very appreciative of the answers they receive.
Others come on here, ask stupid questions like 'what is the reputation of each sorority at State U' or blow a fuse because their kid got cut and start wondering whether that school is right for their child-over sorority recruitment!
I don't have any patience for the second kind at all. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. And come on, we all know what the across-the-board stupid questions are.
The thread about ASU sorority reps was actually quite polite because the question was asked politely. It was only when the OP started getting in a snit over our answers that it started to become snarky.

[bejazd]

Originally Posted by AlexMack

The thread about ASU sorority reps was actually quite polite because the question was asked politely. It was only when the OP started getting in a snit over our answers that it started to become snarky.

I'm with you and completely understand where you're coming from. to me, that one didn't come off quite as obnoxious as some others. Just seemed like there was some overzealous delight in the ripping and tearing of the flesh there yesterday that might be better saved for other more tasty snark bait!

and on that concept of parents wondering if they sent their daughter to the wrong school after she did not get a bid to XYZ or AB or whatever...well maybe the parents should wonder why they threw their kid in there if the major big attraction at that school was joining a A list sorority. When you start thinking like that, you need to re-assess your priorities!