College Freshmen

33girl · #1 08-13-2007, 12:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamasue

My daughter has been told for weeks that she is the best potential new member for several sororities. Recs are glowing... resume reflects a very well rounded student with a high GPA and many activities and honors. She is beautiful outside and in... She started RUSH last week, had invitations to revisit the maximum number of houses and then... devastation. All of the houses she chose cut her, and she is still rushing 2 groups that she really has no interest in. Her self esteem is shot, feels worthless and "a loser"... all due to a few minutes spent in 6 sorority rush parties. I wish I had told her not to participate in RUSH, spend some time getting acclimated on campus and then decide. Young women have a hard enough time in this society without this added insult. For the record, I support the system, but am now on the side of living with what happens when good people get cut. My daughter is certainly not alone... but she sure feels that way. BTW-- she heard back from some girls who are members of one of her top choices... they expected to see her and when she did not appear at any of the day 3 parties, assumed she had cut them. Go figure. At least she has heard the words "I don't get it- everyone loved you." Advice?

I would tell her NOT to listen to what the girls from the sorority who "loved her" are saying. They shouldn't be talking to girls who are still in the rush process!!

Other than that, we weren't in member selection for those groups, so we really can't tell you why your daughter was cut.

OSU Maman · #2 08-13-2007, 12:36 PM

Thanks, AlphaFrog, to the answer to my transfer question. That's another reason why I believe it would be beneficial to wait until second semester to have recruitment.

Does anyone have answers to my other questions:

"I also wondered why some schools go through the recruitment process so early."

"You could wait but, from what I have read on here, if you aren't a freshman your chances of being accepted are not as good. (I don't understand this one so maybe someone could explain?)"

Thanks for the help.

AChiOhSnap · #3 08-13-2007, 12:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OSU Maman

Does anyone have answers to my other questions:

"I also wondered why some schools go through the recruitment process so early.".

I don't know if this is true for ALL early recruitments, but I'm sure it has a lot to do with living arrangments/logistics (you can immediately move into the sorority house/dorm floor/suites). Also, it gets it out of the way so it's not a huge distraction with school (imagine being at a recruitment party until midnight and then having to get up for your 8AM the next day.) I'd imagine a really intensive recruitment during schooldays could really hurt people academically, at least temporarily.

luv n tpa · #4 08-13-2007, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AChiOhSnap

Also, it gets it out of the way so it's not a huge distraction with school (imagine being at a recruitment party until midnight and then having to get up for your 8AM the next day.) I'd imagine a really intensive recruitment during schooldays could really hurt people academically, at least temporarily.

Our recruitment isn't until the first week of October. It isn't that bad for the PNMs, but for actives, deciding prefs and bids usually runs until 2-3am. I can attest to staying up that late and then going to class in the morning. For lack of a better word, it sucks.

AnchorAlumna · #5 08-13-2007, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by luv n tpa

Our recruitment isn't until the first week of October. It isn't that bad for the PNMs, but for actives, deciding prefs and bids usually runs until 2-3am. I can attest to staying up that late and then going to class in the morning. For lack of a better word, it sucks.

Not to mention all the rumors and "tent talk" and dirty rushing that proliferate before recruitment starts.

And...it DOES happen!

33girl · #6 08-13-2007, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Not to mention all the rumors and "tent talk" and dirty rushing that proliferate before recruitment starts.

And...it DOES happen!

I think that goes both ways...you know that the girls have heard the worst there is to hear and they won't be halfway through pledging and hear "oh, so you're pledging Nu Tau - did they tell you they almost lost their charter lasst year?" and freak out and depledge. Hopefully they've checked out the rumors themselves.

Plus, it seems like pre-freshman rush in a lot of cases does absolutely nothing to prevent "tent talk."

luv n tpa · #7 08-13-2007, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Not to mention all the rumors and "tent talk" and dirty rushing that proliferate before recruitment starts.

And...it DOES happen!

I'll even tell you myself that it happens. Our fall recruitment is completely informal. Rho Chi's don't have to disaffiliate; in fact, they wear letters when they're with their groups. Orgs aren't silenced to PNMs outside rush rooms. Sure it happens during formal recruitment as well, but it's a lot more discreet since it's "not permitted" then. Facebook, which as we all know, has been the latest issue.

Rumors float around school, but they're probably the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. We're a small school with Greek life not playing an extremely heavy role in the campus atmosphere. The PNMs we tend to get are those who come out alone and don't know much of the greek system other than people wearing letters around campus. The rumors are intimidating, but the attitude toward them is generally, "That's just ridiculous."

But that's not to say it's the same at every school, of course.

AlphaFrog · #8 08-13-2007, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OSU Maman

"You could wait but, from what I have read on here, if you aren't a freshman your chances of being accepted are not as good. (I don't understand this one so maybe someone could explain?)"

I don't have a good answer for your other question, but for this one:

Imagine this: You have 1000 women come through your house. You have to cut that list down to 600 after one 20 minute meeting. First obvious choice is grades - if someone has a 2.5, and your chapter requires a 3.0, that solves that problem. So maybe that elimiates 200 women, and you now have to find 200 more to cut. Well, you've got 700 freshmen left who will be able to give 4+ years to the sorority, and 100 misc. soph/jr/srs who may only have 2 or 3 years left on campus. Just mathmatically speaking, it's better for your numbers to take the women who will have more years to give to the sorority.
It's completely superficial, and I understand that, but there has to be some way to narrow it down.

33girl · #9 08-13-2007, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OSU Maman

"I also wondered why some schools go through the recruitment process so early."

"You could wait but, from what I have read on here, if you aren't a freshman your chances of being accepted are not as good. (I don't understand this one so maybe someone could explain?)"

Thanks for the help.

They want to pledge freshmen so they will have a dues paying member for 4 years, rather than 3. Of course, if someone drops out of the sorority before senior year (or earlier) it's kind of a moot point.

Sororities used to have much longer pledge periods (the average now is 6 weeks and for a lot of groups it used to be double that) and often didn't initiate freshman women unless they made whatever the required GPA was. However, they're now under pressure from the schools to cut pledge time, theoretically to prevent hazing. The schools are not looking at the implications of initiating women so early, and the sororities can't get past the concept of freshmen being best. In other words, both sides need to get a clue.

AChiOhSnap · #10 08-13-2007, 12:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I would tell her NOT to listen to what the girls from the sorority who "loved her" are saying. They shouldn't be talking to girls who are still in the rush process!!

Other than that, we weren't in member selection for those groups, so we really can't tell you why your daughter was cut.

To be perfectly blunt, I've heard more than a few sorority women say that "Ohh we loved you, we wondered why you weren't back to our next party!" line to disappointed PNMs when they felt "put on the spot" or to make the PNM feel better without really thinking about the ramifications of saying that.

Most of the time, it wasn't true. It wasn't that the sorority disliked the PNM, usually, but I've found that they never had any intention of inviting her back for whatever reason and they just didn't know what to say. It was their poor attempt to avoid an awkward situation or to spare her feelings.

The gentle honesty approach (i.e. "I'm sorry you're disappointed, but we really can't talk about what happened. I'm so sorry.") is obviously the better option here, but I'm sure you can imagine how hard it would be for a non-confrontational 19 y.o. to go there. It's not right, but I'm sure that's why it happens.

Mamasue, the best advice I can give you and your daughter is for her to speak with her recruitment counselor, let the disappointment settle, explore her other options (COB, joining a professional/honorary/volunteer GLO, playing sports, joining clubs, whatever), and to NOT listen to what anyone in a sorority says about her being the "best PNM" or that "everyone loved her." I'm sure your daughter's a really lovely girl, but if sorority women are saying that to a PNM during recruitment, it's probably a whole lot of hot air.