No-Recs

carnation · #1 09-01-2007, 06:30 PM

I have written 80 zillion billion good recs. I've written only 2 no-recs. Regarding one girl, I had been the chaperone of a group of students who were overseas. This kid tried to pick up French sailors, offended people from various countries with her dress and language, you name it. I don't know if she ever pledged anywhere else.

The other one was a counselor at a Scout camp where my daughters and I work. This girl had physically attacked other counselors, hitting them and even scoring one with her fingernails. My oldest and I both wrote no-recs to our sororities. I heard later that the Greek advisor had talked one sorority into giving her a bid and then from a member of that group that they threw her out a couple of weeks later.

I have never, ever regretted sending those no-recs.

Senusret I · #2 09-01-2007, 06:32 PM

Wow....

By the way, I realized that I could potentially be asking private information, so I apologize if it's too intrusive.

Feel free to share if your oath and bylaws allow you.

sarasmile · #3 09-01-2007, 06:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carnation

I have written 80 zillion billion good recs. I've written only 2 no-recs. Regarding one girl, I had been the chaperone of a group of students who were overseas. This kid tried to pick up French sailors, offended people from various countries with her dress and language, you name it. I don't know if she ever pledged anywhere else.

The other one was a counselor at a Scout camp where my daughters and I work. This girl had physically attacked other counselors, hitting them and even scoring one with her fingernails. My oldest and I both wrote no-recs to our sororities. I heard later that the Greek advisor had talked one sorority into giving her a bid and then from a member of that group that they threw her out a couple of weeks later.

I have never, ever regretted sending those no-recs.

I think carnation makes some very good points.

Alumnae should reserve a no-rec letter for rare situations with extenuating circumstances. If a young woman who you only feel mildly neutral about asks you for a rec letter, you can always politely decline. The no-rec letter is something to be used sparingly...where you have very real reason to believe that a PNM would be a detriment to the chapter.

No-recs shouldn't be written for trivial reasons - the chapter's membership selection process should work in those cases. No-recs are for situations where its something serious that the chapter is unlikely to discover during rush.

Titchou · #4 09-01-2007, 11:04 PM

I've been writing sponsor forms for over 30 years...spent 14 years as my group's city sponsorship chairman so I've done 1000s. I know how to write a good form, an average form, a "poor" form and a "no." The chapters I write for know I mean "no" for a very good reason...as an example, the drug unit came to school and carried the young woman off in handcuffs...as did actually happen. I've often had other alums tell me someone was not XX material...well, she very well might be at ABC chapter....I don't make that distinction...it's up to the chapter...I just give them the facts...great/average/bad grades,lots/few/no activities, etc. So, I've done very few "no" forms over the years but I really meant the ones I wrote.

cuteASAbug · #5 09-01-2007, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou

as an example, the drug unit came to school and carried the young woman off in handcuffs...as did actually happen

Wow.

Forget getting into a sorority, how do you get into a college after something like that?

kathykd2005 · #6 09-01-2007, 11:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cuteASAbug

Wow.

Forget getting into a sorority, how do you get into a college after something like that?

I know of several people where this did happen to them, and they did get into college afterwards... This is why recommendations can be so important. There are many young women I come into contact with where I would be placed in a no-rec situation, particularly because of their past behavior. Do people change? Yes. Does that mean you want to help them become a member of your organization? Probably not.

MVisKD · #7 09-02-2007, 11:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou

I've been writing sponsor forms for over 30 years...spent 14 years as my group's city sponsorship chairman so I've done 1000s. I know how to write a good form, an average form, a "poor" form and a "no." The chapters I write for know I mean "no" for a very good reason...as an example, the drug unit came to school and carried the young woman off in handcuffs...as did actually happen. I've often had other alums tell me someone was not XX material...well, she very well might be at ABC chapter....I don't make that distinction...it's up to the chapter...I just give them the facts...great/average/bad grades,lots/few/no activities, etc. So, I've done very few "no" forms over the years but I really meant the ones I wrote.

I have only been writing recs for about 5 years and have written many glowing recs and one no-rec. The chapter took my no-rec to heart and dropped the PNM after skits. Although the PNM was beautiful, a cheerleader and super popular, she had accused my younger sister (my blood sister

) of changing the Homecoming Queen ballots at our high school so the girls' opponent would win. My sister was questioned by the principals, etc. Needless to say, my sister did not change the ballots (nor had any reason to - she wasn't in the running) and our families' are no longer friendly. I don't regret writing that no-rec one bit...I wouldn't want someone like that as my KD sister.

KSUViolet06 · #8 09-03-2007, 10:16 PM

I've never written a no-rec, but it's not a blackball system.

It basically says to the collegiate chapter, "This woman is rushing and I don't think she'd make a good XYZ because ____________." For example, she uses drugs, has gotten a DUI, or any number of things that someone might think is inappropriate.

It is then up to the collegiate chapter to consider that information and make membership selections as they see fit.

Titchou · #9 09-03-2007, 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I've never written a no-rec, but it's not a blackball system.

It basically says to the collegiate chapter, "This woman is rushing and I don't think she'd make a good XYZ because ____________." For example, she uses drugs, has gotten a DUI, or any number of things that someone might think is inappropriate.

It is then up to the collegiate chapter to consider that information and make membership selections as they see fit.

Ohmigosh! We NEVER disclose the reason in writing! We only disclose to an adviser if she calls the woman writing the sponsor form.

KSUViolet06 · #10 09-03-2007, 10:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou

Ohmigosh! We NEVER disclose the reason in writing! We only disclose to an adviser if she calls the woman writing the sponsor form.

Let me clarify. I was trying to convey what the form means to the chapter members. It doesn't actually SAY that.

honeychile · #11 09-01-2007, 11:10 PM

From the other side: I was Rec Chairman for my chapter. We received one No-Rec while I was Chairman, and that PNM may as well have had a target on her back from the time she walked in. I can't say why she received the No-Rec.

As an Advisor, two PNMs received No-Recs. The chapter wasn't told, but after two parties, it was announced that neither would be returning. I think it's safe to say that the chapter had already been turned off by the two of them, anyhow.

I've sent two No-Recs. Suffice it to say that I would feel sorry for any sorority who would have bid either of these women. Very sorry.