Military Spouses, Parents and Families

[scbelle]

Originally Posted by SthrnZeta

so it seems wrong to say, honey, shell out some more for a ring while you're at it, ya know?
And BTW, he'll be gone for a whopping 15 months!

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

Seriously, you need to get a ring on your finger, even if it's only a quarter carat.

I'm probably going to say something that won't be very popular...

why MUST there be a ring to be engaged? In my own experience, I got engaged to my now-husband without a ring. He had no money for such frivolity, but I loved him and knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And I was sure in the fact that he loved and cherished me. If you say the words, "Will you marry me?" or "Will you spend the rest of your life with me?" or something to that effect, and the answer is yes, then why does there have to be a piece of jewelry?

A house together seems like a HUGE commitment! So, in my eyes, SthrnZeta, you're already "more than a girlfriend." Deployments are a long, hard road. While I know that I advocated for an engagement before he left for certain reasons having to do with making life dealing with the Army easier, it may be a time for you to really reflect. This surely won't be the only deployment your guy has if he stays in. This may be a good test for you to see if you can really handle a life with a soldier. It's not for the faint of heart.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by scbelle

why MUST there be a ring to be engaged?

I read as more of an expression... "To put a ring on her finger" means the same thing as "To get engaged", regardless of whether jewelry is actually involved.

Well, except for the specification of "even if it's only 1/4 karat".

[scbelle]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I read as more of an expression... "To put a ring on her finger" means the same thing as "To get engaged", regardless of whether jewelry is actually involved.

Well, except for the specification of "even if it's only 1/4 karat".

That's what got me. The 1/4 carat specs and the "shelling out more $" for a ring... the actual getting engaged doesn't cost bupkus.

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by Army Wife'79

I'm sorry but this could be a potential train wreck. A POA should not be given to anyone other than a spouse

I'm deploying to the middle east next week, and I need a POA before I leave. It's something I've avoided for years because I'm single but I finally chose my brother. I think it should be someone who you trust and will act in YOUR best interest, which isn't always your spouse .

[scbelle]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

I'm deploying to the middle east next week, and I need a POA before I leave. It's something I've avoided for years because I'm single but I finally chose my brother. I think it should be someone who you trust and will act in YOUR best interest, which isn't always your spouse .

That's very true. I've seen spouses cheat, try to clean the soldier out, and run. That behavior is definitely not in the best interest of the person giving POA.

But I don't think ArmyWife '79 meant that, exactly. We were talking of a girl who was not yet engaged (but is now!! ). A single soldier is another ball of wax.

I hope your deployment goes well. Stay low.

[LPIDelta]

Originally Posted by scbelle

But I don't think ArmyWife '79 meant that, exactly. We were talking of a girl who was not yet engaged (but is now!! ).

Ok--now I know I've been our of the loop for a few weeks. This is big news!!!! Best wishes are in order!

[LPIDelta]

Hey all--just wanted to share my excitement. I got a text message from my spouse this morning and he is on a plane and headed home! Its been 8 months since he has been home so the dogs and I are looking forward to his return.

[Tom Earp]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

I'm deploying to the middle east next week, and I need a POA before I leave. It's something I've avoided for years because I'm single but I finally chose my brother. I think it should be someone who you trust and will act in YOUR best interest, which isn't always your spouse .

Keep your head down, be careful and watch your and your peoples asses!

Be safe my Greek Brother!

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

I'm deploying to the middle east next week

Take care PiKA, and thanks for what you're doing.

[navane]

Originally Posted by PiKA2001

I'm deploying to the middle east next week

Take care! We'll be thinking of you!

.....Kelly

[SthrnZeta]

Oh I'm well aware that deployments aren't easy, as I've done it before. BUT, he doesn't plan to stay in, so luckily this may be the last. I understand what you're saying about a POA and it makes sense. I'm not sure he'll go for it though, but at the same time if he's trusting me enough to put me on title and not the loan (his credit is better so we got a better rate without me on there) then perrhaps he might. We've also discussed how we're taking title and have decided on Joint Tenancy in the event anything happens to him, the house would go to me per the right of survivorship, rather than to his estate if it were tenancy in common - seemed only fair to both of us since I'll be the one putting equity into the house.

With the way we've been talking, it's as if we're engaged already, if it weren't for it bothering him that other people believe us to be (listing agent of the house, lender, etc.) than I would be led to believe that he also feels that way. I think he's just scared to end up like so many other soldiers who have gotten screwed over by their significant other back at home and it's a totally valid fear. At the same time, I need to know I'm waiting for something and I'm trying to believe that this house thing is enough. But why make comments about we'll have two incomes when I'm back, and our next house we'll use my VA on and rent this one out as an investment property, etc. if you're not going to propose now - it seems only natural to me.

And as much as I want to say I'd be fine without a ring - I wouldn't be. When you tell people you're engaged, people wanna see the ring. And besides, having that little something to look down at when you're down would be a nice little reminder for yourself, a token to give you strength and be patient for his return. Frivolous? Maybe? Do I still want it? Yes.

[scbelle]

Well, you dated a deployed soldier before... and broke up, so you didn't finish the deployment. Now, the deployments are 15 months (thanks, Pentagon!). From what I've read, this relationship you have now is much more serious, so the deployment will be that much worse. It's one thing to date a guy, but quite another to be in love with one in harm's way. What I was advocating, because you already had said that the first deployment was tough, was to see how this one went before any long-term commitments were made. If you feel like you can't take the strain of the deployment and want out, then maybe this guy isn't the guy for you. What you do have going for your situation is that your guy says he's leaving the service. But he's going Guard, so there will be no guarantees that this will be his only deployment. There won't be any guarantees even if he doesn't go Guard, as I'm guessing he has a commission through ROTC, in which case his actual term of service is 8 years. He'll go into IRR, and I know people who have been called up from that to go back to Iraq. I really hope that none of this happens to y'all.

But I don't fault you at all for wanting/needing a ring. Many women do, and that's just fine. Me personally, I'm glad I waited because for our 2nd anniversary (our first he was in Korea), he got me my engagement ring, and it's a beauty!

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by scbelle

Well, you dated a deployed soldier before... and broke up, so you didn't finish the deployment.

To clarify, I waited out the entire deployment, all 7 months of it, and we broke up the day he got back. So yes, I did finish the deployment. I was there at Green Ramp at Fort Bragg, dressed up, with my big poster to welcome him home, only to drive back up to school in Northern VA a few hours later. Yeah, my senior year of college sucked but I honestly thought we were meant to be. I'm glad we weren't though, or I wouldn't be with the wonderful man I'm with now

[amanda6035]

Sthrn, lord child, my heart feels for you. I have to agree with belle on the point that it's different to date and be crazy in love with a guy too. I certainly understand where you're coming from...and if you DO choose to discuss this with him, I'd say be very cautious. The last thing you want is for him to become defensive. Some guys think that a house and discussing the future is "good enough" but to many women, it still reeks of no guarantee and leaves you wondering if he's truly commited.

What about the idea of a promise ring? My husband I had been dating for a while, werent quite ready to get engaged, but knew that we wanted to one day. For Valentines day the first year we had been dating, we exchanged promise rings, it was a mutual choice, but we had fun shopping for them together. You can find nice ones for only a couple hundred bucks...and it satisfies that reminder that you're looking down at, and he would have one too.

[SthrnZeta]

Originally Posted by amanda6035

Sthrn, lord child, my heart feels for you. I have to agree with belle on the point that it's different to date and be crazy in love with a guy too. I certainly understand where you're coming from...and if you DO choose to discuss this with him, I'd say be very cautious. The last thing you want is for him to become defensive. Some guys think that a house and discussing the future is "good enough" but to many women, it still reeks of no guarantee and leaves you wondering if he's truly commited.

What about the idea of a promise ring? My husband I had been dating for a while, werent quite ready to get engaged, but knew that we wanted to one day. For Valentines day the first year we had been dating, we exchanged promise rings, it was a mutual choice, but we had fun shopping for them together. You can find nice ones for only a couple hundred bucks...and it satisfies that reminder that you're looking down at, and he would have one too.

Thank you, yes! Just because I'll be living in the house and be on title, still no guarantee history won't repeat itself (and yes, he knows all about that guy).

As for the promise ring, it's definitely an idea - haven't done it since high school, lol. But I'm curious, would you and he wear it on your right hand instead?