Cutting the Umbilical Cord

[ForeverRoses]

I have only experienced one parent ever coming to the job interview with a potential new hire (which I will now refer to as PNHs). However, the parent was simply providing a ride for the PNH and was going to wait in the car the entire time. Since it was a hot day, I offered to the PNH that his Dad could wait in the lobby.

The Dad did exactly that- sat in the lobby with a cup of coffee and a magazine. No way would he have been allowed in the actual interview.

As for salary or benefit negotiations, I only deal with the PNH directly. Talking to anyone else would be a breach of confidentiality-- and I would probably throw in that it is against company policy (and if it's not- I'll write a policy so that it is!).

I personally have more problems with helicopter spouses than helicopter parents. But at least I understand why some spouses hover- they are married to blithering idiots!

[OneTimeSBX]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

I personally have more problems with helicopter spouses than helicopter parents. But at least I understand why some spouses hover- they are married to blithering idiots!

very true...

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by ForeverRoses

I personally have more problems with helicopter spouses than helicopter parents. But at least I understand why some spouses hover- they are married to blithering idiots!

As someone who takes phone calls several times a week from wives of both employees and "PNHs" (I like that)...I understand. I'll have a wife call and ask if we're hiring, go to our website, print off an application and fax it (obviously in her handwriting) along with a resume that looks like it's straight out of a resume book/wizard.

[OneTimeSBX]

these are the same wives who will choke their husbands if they asked them to do that for them...now i will admit, i do some faxing and emailing for mines, but he works in a kitchen where there is no internet access. i dont mind the little things, because he knows good and well if he can get to it he damn well better do it himself.

[AlwaysSAI]

Now, I'm still in school and all, but that doesn't give my input less gravity, right?

Anyway, I think the issue really lies in the way the child was raised. It starts at a very young age with the parents making small decisions for the child. "Honey, you need to wear this shirt with those pants because the shirt you have on doesn't match." Who gives a flying flip??! The kid is 4 years old and he needs to start somewhere with decision making.

Those parents are also the ones who insist on having their child repeat kindergarten because (and only because) when the mom was in school she also had a late birthday and didn't get her permit, liscense, first date whatever when all of her friends did. (Yes, I know the person this happened to and she is 22 years old and on the phone with her parents 22 hours out of the day)

Those are the same parents that set the girl's class schedule in high school until she graduates, picks her major for her and then plans her class schedule every semester of college until she graduates.

Those children are not raised to make decisions, let alone think independantly! They wouldn't know how to act in an interview and they would only feel safe with mommy by their side.

Seriously--I was allowed to wear a orange and purple tiedye shirt with red and fushcia shorts and I turned out just fine. In fact, I call my mom only to ask for her opinion---and the advice she gives is not the final say.

[OneTimeSBX]

BRAVO! @AlwaysSAI!

my parents made sure we had to step up and make choices. once we were "grown" they rarely like to be bothered with our decisions, to the point where dad told us he better not have his future sons-in-law ask for our hand in marriage. he felt it was an adult decision between a man and woman.

and honestly, mama's boys are the worst. seriously. that is where it all begins...

[ForeverRoses]

I love my parents to death- but I can't imagine talking to them more than once a week. I still call them every Sunday evening, just like I did in college. So if I do call on an off-day they usually start to freak out that something is wrong!

As for the helicopter wives- our insurance open enrollment starts right after I return from Maternity leave. That's when most of them come out of the woodwork and bombard me with e-mails and phone messages (and God forbid I don't return the calls!).

I even have one employee that forwards EVERY HR e-mail I send out to his wife. I recently had to check with the wife before I set up some training for the employee. Talk about a short leash!

[dekeguy]

This is actually a trend?????
I am still very close to my parents and siblings, but, rush??? job interviews??? who would hire these people? who would bid anyone who showed up for rush with mummy and daddy???
OK, if you are a legacy and/or your dad is president of the alumni chapter a discrete note or phone call or quiet word dropped in the right ear could be helpful. But to come with you?
Like the kid said to Shoeless Joe Jackson, "say it ain't so Joe!"

[WVU alpha phi]

As a recent grad, I'm going on out-of-state interviews later this week and my parents will be traveling with me. But there's NO WAY I will let them come WITH me to the interview- I told them they can drop me off or I'll drop them off and pick them up (we're only taking one car). They're mostly going to be helping me out on my apartment-search; the job search has been left up to me.

I think I still need my parents input on some things like looking for my first non-college apartment.. they just know a lot more about that stuff than I do. And while they've made it clear that they aren't going to cut me off when I move, I personally want to be as financially independent as possible. None of my other friends who graduated in May with me seem to feel like this.. only one other works full time, the rest are "taking the summer off" aka living off their parents wallets until they feel like job hunting.

[minDyG]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

This is actually a trend?????
I am still very close to my parents and siblings, but, rush??? job interviews??? who would hire these people? who would bid anyone who showed up for rush with mummy and daddy???
OK, if you are a legacy and/or your dad is president of the alumni chapter a discrete note or phone call or quiet word dropped in the right ear could be helpful. But to come with you?
Like the kid said to Shoeless Joe Jackson, "say it ain't so Joe!"

I think the parents being with kids while they were going through recruitment example was more a case of like...moms getting a hotel room in the college town so that they could help their daughters get ready/comfort them when they got through the day, especially if they got cut from a favorite house. I'm not saying I think it's a good idea, but I could see where it would be a temptation for a mom. Well, not for MY mom but for certain moms.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

Anyway, I think the issue really lies in the way the child was raised. It starts at a very young age with the parents making small decisions for the child. "Honey, you need to wear this shirt with those pants because the shirt you have on doesn't match." Who gives a flying flip??! The kid is 4 years old and he needs to start somewhere with decision making.

My 2 2/3 year old decided to leave the house the other day in 95 degree weather in sweatpants and a longsleeve blouse. She was going to the aircondtioned babysitter's house, so I didn't say anything, and sent a onsie along, just in case. No big deal.

I did however, make her change to go to the babysitters one day when she was wearing purple patterned pajama bottoms, a red tank top, and an orange sweater..I draw the line at Baglady Chic. Plus, you can't ALWAYS let them have their way...there's a fine line.

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

My 2 2/3 year old decided to leave the house the other day in 95 degree weather in sweatpants and a longsleeve blouse. She was going to the aircondtioned babysitter's house, so I didn't say anything, and sent a onsie along, just in case. No big deal.

I <3 that post. Seriously.

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I did however, make her change to go to the babysitters one day when she was wearing purple patterned pajama bottoms, a red tank top, and an orange sweater..I draw the line at Baglady Chic. Plus, you can't ALWAYS let them have their way...there's a fine line.

And, yes, there is a line to be drawn. But, me, I'm sure I looked like the baglady's kid. My sister and I were often allowed to go out of the house in our halloween costumes in the middle of July. I have CP which has caused me some mobility issues and when I was like 2 years old, I am dragging myself along the concrete with my elbows while my sister was walking alongside my mom. Someone asked my mom why she didn't carry me and my mom replies, "When she decides she wants to walk, she will. Until then, this is how she has chosen to get around." (Of course the story was told to me after the fact and no, I never did learn how to crawl. I went from dragging to walking.)

My mom and I were cleaning out my room because I'm moving out and I had the euthenization papers from a guinea pig that was put down when I was like 10. I asked my mom why she let me keep that kind of stuff and she replies "Your stuff was your stuff and I never quesitoned you on it. If you wanted to keep that paper, it was yours to keep."

[Zillini]

Sadly this sort of over-parenting seems to be more common than in times past. Recently I had a mother drive 5+ hours to campus and want to sit in on her daughter's standards meeting. Excuse me? I don't think so.

[couggirl]

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

Those are the same parents that set the girl's class schedule in high school until she graduates, picks her major for her and then plans her class schedule every semester of college until she graduates.

Those children are not raised to make decisions, let alone think independantly! They wouldn't know how to act in an interview and they would only feel safe with mommy by their side.

This is my parents. the only difference is that since i graduated from high school I reaslized what my mom was doing and would not let her behave this way. She still tells me what to do and will get mad at me for not listening to her. This includes anything like her telling me that I am not using the right bank (yeah she yelled at me about that) to more personal things. The sad part is that I have wanted my mom to let me be an adult since high school graduation, but all of my realtives seem to yell at me for being mean to my mom. What? I am being mean because I don't let my mom control my life. WOW. I guess I am just the worlds worst person because I want to be an adult and live my own life. I should really just be ashamed that I am such a mean person that I do not let my mother control my life. well, i guess i am just going to hell for sure now.

[lillady85]

LOVE this thread.
A class I had a year ago had this same discussion and there were tons of kids who admitted to asking their parents with doing their resume, coming to school to see them for small things like having a bad day, going to interviews, etc. Two girls even admitted that their parents edit their papers (and not in a I'll check for typos way). I can't stand this label being put on kids in my generation but it's so true and its disgusting. My parents have always been there to support me and guide me, but not write my resume and cover letter much less go to the interview and expect to be inside! I understand calling your parents everyday if you are a freshman, 3000 miles away and you are homesick for a while. But when you can't even bear to be apart from your parents because something MIGHT go wrong and you don't know how to handle it yourself, it's time to grow up. How will anyone ever learn if they never make the mistake on their own?