Things you want to say (but shouldn't) outloud at work

[AGDLynn]

You don't know that I already know that. I just haven't decided to let you know that I know.

[IHPiPrez]

To my co-worker who spends 90% of his time sending lengthy emails to our boss explaining how his latest assignment is outside the scope of his job description:

Someday the boss is going to do the math and realize you are only spending 10% of your time working and decide he can do without you 100% of the time.

Think about it.

[chitownxo]

Yes, Ms. Customer, we do realize it's only September, and, yes we do know Christmas isn't until December. We put our Christmas displays up now because our corporate office tells us to. You are under no obligation to buy anything, so feel free to purchase the 10 ornaments in your hand, and walk past the displays without purchasing anything. I really could care less. Oh, and could you do me another favor? Could you tell your child to stop climbing the Christmas tree? If he falls, I will laugh very hard, and try to get a copy of the security tape to post on you tube.

[Scandia]

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

Fix the bathrooms already.

Fix the computers already.

Kick out those vagrants already.

Do NOT change the Sunday hours.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!

[IHPiPrez]

10 things I Hate about Managing “Generation ME” (Employees in their 20s and 30s)

10. Could you like ever like utter a like complete sentence without like the word like in it? I sincerely doubt it.

9. Please stop treating your job as something you do in your spare time at work when you’re not on your cell phone, YouTube or some other internet site. These are PERSONAL time activities. And NO, since you are not an hourly employee, you do not get a break every hour to catch up on what your friends have posted on your Facebook Wall.

8. I really don’t care that you have an MBA from one if the top 10 programs in the country. So do I and in addition I have a brain and know how to use it. And NO, you are not actually intellectually or morally superior because you were born and raised above the Mason-Dixon Line. But, if it makes you feel special, you go ahead and believe it, bless your heart.

7. Your cat is not a child. It is an animal. Just because he/she was hacking up yet another hairball doesn’t mean you can claim the day you took off was a “Sick Day” to care for a family member. Get over it.

6. I don’t care how much money and pain were involved in getting that tattoo. I don’t care that it’s a tribute to your BFF who died due to an overdose at a really “wicked” party. Company policy states that they must be covered at work. I don’t write em, but unfortunately I do have to enforce them. If it is that insulting to you and “violates” your right to “express yourself”, I would suggest you explore careers and companies that are more tattoo friendly.

5. Please do something about your child care arrangements. Kids get sick, daycares have days they are closed, and your best friends sisters next door neighbors step mom will want a vacation now and again. Work on a little something I like to call Plan B. And NO, Plan B does not EVER consist of bringing your kid to work. It’s not fair to your kid much less your co-workers.

4. No, I will not cosign for anything EVER.

3. Yes, I agree that men can be pigs and it is never polite to talk to women’s breasts instead of to her. However, I would suggest that your choice of a Victoria’s Secret Push-Up bra and the skimpiest top in North America MAY be contributing to your issue. I know. It’s that pesky cause and effect thing again.

2. If you are looking for tea and sympathy about your recent fight/breakup with your BFF, boyfriend, girlfriend or life partner, please call your Mom. I am NOT her.

1. No, the Earth actually revolves around the Sun not around you.

[DaemonSeid]

2. If you are looking for tea and sympathy about your recent fight/breakup with your BFF, boyfriend, girlfriend or life partner, please call your Mom. I am NOT her.


And refer to rule number 9 regarding to the proper times to do this

[1908Revelations]

Yo MAMA!!! That is why you will be in the 3rd grade again!!

[AOIIalum]

Please accept my explanation that I have others on hold as my reason for cutting your call short. If you cannot do this, please do not make my job miserable upon your return to the office because I had to disconnect to get back to the other lines on hold.